Buh Bye PPD

Today is my friend Lauren’s birthday.

She is one of the most beautiful women I know.  She is also a fierce advocate for postpartum disorders.  When I first told my story on the blog, and tweeted about it, she found me.  She invited me to #ppdchat on Mondays.  She helped me to understand what I had.

So many others were there too.  Because I opened up, I found Amber and Miranda and Katherine and Grace and Blair and Kimberly and Alexis and so, so many more.

And today?  Today is Lauren’s birthday.  She has done so much for PPD awareness and even on her birthday she wants to keep advocating.  Today she announced that is the 1st Annual Postpartum Awareness Balloon Release, and asked PPD survivors everyone to release a purple balloon with a note and her blog address attached.

Being a PPD survivor?  I joined in.

Today I bought a half dozen purple balloons.  Eddie had one with a message and so did I.  The others?  They were just pur-dee.

After attaching our notes of hope, Eddie and I headed out to the front yard to release our balloons.  To let our hope float.

I am not going to lie.  It was a bit emotional letting go of that junk that is PPD with my little guy at my side.

And together we waved Buh-Bye to PPD and all the crap that comes with it.  Eddie’s balloon soared high above the trees and left our field of vision quickly.

Mine?  Mine got stuck in the telephone wires.  Right next to the house.

Cortney smiled and shook his head and said, “sort of symbolic, isn’t it?”

UGG!  I told him I just wanted them to soar away while we waved so I could type up a happy, feel-good post about it.  But no, my damn balloons got stuck.  ON OUR PROPERTY!

Is this a sign?  Sheesh, I hope not!

So I decided to play with Eddie for a bit outside.  We were happily playing “chase the golf ball” when I looked and noticed that the balloons were still attached to that stupid wire, but had inched their way all the way down to the actual electric pole.  And switched wires.

We kept playing.

A few times I would look up and think they were gone, but then notice that they were just hiding behind the pole.

Isn’t that just like PPD?  You think you have dramatically let it go and it’s gone, but it sits there just out of sight sometimes waiting for you.  Letting you know it’s still there.

Even now, from the house I can see that they are way down the lines…but still there.  still hanging on.  still dancing in the setting sun.

but they are far enough away now that i forget that they are stuck to the wire every now and then.  And that?  That is also like PPD.  When it’s managed and being taken care of?  I don’t really think about it.

Which means, I think I can officially wave buh-bye to it.

Just like Eddie did.