the lonely silence

It is always so nice to get ready in peace.

No one is trying to wear my shoes or help with makeup or hold the mirror for me.

No one is playing with the light switches in the bathroom or running through the bathroom door into the bedroom, out the bedroom, into the bathroom…and repeat.

No one is flushing the toilet incessantly or asking to brush his teeth for the umpteenth time.

It’s always nice to leave for an event in peace.

No rushing to drop anyone off.

No prolonged bye-bye’s at the door.

No worrying about how he will act during the ceremony or if he can wait to eat until the reception.

It’s lovely to have a night out alone with my adoring husband.

We hold hands.

We walk slowly and have conversations.

We laugh and enjoy the fun times of friends and family.

There is no chasing.

There is no soothing.

There is no distracting.

Just us.

No bedtime routine.

No battles about one more book.

No crying about the dark room.

Just the two of us getting home when we want.  Getting to bed when we want.

And no one yelling, “DADDDYYY!  WAKE UP!  SUN UP!!”

Waking up when we want.

yet…

that wake up was lonely somehow.

No one came and crawled into bed with me this morning.

No one tip-toed noisily to my side of the bed and announced, “Get up, Momma!”

No one snuggled under the covers and demanded to watch Bob Bob.

No one asked for music so he could have a dance party on momma and daddy’s bed.

I got up this morning to silence.

I remember silence, but I don’t remember it feeling empty.

It is so nice to get away from responsibility.

But I am always surprised by how much I miss the chatter and silliness of that responsibility.

How much I miss the run-by-hugs and that little voice that is so matter-of-fact.

How much I miss knowing this is snuggled in the next room…

this is what happens at the butt crack of dawn when the boy doesn't want to get up.

I never thought that a “date night” would be bittersweet.

I never thought I would long for the one thing that can frustrate me the most in this world.

I never thought I would fall asleep missing the finger dimples and piggy toes and soft blond curls.

But I fell asleep thinking of him and woke up missing him.

I am so thankful for time away with just Cort.

But getting Eddie back in my arms the next day is almost as wonderful.

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