Sometimes? My Kid is a Jerk

Tonight sucked.

Well it didn’t.  It was actually pretty great.  In fact, I was about to throw out a celebratory tweet or facebook update about how great of a mom I was tonight and how I rocked the socks of the home alone with Eddie while Cort had class deal.  Good thing I didn’t.  I would have been eating my words.

Cort left and we played for about 30 minutes and rocked out to some Little Einsteins.

I made dinner. We had mac n cheese and fruit salad.  Eddie scarfed down his pineapple and guava, but left the red papaya sit on his plate.  no biggie…he had a second helping of my awesome homemade Kraft mac n cheese.

Then we played some more until bath time…which is always a good time.

He helped me wash his hair (a new thing) by scrubbing with me and then pouring water over his head–rinsing all the pineapple juice and banana puree that he had managed to massage in at dinner.

After a quick dry off–he ran amok in the nude for a bit while playing a tambourine.

He even LET me put his diaper and jammies on him.

And in an unusual change of events, he even wanted to read books and snuggle through all of Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy (yes, we watch this before bed…it’s family friendly programing…and it’s educational.  Plus Eddie loves the music and clapping with the studio audience).

So the final credits rolled on Jeopardy, and I said, as usual, “Say goodnight to Louis.”

and he waved to the cat (as usual).

We rocked and sang and cuddled.

I put him in bed.

Then?  It’s like someone threw citric acid on the whole night.

We have had many, many, MANY great nights of me putting him to bed.

Tonight?  Was not one of them.

He cried.  Hard.

I rocked him.  Put him back to bed.

He cried.  HARDER.

I went in his room.  No pipey.  just tears and the shakey thing that happens when they can’t catch their breath from crying.

So I went and found the back-up pipey since his was no where to be found.

He was sort of warm, so I gave him some tylenol, rocked him, and put him back down.

Then there were cries like someone was eating his face.  They were awful.

I went in.  He stopped crying.  Just pointed.

No pipey.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  He was all awake and chatty and so, in frustration, I set him out of the bed so I could look.

Neither pipey was ANYWHERE.

Dude.  And he just laughed and ran out of the room.

Damnit.

He was doing this crap on purpose.

He was being a JERK!

My kid was exhibiting jerk-like behavior!

I lost my…well…shit.  I lost my shit.

I didn’t want to yell at him, so I cried.  And cursed under my breath.

I sat that way for a few minutes while he went around chirping and playing with toys.

Then I marched into his room and tore that nursery from end to end until I found one of the pipeys.

I gave it to him, marched him back to his room, rocked him, and put him down.

It took TWO HOURS, loads of tears, and a number of swear words, but my kid is sleeping.

Wait…maybe I spoke too soon….

Kate vs. Wal-Mart

I know Kimberly is not doing Secret Mommyhood Confessions today since it’s a holiday and all…but I have one for you.

I hate Wal-Mart.

Now, I know some of you are running to your Google readers and hitting unsubscribe as fast as you can because I just insulted the temple of all frugal mommies…but hear me out.

I don’t necessarily hate YOUR Wal-Mart…just every Wal-Mart I have ever been in–which is pretty limited.

In fact, up until today, I don’t think I had been in a Wal-Mart in over three years.

I know.

Go ahead.  Soak that in.

So what brought me there today?

Christmas returns.

Sigh.

Yes, Wal-Mart AND returns.  I know.  What was I thinking?

I eased myself in.  First I had a very pleasant return to Kohls.  Then I pleasantly returned something to Bed, Bath, & Beyond.

Before leaving that parking lot, I said a little prayer for my life, started the car and headed to Wal-Mart.

As soon as I got into the parking lot, I began to curse.

First of all, they have those stupid slanty parking spaces–you know, the ones where you have to drive a certain way to park into.

Those parking places alone do not make me mad.  They have them at Macy’s too and I have never been bothered by them there.

But at Wal-Mart?  People do not know how to operate the parking lot.  Even though it’s been this way forever.

So I am already frustrated because it takes me 5 minutes to get into a parking spot…not because I couldn’t find one…because I had to wait for people to figure out the parking lot.

The car parked, I start toward the entrance.

As soon as I got to the door, I was bombarded by no less than THREE homeless-looking guys asking for donations to several things.  Now, again, I don’t mind giving to charities (in fact I give to Salvation Army when the ring their bells, and we give to others regularly each year), but I do mind strange, large men getting all up in my grill about saving people.  uncool.

