Why I Will Never Be a “Big” Blogger

I have no idea lately if my thought are rational or just…pregnant.

I’m told I get irrational, emotional, and sort of paranoid when I am pregnant.  What about it?

I also apparently get a monster case of insomnia.  Lately my stupid nasal sinuses have been constricting just enough that I can sort of breath through one nostril…but it sort of make a flappy noise and then I concentrate on that and then I can’t breathe normally and then I can’t sleep.

At all.

And when I can’t sleep I start thinking about things.  And lately it’s been my blog and all the things I do online…er…haven’t been doing lately since I have no energy.

I came to a conclusion:  I will never be a “big” blogger.

This is probably not news to any of you, but it was sort of freeing to me.  I mean, I don’t think I even realized I was trying so hard.

Anyway…here are the reasons that came to me for why Sluiter Nation will never be HUGE.

1. I just don’t care enough about my numbers.  I don’t.  I look at my analytics once in a blue moon.  The only reason I know how many “hits” I get a day are because I use Jetpack and it’s right there in my dashboard.  But if I have a low day?  I don’t do anything differently than on a high day.  My numbers are erratic and I have zero motivation to figure out why or how to fix it.

2. I just don’t have the time.  Tweeting, facebooking, reading blogs, commenting on blogs, plugging my blog, schmoozing with brands, pitching myself for freelance.  Bah.  I just can’t do it all anymore.  Maybe it’s the pregnancy and lack of energy, but I would much rather tweet and comment and such when I feel like it and I can be genuine than to do it just to get my own blog out there.

3. I just want to write.  Really.  Maybe today I will get 50 hits on this post.  I don’t really care.  I am not writing this post because I think it will be popular, I am writing it because it has floated around in my head for two nights while I couldn’t sleep and I figure if I get it OUT of my head, well, maybe it will leave me alone.

4. I am not the face of anything.  Really, I can’t be The Pampers Girl or The Gadget of the Day Girl.  I just don’t think I can devote myself the way a brand deserves.  Yup, by writing that on my blog, I pretty much just told all brands out there I am not for them.  I realize that.  But really, do you want me to plug juice or diapers to you?  Of COURSE I love to promote small businesses like Etsy and Big Cartel shops, but I just can’t be the FACE of a big brand.

5. I don’t swear much.  I know, I know…it’s not a prerequisite to drop “f bombs” to be big, but lots of the super successful bloggers do it.  And I read those blogs because they are funny.  I am not opposed to the swearing, I just don’t do it here because, well, my last name is up there in the title and I happen to be a teacher and an f-bomb dropping teacher doesn’t keep her job for long.  So, there’s that.

6.  If I could find a way to get paid to just write what I want, when I want, that would be cool, but that is not how it works.  And oh my gosh is it a LOT of work to get paid writing gigs.  At least for me it is.  And just don’t have that kind of time.   Does any full time working mom out there find the time to also write freelance AND still maintain a blog?  Because then I need your hints.  Or not.  Because I don’t want to over do myself.

7. I’m not very controversial.  Big Bloggers do their blogging as their JOB.  And they bring up controversy.  I like it too…that is why I read some of those Big Bloggers.  But that is not me.  In fact, I avoid writing about my birthing choices and my bottle/breast feeding choices, because I DON’T want Sluiter Nation to be a controversial place.  I don’t want to be judged in my own house for my choices.

8. I’m just not cut out for it.  Since BlogHer I have been realizing that I am not “in it” like a lot of my bloggy friends are.  I really loved meeting everyone at BlogHer, but I just wasn’t as in to all the sessions as I could have been (granted, I also didn’t get to many of them since I was all preggo and needed time outs), and meeting brands didn’t really  matter to me.  In fact when I got home I was a bit disgusted at all the “crap” I brought home in the name of swag.  I don’t need all these free things.  I am not even sure I will go to another BlogHer.

9. There are ridiculous politics and games that get played in the blogging world.  Some places won’t syndicate you if you are with a certain ad network.  Other places won’t hire you unless you know someone and have excellent butt kissing skills.  Seriously?  I have enough problems with the REAL politics of education funding in this state…and country…I don’t need to play games with my blog too.

So there it is.  I don’t care enough to play the game.  (but I am glad a lot of you do…because I like to read you).

I just want to write.

Or I am pregnant and being irrational and depressed and I will snap out of it in a few weeks or months.

It’s one of those.