on writing and stuff

The past two weeks have been spent writing my face off.  I wanted to share a piece I am particularly proud of, but first the back story of this piece.

It all started with this blog post that I wrote on Exploded Moments for a prompt from The Red Dress Club (before I was part of the leadership) called a day at the beach.  I liked it and got lots of good feedback, but I felt like it wasn’t quite right and I wanted to turn it into a poem.

I wrote a new draft of it in poem form and brought it to my writing group.  They did NOT hold back.  In fact, I was the last to go for the day, and on my drive home I wanted to punch a few of the in the mouth.  I asked Cort to please pick up Eddie and I went straight home to work on the piece because I was so crabby.

They totally misinterpreted what I was trying to say.

I realized, though, that that was my problem as the writer.  Writers don’t follow their work out into the world explaining what they meant.  The work has to stand on it’s own.

So I rewrote.

And took it back.

There were still issues, but this time instead of grumbling, I listened more closely to what my group said.

Today I read this for them.  I think I nailed it, but you tell me.

*************

Ashes

I didn’t belong there. Yet
I did.

I was family too. But
so new.

I don’t remember who drove the boat.
(does it matter? It wasn’t him.
Not anymore.
Not ever again.)

Three siblings sat on the bow of the fifty foot Sea Ray:
the last ride with Pops.

a widow clutched a metal box.

a pastor held his robes against the breeze.

and I
sat alone
in a small corner
with the extra line and hooks

apart.

The boat—set in a low idle—
calmly made its way
through
the
still waters of the channel to
the Big Lake
and I
searched the pier for
empathy.

*************

This is the picture that originally jogged my memory and inspired the poem…

spreading the ashes

heading out to spread Pops' ashes Labor Day weekend, 2005. Cort, Cody, and Kenz on the bow

I do have more pieces from the past two weeks, but I am still working on them to send away in my portfolio.

What do you think of this one?  Does it seem the two weeks was worth it?

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