Moving along…

I get inside and an old man takes my item, scans it, and sticks a return sticker on it for me.  Ok, whatever.  Not sure why Wal-Mart has this process, but it doesn’t bother me.

I quickly find the Customer Service at the front of the store and let myself think for a second, “huh.  they’ve re-done this Wal-Mart since I have last been here.  Seems cleaner and newer…still smells the same though.  Eh, maybe it won’t be so bad.”

Mistake.  Wrong.  Incorrect.

I stand in line with my helicopter to return.  I am behind an older couple with a cart and one item.  The customer service desk has four ladies behind it–three who appear to actually be doing returns and one who is supervising and helping.

From this distance?  Things are still fine.

The middle customer service lady finishes up, sends someone on her way, and takes the old couple.

I wait patiently as it looks like the customer service lady on the Left will be opening up.

She does.  She begins talking with the supervisor lady about her headache.

I am the only person in line with my lonely toy.

The supervisor suggests that she is hung over.

Seems inappropriate conversation seeing as there are little kids with the lady on the right.

Middle lady finishes with old couple.

I am eagerly waiting to be waved forward.

Middle lady adds to headache conversation (perhaps Left lady should have her blood pressure checked.  What?)

Finally Middle lady sees me.  I smile.  She says, “well?”

Wait…what?

I tell her I want to return my item, please.

She takes it from me, scans it, shoves a return receipt at me and says, “sign this.”  (um…please?), and grabs it away.

While this is taking place, Right customer service lady finishes (all this while?  Headache conversation has been going on.  Along with much talk of booze.), and a larger man in pajama shorts and a Red Wing T-shirt with holes in it approaches her and says, “yeah I called earlier because you people didn’t give me my full refund on my thing.”

Middle lady (who is still not talking to me.  not sure what I did, but at least she is actually still working on my return) says, “oh yea, I totally e-ffed (yes, she said ‘e-ffed’ and not the REAL word) that one up.  It’s right there.”

Still inappropriate.

Then she turns back to me, hands me cash and says, “15.92, bye.”

“Um, thank you.  Happy New Year,” I say back.

She is already talking about how maybe she needs to “get  laid” to get rid of her headache.

Um.

So I start to walk to the toy section to pick Eddie a new toy when I realize, they just gave me cash.  I do not have to shop here!

Yippee!

And with that?  I leave stupid Wal-Mart.

But not before another parking lot struggle.

Oh and? I bought Eddie some Melissa and Doug toys at a local toy store, in case you were wondering.

I guess I won’t be sponsored by Wal-Mart to go to any blogging conferences.

Happy 2011.

The Blackest Friday

It was important that this day be as normal as possible.  Remember that.  Normalcy was important to me.

Black Friday of 2007 started out normal and I was ever thankful for that.  My mom and I did our shopping and we had a good time.  I didn’t bring it up the entire time we were out.  Not during our first few shops.  Not over coffee.  Not while when we walked past the baby stuff.

When I got home with all my packages, I intended to decorate the house with Christmas and wrap all of my newly bought gifts.  Just like any other year.

But this is when my “normal” was shattered.

While I was out, Cort had made plans for us with our friends (who, by the way, are usually only in state once–maybe twice–a year).  This wouldn’t be a big deal to me if those plans had fallen into the customary time period after my decorating and wrapping frenzy, but the plans called for us to be ready to go in less than 2 hours and I hadn’t even showered yet.

I know.  Big deal, right?

My world fell apart.

I was immediately angry at Cortney for messing up my “tradition”.  Inconsolably so.

“Just decorate tomorrow,” he offered.

“THAT IS NOT THE POINT!” I told him. “TODAY is when I wrap and then decorate all to the sounds of Bing Crosby.  Why can you not respect this?  Why would you make PLANS for us during this?  Do you not know me at ALL?”

He was speechless.  He even offered to cancel the plans.  But I wouldn’t let him do that.

“how would that look?” I questioned him.  “what would they think?”

So I begrudgingly showered and got all ready.

And went out to eat and to have beers.

And acted normal.

But ignored Cortney. I mean, how could he be so thoughtless?

The rage built.

After dinner we all headed over to our friends’ house where we could sit around and visit and share some wine and snacks.

I continued to ignore  my husband.

It got so bad that nearing the end of the night he came to the chair that I was actively ignoring him from and asked if I would like to go home.

