what am I afraid of? EVERYTHING!

In a month it will all be over.  Yes,  I am talking about BlogHer ’11.  On Wednesday,  August 3,  I fly out of Grand Rapids–BY MYSELF for the first time ever–and head to California (also a first for me).

I might be getting nervous.

I may have sent my roommates emails that involved sweaty hands and butterflies in my stomach.

I could possibly have put it out there on twitter that I am terrified.

All of these things have allegedly happened.  And it’s still just almost a month away.  Can you imagine what I will be like within a week of leaving?  People,  it is getting ugly around here.  Fast.

So I thought I would take this opportunity to share with you what is currently keeping me awake at night.  They pretty much range from legitimate nerves to ridiculous,  over-the-top,  dorky fears.

Here we go.

#1  Saying goodbye to my boys.  I may have actually cried myself to sleep imagining having to say goodbye to them.  I have only been away from Cort for less than a handful of nights since we were married and I have only been away from Eddie if Cort is with me.  I am already feeling lonely for my boys…even though I know I will have way fun.

#2   Flying alone.  Actually sitting in my seat and flying doesn’t scare me at all.  Well, other than needing to go to the bathroom,  but I’ll get to that later.  I am mostly afraid of the plane switch in Detroit and then having to get to the airport on Sunday to come home, finding my correct gate, and getting me and all my stuff to Detroit just to have to switch planes again.  The only two times I have ever flown in my life, someone else was there to just follow.  I don’t know how to work an airport.

#3   Peeing on a plane.  I don’t know why.  I’ve never done it, but in my mind it’s awful.  Therefore I will drink nothing from noon est on Wednesday, until I get to SD at 9:20 (cali time) at night.

#4   Sleeping in a bed with someone I don’t know.  Seriously, Miranda?  Nichole?  I hope I don’t snore.  Or fart.   Or have smelly feet.

#5  Getting ready with three other women in my room and only one bathroom.  I don’t think this needs explaining.

#6  Being under or over-dressed.  I think I am ok for the day, but it’s evenings I worry about.  Everyone says whatever you wear is fine.  And I am sure that is true, but I like to at LEAST match the people I am with,  and I am afraid they are FAR more fashionable than I am.

#7  Getting tired before everyone else.  I just looked at what the schedule is like.  There is more going on in one day than I have going on all dang summer.  My days usually consist of sitting around the living room, then the dining room, then outside, then the living room again.  I am afraid 10pm will come and I will be jet-lagged and exhausted and not really wanting to meet one more damn person and everyone will think I am a GIANT party pooper for going back to the room to bed.

#8  Being not what people expect.  I am not really that funny.  I talk awkwardly to fill silence.  I don’t initiate hugs because I do those awkwardly too.  I am afraid people will instantly wish they had not roomed with me or said they would go to sessions or parties with me.  I am afraid people will avoid me.  Or that I will think people are avoiding me.  Or that people will think that I am avoiding them when in reality I think they are avoiding me so I am just trying to save them the trouble and save face.

#9  Not getting enough food, caffeine, water, sleep.  I get grumpy when I am lacking in any of these things.  I don’t want to be grumpy.

#10  Either getting all “fan girl” tongue-tied around awesome bloggers or getting too talky/abrupt around them thus creating an ass of myself.  This one is very real, people.  See the awkward statement from above.

#11  Not being able to find anyone at the appointed time.  Yes, I already have a handful of cell numbers, and yes I can tweet from my phone.  But I am still nervous about missing the train to something with everyone.

#12 Getting pregnant before BlogHer and being on progesterone thus amplifying all of these worries plus adding vomiting and dry heaving and excessive sleepiness into the mix.

Are you going to BlogHer?  Do you have worries?  Can you calm mine?  Anyone?