And now from the Random Eddie File…
************
While we are driving in the car…
Eddie: Mom. Look at that car!
Me: Which one?
Eddie: That one. That yellow one. That yellow car is FANCY!
(although it would sound more like: Dat one. Dat way-yo one. Dat way-yo caw is FANCEE!)
*************
Not long ago, Cort and I introduced Eddie to the “Guess what? Chicken butt.” joke. What he doesn’t understand is that the joke is in the rhyme.
Eddie: Guess what!
Me: What?
Eddie: Chicken butt!
Me: Ha! Guess what!
Eddie: What?
Me: Chicken hut!
Eddie: Ha ha! Guess what!
Me: What?
Eddie: Chicken nose!
Me: Um, Ha? Guess what!
Eddie: What!
Me: Chicken cut!
Eddie: He he he he! Guess what!
Me: What!
Eddie: <pause while he smiles, then the sound of a squeak toy being stepped on> CHICKEN TOOT!
Me: GROSS!!! P U!!!!
************
While Eddie is eating his lunch…
Me: Hey, Ed…
Eddie: What, Mom. What?
Me: I love you!
Eddie: <points, attempts a wink, and makes a click sound with his mouth>
Me: O_O
************
It is somewhere around 6:30 in the morning. I am sleeping and Cort is in the shower getting ready for work. Suddenly, a wiggly body is in bed with me trying to get comfy on Cort’s side.
Me: Eddie? Is that you?
Eddie: Yeah. I am sleeping here now.
Me: Ok. Why?
Eddie: Because of that noise.
Me: There is a noise? Downstairs? By your room?
Eddie: That noise, mom. Listen. Sounds like “shhhhhhh”.
Me: The shower? Daddy in the shower?
Eddie: Yeah. All that racket in the shower.
Me: Um, ok. Are you going back to sleep?
Eddie: (as he covers himself completely with the comforter) Yes. Don’t talk a me.
*************
As he runs past the bathroom door over and over and over as I get ready…
Eddie: YOUR MUSTACHE IS MUSTACHE!!!
Eddie: YOUR BEARD IS WEIRD!!!
Eddie: YOUR MUSTACHE IS MUSTACHE!!!!
Eddie: YOUR BEARD IS WEIRD!!!!
(repeat, ad nauseum)
(He got this off a men’s hair color commercial. The actual phrases are “Your beard is weird” and “your ‘stache is trash”).
************
As he collapses after 15 straight minutes of running up and down the hall yelling phrases from a men’s hair color commercial…
Eddie: Mom? I don’t have much energy.
Me: You’re all worn out?
Eddie: No, I just don’t have any energy. <takes a sip of milk> NOW I DO!!!!
(takes off again)
*************
As we curl up together in my chair before bedtime.
Eddie: (leans in very close) Mom? I wanna tell you an escret.
Me: A what?
Eddie: no a EE-SCRET!
Me: A secret?
Eddie: Yup. I wanna tell you one.
Me: Ok, do it.
Eddie: (all whispery and close to my ear) I yuv you, mommy.
Me: Oh Eddie. I have an escret for you too.
Eddie: What?
Me: (in his ear) I love you too. Forever and ever.
Eddie: that’s a YONG time, mom! Ha ha ha ha!
Me: It sure is, bud.
“I like your dance tricks. Yook at my dance tricks.”