I said yes.

We left an awkward wake behind us.

I started crying somewhere between here and there.

Once home my memory blurs.  I think the yelling started as we got ready for bed.  I finally started telling Cortney how this entire day was a big suck for me thanks to him.

He didn’t yell back (he never does).  He just looked sad.

But he questioned me.  He questioned how in the world this small change in my “normal” Black Friday routine could be THIS awful.

I raged at him.

And then?  I collapsed into the ugliest cry I remember having and blurted out,

“We were supposed to have a baby this week.”

And proceed to cry so hard I couldn’t get my breath.

In the dark warmth of our living room, on the leather couch where I had lain recovering from the loss, Cortney sunk and wrapped his arms around me.

“Oh, honey,” he managed.

It all started to make sense.  I was grasping for routine.  For nothing to be out of the ordinary.  For everything to “proceed as normally scheduled.”

When it didn’t?  I lost my shit.

And we sat in the dark on the couch for a very long time.

He instructed me to breathe.  To take deep breaths, and to talk about it.  Neither of us had mourned that loss like this.  And I didn’t expect the due date to hit me so hard.  I thought I was over it.  That it never bothered me that much.

But it did.  I had just suppressed it.

In the winter, when we had found out my due date, it was perfect.  All of our friends would be in town.  Family would be around.  Everyone would be ready to celebrate our baby. Somehow that fact made our unexpected pregnancy ok.  It made things start to look up.

But that night while Cort’s arms held me, my arms were empty.

No baby.

And I started to cry all over again.

It still never escapes me that if the first time around had happened, we would have been throwing a 3-year old’s birthday party this week.

Sometimes I still don’t know how to feel about this.  If we were having a birthday party, Eddie maybe wouldn’t be here.  And he is…well…there are no words for how that little boy makes my heart swell.

But yet…

someone is missing.

(two little someones, actually.  but that is another post.)

The very next Thanksgiving, Eddie was baking away in my tummy and we have never had a “normal” Thanksgiving weekend again.

I am closer to Cortney.

And I have never loved this holiday more.

Why it’s Called McFATTY

If you are into punctuation and the art of editing your writing?  I am getting all English teachery over at The Red Dress Club today.  Take a read.

______________________________________________________________________________________

First of all, I am not unaware of the hullabaloo this article has created all over the internet.

It makes me crabby that someone cares more about overweight people kissing on TV than the fact that they have everyone constantly making fat jokes about it all.

Something is wrong there, people.

Where were all these grossed out people when Rosanne was getting frisky with Dan 20 years ago?

Oh wait, people liked it because it was REAL.

Anyway, I am a REAL person and I am overweight at 191 pounds (yes, I went up a pound.  I blame the Halloween candy).  I am 5’7″ (roughly) and 191 pounds.  That is way overweight.

And you know what? To my knowledge?  No one has ever gagged or thrown up in their mouth when Cort and I smootch on each other.  I mean, if I have ever offended someone by holding my husband’s hand or kissing him, well, then…TOO BAD!

My point is that people who crab about fat people?  Need to shut up.  That is my McFatty lecture for the day.  There is more that I could add, but really?  I don’t think it needs to be said.

Publicly bashing fat people for grossing you out?  is hurtful. Just don’t look.

And now?  Back to me (because that is what it is really about yes?)

So I mentioned that I gained a pound.  I blame this:

This used to be full. And we only had like 6 trick or treaters. oops.

I am not even going to post on here in all of public how many bags of candy we went through..BY. OURSELVES.

It’s ugly.

And I am just thanking my McFatty stars that i only gained a pound.

Anyway, this week while I was battling with myself not to eat yet another “fun sized” treat, my friend “The Rocky Mountain Mama” informed me that she does a Meal Planning Monday.  I thought this fit pretty well with McFatty Monday since besides telling you all what I weigh, I am struggling to make better food choices.

For us, meal-planning starts on Sunday–before Cort goes and gets the groceries for the week.

First we decide together what would be a yummy meal for Tuesday night–the one night a week we get to eat as a family.

This week we decided on baked chicken with rice (recipe to follow).  Then I make the list and dig through my coupon holder to match up with what we are buying.  Before finalizing the list, I flip through the Meijer sales flier for the week to see if they have anything listed on sale that we could stock up on or use in lunches.

After all that, I add anything else we need in the house like TP or dish soap.

