a big without a little

It’s not a secret that Cort and I are trying to grow this Nation.  I went off my birth control in February and instead of getting pregnant right away, I got horrible acne and terrible menstrual cramps each of the four months since.

I know four months is not long.  Especially since there was medication stuff affecting the…uh…trying for the first three.  Last month was really our first month will all…um..engines firing.  ahem.

(by the way, I am totally uncomfortable right now, can you tell?)

Anyway, as any woman who has the baby fever will tell you, any amount of waiting seems long.  It took us almost nine months to get pregnant with Eddie.  Not long in terms of some women who struggle with infertility, but super long for the Fertile Myrtles out there. But it seems like we have been trying forever.

My mind is consumed with babies.

They are everywhere.

And people are getting pregnant everywhere.

And one of my best friends in the whole world just had twins.  Itty bitty beautiful flawless twin girls.  Yes, I swoon every time I see them and I cuddle them and sniff their tiny heads every chance I get to try to rub their baby dust all over me.

Wait.  What?

Anyway.  Cort is a little in love with the idea of having a tiny bundle in the house again too.  Look at how hard he fell for these two:

twin girls

Look at his FACE!! I die!

I figured Eddie would like the girls…he is a fan of playing “baby” lately at daycare.  He knows how to rock a baby and he likes me to swaddle Lamby so he can put him night night.

But I was not prepared for this…


He. Is. In. Love.

He saw me holding her and walked up to me, arms folded across his chest as if he was rocking an invisible baby, and he begged to hold her.  He kept repeating, “beh beh, Mama.  Beh beh,” so earnestly.

And when I gave in and helped him put her in his arms, I was shocked.

My rough little boy–the one who never walks, only runs–softly wrapped his arms around her.  There was no squeezing.  He did not press on her or wiggle around.  He did not poke her face or pull her limbs.

He was more gentle than I have ever seen him.

My heart leaped into my throat.  But because it was a party, it was all over quickly.

And then last night happened.  We were at the annual pig roast at the marina that is named for Cort’s dad, and I went in for the twin I did not cuddle at Eddie’s party.  Eddie was still strapped in his booster seat and was craning to see the baby.

Instantly his arms made the cradle sign and he pleaded with me to hold the “beh beh”. He put his arms out and patted her gently and begged me.

So I held her close to him again and he sighed, “beh beh,” and very gently gave her a kiss on her head. I tried to pull her back to me, but he stick a palm out to me and spoke sternly to me, “no, mama.  beh beh.”  And just like that he turned his eyes on her and ignored me.

Later he helped point out the babies’ diapers and their bottles and their “pe-aps” (pipeys) and their “kets” (blankies) and that they were “seep” (sleeping).  He wanted to make sure that one was Ok when she was crying.  He was concerned with them being taken care of.

I was stunned.

I was aware that Eddie can play nicely with others…I get great reports back from daycare, but I had no idea how gentle and kind he can be.

He loves to roughhouse with Cort and me.  He loves to run and be chased.  He loves to throw toys and bang on tables.  He loves to be destructive.

I was always a little nervous about how Eddie would treat a new sibling when/if we are blessed.

But in the past week all my worries have dissolved.

Eddie is already a Big Brother…waiting for his Little Brother or Sister.