Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

My child is determined to make me look like an idiot.

It all started when he was quite wee.

He would cry and scream and carry on in his colicky way.  I would cry and scream and pull my hair out.

And then we would go out in public or to one of our friend’s houses or to see our family.

And the boy would sleep or coo the entire time.  People would pass his little burrito-ed self around and sniff his head and tickle his toes and he would be the most content thing you ever met.

Everyone would say, “I don’t know what you are talking about!  He is always so GOOD!”

I was sure this was coincidence.  I mean, and infant cannot have a diabolical scheme against his parents, right?

The boy grew and changed. This is when the tantrums and the meltdowns started.   We would say, “no no, Eddie” and he would fling himself to the floor or hit the chair or the cat or us and scream.  Oh did he scream.

We go out?  And he is all smiles and dancing and wonderful.  He is a different child.

This is when I started giving him the side-eye.  I was pretty sure he had an agenda to make the world believe this his parents?  Were lying imbeciles who just liked to complain about how hard parenting is.

This week, he convinced me of his plotting.

Let me preface this by saying last week he hurt his ankle (or foot…hard to tell with a 20 month old) by falling over a friend (yes, he is as graceful as his mother).  It bothered him for less than 24 hours.  The weekend was totally fine.

Tuesday night?  Things got NOT FINE very fast.

All night long Eddie was up clutching his foot (or ankle, who knows).  Every 30-45 minutes he would SCREAM out from his bed, and we would find him holding his foot or waving it in the air at us.

This was a long night.

Somewhere around 4am, I asked Cort if he wanted me to take Eddie to the doctor that day.  I knew he couldn’t take our little man; Wednesday was his first day of his new job.  They tend to frown on people taking off their first day.

We agreed that I should stay home.  This was obviously painful to him and his little foot was warm and a bit swollen.

So I groggily put in for a sub and typed up some last minute lesson plans.

Fast-forward to our appointment later that morning.

Not only does Eddie totally walk into the appointment all cheery (like he really got more sleep than I did?  no.), but he dances…DANCES…around the exam room with the toys.

At this point I feel like his doctor is going to shoo us away with a nice pat on the head for the crazy worried mommy, but no.  She thinks that to be safe, he should have an X-ray done.

So I get Eddie’s socks and shoes back on, we check out at the pediatrician’s office, and head downstairs to take the corridor to the hospital to get the X-rays.

And yes, Eddie runs through the corridor like a crazy person because there is so much space.

I struggle to keep him somewhat not annoying to others in the lobby, then fight with him to stay on my lap in the little check-in room, and then finally let him play with the toys while we wait for the X-ray tech to call us back.

When the tech finally comes for us, Eddie is clearly done with this trip.  He does NOT want to leave the toys.

Enter: meltdown.

I calmly hold his hand and drag guide him to where we need to go.

And of course, the X-ray tech says, “hey, I thought he couldn’t walk on it.”

Yeah, thanks.  That was when he originally hurt it.  Now?  Apparently he is ready for Cabaret.

So they do the X-rays, we get back home, have our lunch and both take naps.

My nap is interrupted by a phone call from the pediatrician’s office.

“X-rays came back normal.  No fractures.”

Just like I figured.  He probably pulled something that was throbbing a bit in the night.  But he is fine now.

And while this conversation is going on?  My students are treating my sub like crap, my monitor at work dies, and my son?

He is sleeping and dreaming of his next plot to make me look like a lying crazy lady.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.


  1. Bwahahahaha! I think it is a universal baby/toddler plot. They’re trying to take over the universe!

  2. Haha! I feel your pain. My toddler has the same plot up her sleeve.

  3. My niece is an absolute angel when she’s with me – no tantrums.. no screaming, no sassiness. Her mom is around – and she’s all attitude and craziness (and she’s not even 3 till the end of this month). I think it’s a worldwide child plot.

  4. In my experience children who are raised properly and trust their caregives are generally nightmares when they want to be. Because they trust. But when they are out they are lovely because this is the expectation and they aren’t as comfortable to be little freaks as they are at home.

  5. Oh yeah. We get that around here too. My son is 2 and thinks that it’s HILARIOUS to make mommy look like a total idiot. But on the bright side, at least there wasn’t anything wrong with his foot/ankle. I guess that’s positive, right?

  6. Oh goodness, aren’t all kiddos like that. I love being an aunt, but not sure how fond I’d be of being a mommy!

  7. All kids are like that.

    Just FYI… It doesn’t get any better as they get older either.

    Hee hee!

  8. They certainly have a way of making us look our craziest, don’t they?! (Maybe he’s an extrovert so being around lots of people is interesting and boring old Ma-Ma and Da-Da are just too… well… boring.) Either that or it is a diabolical plot.

    Also, high-five for saying “quite wee”- love it!

  9. You were right the first time – your boy is a diabolical little monster.

    Lucky for him, he’s also adorable. 😉

  10. Oh yeah, every time we’ve taken Chessa to the doctor, she’s limp and miserable when I call and then when we get there she is giggly and funny and the doctor looks at me like I’m crazy. Good. Times.

  11. Aw, you poor thing! ((HUG))

    We go through the same thing with my FIL – most recently while talking to a nurse about possibly getting in-home care for him during the day. We went on and on about his memory issues, etc…then he comes downstairs and actually remembers stuff he NEVER remembers otherwise. I thought my husband was going to burst into flames, he was so frustrated!

  12. My just turned 3 yr old has taken to saying loudly “My mommy, you just HURT me,” when I pick her up out of the grocery cart or lift her off the floor from a toyless meltdown.

    New to your site – LOVE.

  13. As I’m reading this, in the background I hear a very faint “bwahahah” coming from Eddie…..

  14. I’m going to presume Leighann is very wise and correct in her philosophy. Because this happens to me too. Little buggers, all of them.

  15. Oh, yes.

    They only do that when they love their mommies A LOT.

  16. Oh, honey…I just had to come back and tell you how hard your comment made me laugh.

    You, the thought of you, being a cat blogger for 3 years.

    I can’t stand it…I am just howling.

    Oh, oh…you are precious.


    I just want to jump through the screen and hug you. You are so human.

  17. Yes. Children are evil in this regard. I’m surprised that they don’t come with their own tinkly theme music for when they’re around other people. Or magical halos. Or the beam of light with angelic singing.


    Diabolical little beasts. There is a reason God makes babies cute. Ahem.

  18. Oh, how I love when kids get miraculously better when in front of doctors!

    Kate was the same way (being good when out of the house) when she was an infant. And as crazy as it drove me then, I welcome it now because I know she’ll most likely be very well-behaved when out in public.

    Madelyn, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about where she is or who sees her throw down. 🙂

  19. Muwhahahaha…says Eddie with his ridiculously adorable face.
    We see this ALL THE TIME in our hospital. Kids are very resiliant…and evil 😉

  20. HA!! Those little dudes! Mine do that too…so sick or hurt or whatever at home but you get to the Dr and “voila” miraculously healed!!

  21. I’m so glad I’m not alone. I started noticing my son’s diabolical ways when he was around 11 months…glad to see it only gets worse 😉

  22. Oh no….well at least it wasn’t worse. Mine usually is sick at night then she’s ready to rock and roll by 10am. When I’ve taken the whole day off. And stayed up with her a chunk of the night. Nice trick, kid.