Lastly we think about what we will eat on the nights we are apart.  I usually eat PB sandwiches on wheat bread.

And that is it.  Cort takes a look at the list to make sure he knows what I am talking about, then he gathers up the Meijer reusable bags and the coupons and he is gone for an hour.

That’s it.

This week’s dinner:

Baked Chicken with Rice

2 cups of minute rice (I use brown)

1 can of cream of chicken soup

1 can of cream of celery soup

1 can of golden mushroom soup

1 package of dried onion soup (I use Lipton)

1.5 cans of water

**mix above together and spread in a greased 9×13 glass baking dish

**Put chicken (can be in bone, but I use 3 or 4 skinless breasts) on top

Bake for about 2 hours at 350 degrees

I like this recipe because we will have leftovers that I can take in my lunch.

We also usually have a veggie of some sort with this.  This week we are having corn.

So there you have it!  Hopefully I can make better choices now that the candy is almost gone from our house!

Want to link up for more meal plans? Click below:

Meal Planning Monday

Want more of McFatty Monday?  Click below:

Also? Tomorrow is Top Ten Tuesdays here in Sluiter Nation.  We are listing our Top Ten Favorite Children’s Books!  Join in!

Back to The Flip List…

Oh hey there, friends!

Today is the day to flip-off all the stuff during the week that has been driving you crazy!  It’s a great way to let go of the weekday stress and make a smooth, happy transition into the weekend.

So I am going to get started, mm-kay?

First, I need to flip-off the wind.  It started blowing Tuesday morning and it is FINALLY dying down.  As I posted on Wednesday, those winds were so crazy and swirly that we had tornado watches and warnings all over the place!  We had to do the whole “duck and cover” with a book over our heads routine twice in school.  It was not a big day for learning.  So?  Flip-off, WIND!

Next, I am going to flip-off the little cut on the tip of my finger.  You are healing nicely, but now your little skin flap keeps getting caught on every single piece of fabric in my life.  You are annoying.  Heal over already.  Sheesh.  Flip-off!

Ok seriously…this next one is driving me absolutely farking bonkers.  I have a ZIT COLONY on the right side of my chin.  Seriously?  What is going on here?  It started as one damn pimple.  Then it spread.  I have like five and a couple stragglers on my neck.  What am I?  thirteen all over again?  Do I REALLY need to go out and buy ZIT CREAM?!?  GAH!  FLIP-OFF with BOTH fingers!!!

I am also flipping off our lack of food in the house this week.  My lunches have sort of sucked this week and it’s sort of my fault.  I was lazy with the grocery list and therefore food did not magically appear in the house.  Very sad.  Flip off to you, grocery fail!

Ok, this one might lose me friends, but I am flipping off Halloween.  I can’t really pinpoint any good reason other than it seems like a hoopla of effort for not a whole lot of fun.  I just don’t like it.  I like fall decor and everything else that comes with October, but Halloween?  No.  You get the flip off.

And lastly, I always have a special flip-off for postpartum depression.  The writing prompt for The Red Dress Club this week was to create a character sketch of a villain.  This was all I could think of:  my own mind.  So flip-off, PPD for doing this to me!

Have some stuff to flip-off?  You know you do!  Head on over to Momma Kiss’ place and link on up…or just read more vent-tastic posts flipping crap off.

Top Ten Tuesday: Vacation Memories

Since I am in the midst of the longest stretch of work with no break (from Sept 7 until Thanksgiving), I thought an appropriate Top Ten list this week would be vacation memories.

Lately I have been finding myself dreaming of going far, far away with my little family so that we can get some much needed rest and relaxation together.  These dreams have taken me back to some memories I have of traveling with my family, with my husband, with my friends, and with my little family of three.

So here we go….

10. My mom walking off the dock in Pentwater, MI. I was in high school when my family rented a cottage up north in Pentwater, MI, and my parents let me take my best friend, Tonya, along with us.  This particular cottage didn’t have any private beach, but it did have a private dock that had a lovely wide end to it for sunning and swimming and just having fun in the water.  The first day we were there, my brothers, parents, Tonya, and I were headed out to the dock to hang out.  Everyone was preoccupied with what they were doing.

Apparently my mom was so preoccupied, that she didn’t  notice that the dock ended and she walked right off of it.  She tried to play it off like she jumped in, saying things like, “whew!  it’s hot out!  this water feels SO good!”  But Tonya had watched her do it and was laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe.  My mom being totally busted…and soaking wet…was pretty hilarious.

