finding friendship

Ugg.

This week has been so hard and weird.  It started with a drunk driving accident that ended up claiming the life of two students (one whom I had in class) from the school where I teach.

Then yesterday (which is today since I am writing this Tuesday night) Eddie had to have four stitches.  I’ll tell that story tomorrow.  I’m too tired now to get into it.

So I am beyond thankful that it’s time for a new Sluiter Nation Recruit.

I could not have a more perfect person here in Sluiter Nation today to watch the place while I hug my boys extra tight and just breathe for a day.

Michelle is lovely and her blog, Things I Can’t Say is a perfect showcase of her loveliness.

When I first stumbled upon her blog last year (about two seconds before BlogHer), I was immediately in love…and jealous…just after reading the title.

You see…I have always wanted a blog where I could say the things I can’t say.

I mean, I say a LOT here…but I hold back even more.

And then I started reading her words.  They weren’t big rants, but lovely, thoughtful, REAL musings about her life.

I can’t imagine her not fitting right in wherever she roams…

*************

I’ve always been an introvert. Not shy, but an introvert.

I never minded having a book for company and I was happier observing situations rather than jumping in and being the first to join in with a group.

Liking to think things through first, I sometimes can come off as a little standoffish- that’s the nice way to put it– but I don’t mean to be.

And once I get to know people, they tend to forget that I was ever quiet to begin with- because I then won’t shut up.

Over the course of many moves, I learned to become much more outgoing, even though it still isn’t completely natural to me.

But now, I live in a town where I feel like I just don’t fit in. I don’t feel like I belong. And even for someone who has changed a lot over the years, my introverted tendencies haven’t completely gone away and it’s not easy to find a way to belong.

I have to remind myself that I won’t fall through a hole in the ground if I extend friendship to someone and they don’t like my offer.

I have to remember that just because there is a group of friends all standing together, having a good time, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want anyone else to join in with them.

Sometimes, I’m not the only one who feels like she doesn’t belong and maybe they are just waiting for someone to help them feel a part of something, too.  And that maybe, sometimes I need to be that person, instead of waiting for them to reach out.

That maybe, the way I’ll finally feel like I belong will be to help others feel like they do, too.

thingsicantsay

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