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est. 2005

You are here: Home / Archives for i feel like a fail

Disappointments and Plans of Attack

September 20, 2010 By Katie


Well, here I am.  Back for my second instillation of McFatty Mondays. And it’s not a good report, people.

Should I start with the bad news or the good news first?  I’m going with bad news first…

I fricking GAINED weight.  That’s right.  I went from 195 to 198.5.  There are a few contributing factors to this, but even with those?  I really thought I would at least maintain.

Here is how the week went:

First of all, after much debate about how I would go about being more healthy, Miranda convinced me that for the lazy bum that I am, MyPlate at livestrong.com was the best tool.  It has been working nicely for her, and I dare to bet she is more active than I am what with her coaching colorguard and all.  So I signed up for the free service.

I entered in all my vitals: height, weight, activity level (which I am wondering if I over-estimated), and it calculated my daily intake as 2117 calories per day if I want to lose 1.5 pounds per week.  This seemed reasonable.

I learned a lot right off on the first day.  For one, my morning coffee with cream?  60 calories.  And my once-a-week (sometimes twice-a-week) pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks?  Has 600 calories.  Yes, another zero added to my normal coffee.  Ouch.

I have always been completely starving by lunch time.  I realized this is because even after lunch, I usually only consume about 500 calories total for the day.  This is CLEARLY not enough and it explains why I hit a wall right around the last hour of the day and don’t feel like getting ANY work done once school is done.

Counting calories always seemed like a HORRIBLE task to me, but I found out that by entering things in, I learned what had a million calories and what seemed ok.  I also noticed myself saying no to random snacks because A)i just knew they would have a ton of calories that I didn’t want and B)if it was only like a few bites of something it seemed useless to try to figure out the calories, so I would just pass.

Now with all this noticing what I was eating, I still didn’t eat the best I could.  We had already gotten groceries for the week, so I just ate what we had.

I did start adding a fried egg and some wheat toast as breakfast.  Cort got up and made it for me so I wouldn’t leave the house hungry.  This helped some, but I realized I need a mid-morning snack too–something to munch on on my planning hour to get me through to lunch.  So instead of having diet coke as a snack, this coming week I have yogurt and granola to try.

Every day except Friday I kept it under my allotted daily calories, so even though I wasn’t very active, I figured I would at least stay at 195.  I almost fell off the scale today when I saw 198.5.  Especially after walking all over Chicago yesterday for hours!

So what could possibly be the good news in all of this?

For one, I am now aware of what I am putting into my body.  In fact, I haven’t been this aware of my choices since I was pregnant with Eddie.

Secondly?  Holy support, batman!  You all are amazing.  I was so afraid to actually hit publish and tell you my weight AND publish pictures of my fatness, but you all totally lifted me up and supported me and loved me.  I am now AGAIN embarrassed to hit “publish” because I let you all down…I GAINED weight.

However, I am giving each meal a make-over one week at a time.  This week it’s breakfast and my breakfast snack.  With the help of Kristin, I now have TONS of choices for breakfast that actually sound GOOD to me.  Cort bought eggs, wheat toast, tortillas, nutella, yogurt, and granola with groceries today.  I can have a healthy breakfast AND a healthy mid-morning snack, and hopefully this will help me stay full-feeling all afternoon.

So the first week of McFatty?  Huge fail whale.  But I have a plan.  Oh yes…I have a plan.

And if you want to read something sweet and loving that I wrote, you should go check out my post for the series, Small Moments Monday, over at Nichole’s blog, In These Small Moments.  I am beyond honored that she asked me to be a part of this, and I chose a small moment that I look forward to every day.  I hope you enjoy reading my post!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: guest posting, i feel like a fail, McFatty Monday

Friday Flip-off #5

August 20, 2010 By Katie

Hello!!  Welcome to Friday!  Once again I am joining my girl, Kludgy Mom, the genius behind Friday Flip-off’s, for some stress relief before the weekend starts.

All of my flip-offs this week surround one topic.

Allow me to explain…

I hate running on the treadmill.  Ok, I hate running.  But I hate the treadmill because really?  I am not going anywhere.

I can try to watch TV, but I have to turn it up WAY loud and usually I am not interested enough to take my mind off how I am not going anywhere.

I could listen to some sweet tunes, but again, my eyes work.  I can SEE that I am still in the same place, my basement, sweating and hating life. Ok, maybe not LIFE, but definitely running.  And definitely the treadmill.

To be honest, I don’t even really like walking on that damn thing.

Anyway…where was I going with all this hate?  Oh right…

So I found out recently that the anti-depressant that I am on?  It doesn’t directly CAUSE weight gain, but it makes it REALLY, REALLY hard to LOSE weight.

As in I am spinning my wheels.

I am not going anywhere.

See that picture up there at the top of the post?  Yeah.  That is how I feel right now.

When I feel like that?  I shut down.  Other people, STRONGER people, would see that as a challenge and work harder.

Not me.  I am such a damn quitter.

I have not run or did my couch to 5k training in over two weeks.

I am depressed about my weight gain.  Depressed about my weight.  Depressed about my seemingly pointless endeavors to lose weight.

So this is what I am flipping-off this week….

  • My weakness.  Even if I am not losing weight, why am I such a quitter?  I am still planning on DOING the 5k, so why not try to do my best and run?  Why give in as a “walker”?
  • My lack of self-discipline. At running, at not eating peanut butter m&m’s, this list could go on.
  • The disappointment that I am causing in others.  I HATE disappointing people and that is what I feel like.  A giant disappointment.
  • My Celexa.  I know you help me not yell at people, but you are contributing to my ever-growing pants size.  Can’t I be slim AND sane?
  • Running in general because it is hard and not fun.
  • and…for good measure?  I am going to flip-off my cat’s thyroid.  totally unrelated, but it is making him too skinny and that freaks me out and I don’t like to be freaked out because it causes me to write in run-on sentences of panic.

 Whew!  There.

I feel mildly better.  Not because I got on the treadmill after writing that.  Goodness no (I went to bed, if you must know), but because I admitted that I am feeling this way.

Please don’t hate me.  I WILL be doing the 5K because it is important.  That I will NOT give up on!

Ps. there is still time to donate.  I have a $500 goal…I realize it may be less appealing to donate thru a giver-uper, but please, the cause is so much greater than my quitter-tude:  Here is my pledge page.

UPDATE:
Just realized Gigi of Kludgy Mom is indisposed today, so she has the Friday Flip-off’s being hosted in the UK!  So, now…if you want even MORE flip-offs, head over to Pumpkin and Piglet…she has her own plus a whole LIST of other peeps who are doing the flippity flip to stuff that sucks!  And?  She is one of the sweetest Brits you will ever meet.  So you will want to maybe stay.  Just sayin.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: friday flip-offs, i feel like a fail, i hate running, stuff that sucks
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