9. Buffalo with my fiance. The year before Cort and I were married we took a trip to New York state to visit friends (oh hey, Phil and Liz!!) who lived in Rochester at the time.  Before we got there, though, we wanted to stop for a couple nights in Buffalo.  I wanted to go to the zoo–which was talked up on their website as being the third oldest zoo in the nation, having elephant washing, giraffe feeding, and camel riding–and Cort wanted to see Niagara Falls (even though I

Monkeys at the Buffalo Zoo

told him it’s just a lot of water).

This story could be a whole post, but I will boil it down to this:  Buffalo Zoo?  Lame.  We did not get to feed any giraffes, wash any elephants, or ride any camels.  We set aside a whole day for a zoo we walked int 20 minutes.  And Niagara Falls?  Cort agreed it was just a lot of water.

But we had fun laughing at our misfortune, AND we had a super time once we got to Rochester!

8. Spring Break in college. The one and only time I ever went on a spring break trip was my sophomore year in college.  A group of friends (Go Broncos!!) and I took a plane (my first jet ride ever) to St Petersburg, FL for a week-long stay.  Every day we sat by the pool and tanned.  Most of us were under 21, so we didn’t do a lot of night life, but it didn’t matter.  We had so much fun just hanging out!  And since there were five of us and only two queen-sized beds?  We rotated the person who slept on the floor. It was just plain fun and crazy.

7. Florida with my family. About four years before the spring break trip to Florida, my family took us all to Orlando, FL.  It was one of the first “big” trips my family ever took together (we usually just rented cottages for a week).  We drove the 24 hours there as a family in a van.  I have lots of hilarious memories from this trip, but one that has to do with me was when we were in the Magic Kingdom and I (an almost-sophomore in high school) was SO crabby, my mom actually made me take a time out!  While my dad and my brothers enjoyed Thunder Mountain?  I was stuck on a bench sipping a diet coke until I could “improve my mood.”

6. Tigers baseball game with my family. We have been to MANY Tiger Ball games together as a family, but one in particular sticks out to me because I. DID. NOT. WANT. TO. BE. THERE.

My family had just gotten down with a trip that included Cedar Point and a drive-thru safari (a WHOLE different memory), we were making our way back through Michigan via Detroit because my parents had gotten us tickets to see a game.  People?  As a 16 year old teenager?  I was done.  I did NOT want to be on this trip anymore.

To show my displeasure, I ridiculed (loudly) everything about the game, I insisted on showing off my new Spanish skills (thank you, high school Spanish II) by ordering my refreshments only en espanol, and I targeted the poor kid who was sitting in front of us.

That was probably the most obnoxious thing that I did.  This kid was a total Ken Griffey, Jr fan and every time Griffey did something great, he would say, “ROOOOUTINE hit for Griffey!”

It was that annoying.

So I started quietly heckling.  Finally, Griffey struck out and I leaned forward and yelled, “ROOOOOOOUTINE HIT FOR GRIFFEY!”

Dining at the Experience Music Project

The kid did not say another word the entire game.

5. Seattle with my hubby. One year after being married, Cortney and I decided to fly (my second time on a jet) to Seattle–the home of his favorite band, Pearl Jam–for a week-long vacation.  He didn’t want to be around for the “anniversary” of his dad’s passing away, and Seattle was some place we both really wanted to visit.  So we went.

We went to a zoo (duh), and aquarium (duh), the Experience Music Project, the Space Needle, the Pacific Ocean, Pike Place Market, and lots of downtown wanderings.

4. Montana for one of my best friends. Because I will do anything for my friends, Cort and I decided our vacation in 2007 would be the trip we were making to Montana for a wedding that I was in.  I blogged about it here.

Looking good at the Montana wedding

We found out a few things on that trip:  North Dakota is boring.  Montana is beautiful (and boring), Wyoming is beautiful (and boring), South Dakota has some good place to stop, but the Mitchel Corn Palace is not one of them.

3. Camping/Canoeing with the in-laws. Ok, I hate camping.  It is NOT my idea of a vacation.  But we have gone twice.  TWICE!  I blogged about both trips here, here, and here.  Despite my hate of all things camping, we have a pretty damn good time!

