I have been adding to this list for awhile now. It’s not that I don’t really love my life, but sometimes? Being a grown-up stinks. Bad.
- Paying bills
- Paying for insurance
- In general paying for things that are boring
- Not being able to respond to your child like you would if you were a child. Example: “Your FACE looks like a disgusting dinner.”
- facial hair
- body parts that just hurt because you’re getting older, not because you injured it doing some daring stunt like crowd surfing.
- Cleaning the bathroom that other people make gross. I’m looking at you, Charlie. AIM YOUR PEE.
- Doing other people’s laundry. Again, Charlie, I’m looking at you. WIPE YOUR BOOTY BETTER.
- Dusting.
- Wiping other people’s booties.
- Worrying about how long the grass is.
- Adult acne
- Being exhausted…by just being awake.
- Starting to sound like my parents. “I am not yelling; I am speaking sternly. You will know when I am yelling.”
- Realizing that behavior that you find incredibly annoying is exactly how you used to act when “you were that age.”
- Kidz Bop being part of my life.
- Paying over $100 every 6-8 weeks to cover grey hair and remove other hair.
- Cracking joints.
- Needing glasses.
- Understanding why Garfield hates Mondays.
- Slowed metabolism.
- Being in charge…all the dang time.
- the practice of herding cats…all day, every day.
- The lack of nap time.
- Being the bearer of bad news.
- Realizing everyone else is getting older too…
- people you love start dying.
- Having to explain hard stuff to innocent people.
- realizing that you have an unhealthy one-way relationship with coffee
- Having to let your kids win at games once in awhile.
- Watching the news.
- Being responsible.
- Being punctual.
- Picking up after other people.
- Making decisions.
- Caring about things that with letters and numbers as their names: 401K, 403b, LMNOP3 (ok that last one is not real, but whatever).
- Having to talk about budgets.
- Math.
- Spending all that money-you-don’t-have-but-wish-you-did-so-you-could-spend-on-fun-things on fixing a 30+ year old lawn mower’s steering.
- Knowing there is no quick fix, silver bullet, and maybe not even a happy ending.
- Saying the same thing over an over and feeling like you are talking to a wall. “Quit bothering your brother. Quit bothering your brother. QUIT BOTHERING YOUR BROTHER!”
- Having to follow through with consequences that leave you without fun.
- Seeing your childhood through “adult eyes.” That thing that was so big and amazing? It’s really just normal…and kind of run down.
- Being able to relate to Cathy and her reaction of “ACK!” to everything.
- mortgages.
- voting.
- Having to do social stuff when you don’t want to do social stuff, but it’s sort of required social stuff, so you do it anyway.
- bad beer.
- pregnancy scares…especially when you have been, um, fixed. And you’re of “advanced maternal age.”
- Getting AARP mailings…when you’re not even forty.
I realize not everyone has the same experience as I do. Some people never have kids and are still jumping out of airplanes at ninety years old. That is not the life I chose for myself. This list is not meant to be a big fat downer on my life, either. I really do love my husband and kids and life, but seriously. Sometimes things stink. So I made a list. What would you add? Let’s vent, shall we?