It’s funny what opening up your soul and letting your feelings vomit all over your blog will do for your mental well-being. After writing through this lonely feeling I have been having, I have purged the yuck and replaced it with hope and joy and fun.
If these things were listed on facebook? I would click the thumbs up and “like” them all…
the smell of Charlie’s head right after a bath
all the extra hugs and cuddles Eddie gives me lately. It’s like he can’t get close enough.
newborn grunts…even when they are producing poo.
taking Charlie out on almost-daily adventures.
the way Cort can fit his arms all the way around me now that I am not pregnant.
the first taste of coffee in the morning.
watching Eddie bound for the mailbox with his daddy each day they come home.
the way Charlie prefers to sleep with a buddy, and that he prefers that buddy to be me.
listening to music all day instead of having the
idiot box TV on in the background.
the way Eddie’s curls stand up all over the morning after bath night.
the absence of depression and anxiety.
Charlie’s awake times when we lay on the floor together and coo.
the occasional Starbucks run during the week.
being present in the moment.
the little noises Charlie makes when he is getting ready to wake up.
Eddie’s voice each day saying, “Hi mommy!” when he first walks through the door after being away from me all day.
the way Eddie rushes to see “Baby Cha-wee” immediately after greeting me each afternoon.
reading blogs each morning…even if I can’t comment because my arms are full of baby.
the way Charlie turns in towards me when he is trying to fall asleep.
catching Cort checking me out.
smelling baby on me when I am not home with the baby.
the way Eddie can’t get his face close enough to Charlie.
5-hour stretches in between night feedings.
that moment when Charlie’s breath and mine meet and we both surrender to sleep.
Cort reaching for me and rubbing my back as I fall back in bed at 5am.
making time for a hot shower each day.
how attractive fatherhood looks on my husband.
giving myself permission to just hold a baby and drift in and out of sleep with the ball game on TV.
oh and this:
Life is so beautiful.
Thank you all for reminding me and bearing with me while I worked to find the beauty again.