Canoe Trip 2010

2. Indianapolis with my family of three. This past summer’s trip to Indy will always be a favorite of mine because it was our very first vacation as a family of three.  Granted, it was only three days, but in that three days, we spent two (successful) nights in a hotel with a toddler, did some sight-seeing, visited with great friends, met some new great friends, and spent a total of eight hours in the car with

My bloggy friends in Indy

a screaming toddler.

1. My honeymoon. You knew this had to be #1, right?  Most people at this point would talk all about their magical getaway to some all inclusive resort, or perhaps a romantic trip to Europe?  Maybe a cruise?

Not us.  We were on a budget, people.

We went to Myrtle Beach.  Actually, we DROVE to Myrtle Beach. Yes, I know there are some kick ass places to stay and be pampered in Myrtle Beach.  No, we did not stay at one of them.  We stayed at the Mystic Sea Resort–which, upon arriving?  Cort deemed neither Mystical nor Resortish.  In fact, he may have used a swear word and then commented how it looked nothing like what it did on the internet (you would think we would have learned from the Buffalo Zoo debacle, wouldn’t you?).

Two newlywed beach bums

There are so many stories I can tell you about Myrtle Beach, but the main thing is that we started our marriage off with something we could afford and made it fun.  We laughed until we cried.  We enjoyed being together.  And it was perfect.

Don’t get me wrong, some day I would LOVE to go on a “real” vacation.  Something all-inclusive.  Somewhere that creates little swans and monkeys out of my towels.  But until then, we will have fun with our budget vacations.  It’s what I am used to growing up, and it is what you make it!

Now how about you?  Do you have a Top Ten list of your vacation memories?  Link it up!  And tune in this weekend when I announce next week’s Top Ten Tuesday Topic!

Is This Thing On?

The auditorium is completely dark.
The audience sits in anticipation.
There is shuffling of feet.  A cough.  A few sniffles.
Everyone waits, unsure as to why they are even here in the first place.
And then?  A single spotlight shines on the stage illuminating what appears to be a soapbox.
From off stage, I walk slowly and climb up carefully onto the soapbox.
I tape the microphone that is set up for me…
Um.  Hi.  Is this thing on?
Um, like I said.  Hi.
I don’t usually use this platform for soapbox speeches, but I feel compelled today, so I thank you all for being here.
I need to talk about teen pregnancy today.
There is a lot of the pregnant going on in the teen world.  And I am not Ok with it.
In fact, I am all kinds of upset about it.  Remember, I am a teacher.  I am witnessing 14 year olds becoming parents.
FOURTEEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN HAVING CHILDREN.
Sorry, I had to yell that because that is what I am dealing with.  How do I respond to these students?  Huh? What do i say?
I’m sorry?
Bummer, dude?
Congratulations?
Holy ham sandwiches?
So I just give them a shocked look.  Although I don’t think that helps anyone.
And then of course they ask me tons of questions because they know I have a toddler.  I don’t mind sharing (you all know that), but really?  Why are they not asking their MOMS?
I try to let these girls know how sad it is to have to give up your childhood at 14.  I didn’t give mine up until 31 (some would say I am still holding it close).  My most crazy and fun time was my 20’s!  they won’t have that!  they will have have high schooler before they are thirty.
How did this happen?  I thought I had it figured out.  I thought it was just the girls who came from homes where no one was educating them or talking to them or monitoring what they were doing.
But then I heard of other pregnancies.  Of ones from kids whose parents I KNOW talk to them and expect college and academic success from.  Who have high standards, but not impossibly high standards.
So what is it?  Why did I not end up a teen mom, but these girls are?
I tried to think about how my parents talked to me…um, they didn’t.  I don’t remember one solitary conversation about respecting my body or to not do anything that could get me pregnant.
I vaguely remember a trip to the library when my youngest brother was “in the oven” about how babies get in and out of mommies’ tummies.
I remember my parents being skeptical of boys.
I remember purity crap they tried to feed us in school and church because they weren’t allowed to talk about any other prevention.  I also remember girls getting pregnant with that purity promise on their finger.
Why? What is the difference between the success stories and the teen moms?
Luck?
I can tell you my not getting pregnant was not luck.  I somehow had it ingrained in me that I was better than that.  That I was worth more than that.  I didn’t have a ton of self-confidence or self-esteem.  I was mocked relentlessly in middle school for acne problems, but even when the boys started noticing me in high school?  I never gave in.  I dated, but I didn’t make babies.
Why?
I don’t have an answer to that.
But I wish I did. I wish I knew what to say to those girls I teach to make them know they have so many options other than that guy.
I want to be able to teach Eddie NOT to pressure girls or to BE pressured by girls (let’s face it, they are as much to blame as the dudes.  Girls are not just innocent victims here).
I want him to respect all people’s bodies including his own.  Look but don’t touch.
How do I do this?
And then back to my current problem…how do I show these girls support without condoning what has been done?
If I help them out and get all their work together and ask them how they are feeling, I get accused of supporting what has happened to them.
If I show any sort of hint of disapproval, I am accused of being all judgey and cold.
I feel sorry for these girls.  I want better for them.  But I feel sorry for those babies too.  Is this going to be a cycle?  Are they going to grow up lacking some sort of self-awareness or self-esteem too?
Or maybe that is not even it.  I know girls who got pregnant in high school and they love their life and everything is great.  And they wouldn’t change it.
But…
I still see teen pregnancy as a problem. I do.
Does this make me bad and judgey?
But I want to help those who get pregnant succeed.
Does this make me condone teen shenanigans?
Help!
I want to fix this problem.
Because, yes.  it is a problem.  Teen pregnancy is a HUGE FLIPPING PROBLEM! And so is not knowing how to handle it!
And you know what?  I am going to flip it off for my Friday Flip-offs.
Whew.  There.
Thank you for listening to this rant.  I needed to get that out.
I nod one last time at the audience and then cautiously climb off the soapbox.
I turn one final time unsure of which way to exit.
I smile sheepishly and trot quickly off stage.
The spotlight is cut.
There is a pause.  And then?
Applause.

