The FINAL Final Countdown

This weekend I passed the 36-week mark in my last pregnancy.  We took my final pregnancy “week” photo…ever.

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Like I said before, pregnancy is hard for me. Oh, there are people for whom it is much, MUCH harder, I know. But it is still not my favorite state of being.

But this is not about that.

This is about the fact that in less than three weeks I will be done with child-bearing. People ask, “are you SURE you don’t want more kids?”

No. I am not sure. But I am POSITIVE that I don’t want anymore of them to grow in my body. And my body most definitely agrees with me. I have officially been in the phase of “child-bearing” for seven years. I’ve had five pregnancies, two babies, and God-willing one more in a few weeks. It is enough.

Even though I am more than ready to be done being pregnant forever, of course there is still the little twinge in my heart with those words “last” and “final”. I’m very aware every time she rolls or kicks that these are the last baby movements my body will feel. It’s the last time I will share my body.

I can honestly say that it has been a miracle and an honor to share my body with all three of my children–to use myself to grow them and feed them and love them. And at the exact same time, it has been a rough ride. It’s an odd thing to hold such contradictory feelings at the same exact time.

Being a parent does that to you though. I know it’s happened before having children, but all feelings and emotions are magnified when you bring small humans into the world. The line between love and loathing becomes extremely blurred. I love and loathe this thing called pregnancy. I have never loved anyone so hard as I have loved my children (and my husband since we’ve had children). I have also never felt such exasperation, defeat, guilt, and rage than I have since having children.

I have never wanted to quit as much as I have being a mother.

I have also never wanted to fight for someone else or myself as much as I have being a mother.

I have never laughed or cried as hard as I have since my kids came into this world.

I have never appreciated and hated the small things in this world…like a small hand in mine or crumbs in my favorite chair…so much as I have since children moved into this house.

My heart now knows what it feels like to be filled and broken at the same exact time.

Alice is scheduled to come into the world via Csection on the morning of Friday, March 6 thus ending my child-bearing years.

We are all excited, nervous, and ready and not ready at all.

Just as you would expect.

9months

The last “bump” pic from each baby.

 

The Home Stretch

8monthspreg

I just fell over laughing at this comparison.

First, I apparently gave up with Eddie and Charlie by this point. Was I living in jammies or what? I mean, I look homeless in the Eddie shot.

Secondly each tummy is progressively bigger…like it’s giving up a little with each pregnancy. It’s all “look how cute and small I still am” with Eddie and now with Alice it’s all “ugg. dude. get it OVER with already.”

It’s also funny to me that I have a helper in the Charlie photo because look:

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Yup, Charlie was all sorts of excited to help me out with the Alice picture!

So I’m officially in the 8th month of my last pregnancy. Suddenly all the “Alice Will Be Here Soon” things are starting to happen: My sub for the rest of the school year has been hired. My 12 weeks off has been approved and put in the system. I have done a load of baby laundry. We have a lot of the infant stuff located. We even have some diapers and a stockpile of formula.

We need to put the car seat bases into our vehicles which may be a bit of a puzzling challenge with the other two 5-point harness seats in there already, but we will make it work.

We need to dust off the swing and the bounce seat.

I have a colleague who is generously giving us their rock n play for Alice to use, and we probably should get some more baby pants and socks and hats.

We need to find the bottles and wash them.

We should probably get serious about organizing what the heck we are doing with school pick up and such while I am still healing from surgery. I thought about making some freezer meals, but we all know I don’t have time for that. I will just accept whatever comes our way and ask Cortney to pick me up a taco the other times.

I am starting to feel the need to reduce everything extraneous from our schedule and prepare to hunker down in the baby daze. I am excited to have that small bundle in my arms rather than kicking my butt…from the inside.  I want all the things in my house clean, but I also want all the naps to be mine.

And there is that wee small part of me that realizes that this is the beginning of the end.

No more pregnancies after this. 98% of me says THANK GOODNESS! That tiny 2% of me is like “aw”.

We are in that home stretch of reaching brand new territory.  Only one more monthly photo to go before show time!

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