Kludgy Mom is the brainchild behind the flip-offs and Momma Kiss has been hosting the link up.  Go forth and read the vents.

What Happens When I Poll the Audience….

Today I didn’t know if I should tell you about all the poop that is flying around our house lately or do my flip-offs.

So i polled the audience.  And by audience, I mean twitter.  Because there is instant gratification in polling twitter.

Anyway.

You all voted and you wanted…..

That’s right…it’s been a couple weeks, but the flip-offs are back by popular demand.  The topic of poop?  It is still coming…just maybe another day.

Ok…so here we go… (cracks knuckles)…

First I am TOTALLY flipping off the moron in the red buick something or other in my neighborhood that I get stuck behind in the morning if leave the house at just the “right” (re: WRONG) time in the morning. 

Let me explain.  We live in one of those windy subdivisions that doesn’t have any stop signs (because there is SO not enough traffic to justify stop signs) until you get to the only entrance/exit which is on a main road.

Red Buick?  He feels the need to make a COMPLETE stop at each and every intersection.  He then proceeds to go no faster than 15 mph throughout entire said windy subdivision.

Now I get that it’s important to be cautious.  You don’t want to hit any kids walking to the bus stop.

But at 6:30am?  There are no kids walking to the bus stop yet.  I know this because on days when I am running late?  Like 7:00am late?  THAT is when the kids are walking to the bus stop.

So on these days when I think I am being all on time and early (re: OUT OF CHARACTER FOR ME), Red Buick ruins it for me.

FLIP OFF to you, Red Buick (in fact, I DID flip him/her off this morning…but he/she was too focused on not going over 15, that I don’t think he/she noticed.  So it didn’t count.  So I had to do it here.  So there.)

Ok secondly?  I need to flip off one of our banks.

I am not going to say WHICH bank this is because we do get good service here and the tellers are stellar (you love it.  don’t pretend you don’t).

But this bank?  Has called our house eight times since last Friday.  Our home phone is on the fritz (a WHOLE other flip off), and so we let it go to voicemail and then call our callers back with our cells.

Bur the bank?  Is not leaving messages.

Eight times.  EIGHT MOTHER LOVING TIMES.

three of those times were in ONE DAY.
 
So finally Cort called the number that came up on our caller id (after the fifth time they hung up, mind you).  and apparently this is their marketing department trying to let us know about a good mortgage rate.

Wait.  What?

We JUST refinanced last year at this time.  What the ham sandwich, batman?

So Cort tells them, “um, you need to put us on the do not call list.”

And the lady is all “well, you have to call customer service to request that, and it can take up to 30 days.”

sigh.

So after this conversation?  Three more times they call.  Three.

For a total of EIGHT TIMES.

Bank?  FLIP OFF!

And finally…

I need to go ahead and flip off the cat and his choice of pooping locations.  There will be more of this shared in the upcoming and much anticipated “Poop Post”, but let’s just say my old ass cat is getting all sorts of mean-spirited and poop crazy.  and bad, awful things have happened because of this.

So I flip off the cat poop…and the toothbrush that was thrown out because of it.

Oh…and I know I said “finally” above, but I need to add this…

PPD has a PERMANENT flip-off here in Sluiter Nation, you all know that.  But what you don’t know is that I am all guest posty over at Rocky Mountain Mama’s today for her PPD Awareness Week.  I’m talking about the differences between Baby Blues (which are normal) and PPD.  So go check me out and leave me a comment over there so I don’t feel all lonely.  I hate feeling lonely. Especially on a Friday.

So click this picture and read the post.
Rocky Mountain Mama
and then read the rest of the posts.  They are pretty amazing.
Oh, and for more flip-offs?  You can visit…um…I don’t even know.  Kludgy Mom is the brainchild of the Flip-offs, so go say hi to her.  She has been occupied as of late, so Momma Kiss had the link up.  So just go to both.  They are awesome.  Trust me.

Bittersweet….

Cause it’s a bitter sweet symphony, this life

Every choice  make brings good and bad it seems.  Today I was reminded of the good that my new choices will bring.  Power was lost at school and we were sent home. 

Home to a quiet house. 
Home with my lessons to plan.
Home for a much-needed nap.
Trying to make ends meet
You’re a slave to money then you die
All we do is struggle to keep ourselves afloat.  Cortney goes through promising interviews.  Every damn time we get our hopes up.  Every time (so far) he gets the rejection.  He is MORE than qualified.  He is exactly what they are looking for.  But he doesn’t have a degree.  OR they are afraid once he gets his degree he will leave.
And that leaves us back at square one.
So I worry.
And I take on extra duties and jobs.
And I overextend myself for money.
Until I die.
No change, I can’t change
I can’t change, I can’t change
Cortney begs me not to worry.  Not to take on more than I can handle.  Other people ask me if I am crazy. 
I KNOW I should take care of myself first.
But I can’t.
I just can’t.
I am selfish in many, may ways.  But taking something away from my family that I could provide by just sucking it up for a limited amount of time is something I just can’t do.
But I’m here in my mind
I am here in my mind
I do these things I know are not good for me even if they are good for others.  But I KNOW it.
I know I want my family to be comfortable even if I’m not.
I know I take on jobs because I want to make people happy.
I know I do things that might not want to do because I feel important if I do them.
I know I take things on just so I won’t be forgotten.
I am aware.
But I’m a million different people
from one day to the next…
To follow the old cliche, I wear more hats than my head can possibly handle.
I bite off way more than I can swallow and digest, let alone chew.
I play more roles in one day than I can list on all my fingers and toes.
I know it would be healthier for me to quit doing that.
But how?  How do I continue to be a GOOD teacher, mother, wife, etc if I just think about me?
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me,
yeah
Some days I just need it to be recognized that I struggle.  I just need people to see it, understand it’s a part of me, and feel it for me for a second.
I am not looking for pity.
I am not whining.   
Most days, anyway.
I’ll take you down the only road I’ve ever been down
I don’t know what else to blog about besides that.  
This is my life.
This is OUR life.
We have struggles.
We try VERY hard to keep a positive outlook in all things.  We try to laugh a lot.
Because if you don’t laugh?  You lose.  You die.  You’re done.
But sometimes?  That is hard.
There needs to be a break in the laughter.
And this is one of those breaks.
Stuff isn’t funny to me right now.  It’s just damn hard.
I wish it didn’t have to be, but this is the only road Cort and I know.  We started down this hard road when we walked back down the aisle together as man and wife.
Neither of us had known a ton of hardship until then.
We are so very lucky to have each other and this journey.  But it’s not easy.
Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life

If you are feeling all “help a teacher out”, you can visit the teacher wish lists for the teachers in my district.  I am on there as well, but all of us need help.  We have huge classes and little to zero funds to get the things we need.  Anything you can do is much appreciated. 

Plus also? All your comments and tweets on my post this morning and about my meltdown?  Wonderful.  I will get to responding (if your email is connected to your commenting account).

And one more thing?  about comments?  Soon I will be over at wordpress and responding to what you say to me will be much easier.  YAY!

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