I’ve had my share of snarky comments here in Sluiter Nation.
Usually someone who disagrees is pretty good about being respectful, but every now and then I get people (trolls?) who are just mean.
My policy is to delete them if they are being vulgarly disrespectful, or to ignore them if they simply have a differing opinion and have been sort of rude about stating it.
I guess as a teacher I see my share of grumpy attitudes and bad days. I know there is usually a reason behind it and I have learned not to take things too personally.
This past week, though, I got a nasty comment that I couldn’t ignore:
I am fairly new to your blog. I’ve been reading and following you on Twitter for a couple weeks now but in that time I have noticed that your husband is kind of a saint. There seems to be a trend that you fall apart about anything and he is the one who is always taking care of your kid. You seem to lose your mind when, heaven forbid, you must deal with him. There are always tweets about Court doing this and that with Eddie and not many about you doing things with him. What exactly do you do? This past week there were tweets about you practically losing it with your kid and you just wanted your husband to “come and deal with him”? What in the world are you going to do with two kids?
At first Cort and I giggled about this comment. He wanted so badly to leave his own snarky reply, “FINALLY, someone sees what I go through!”
And oh my goodness did my readers come out with their honey badger teeth showing!
I did end up responding (you can go back to the post if you want to see the whole thread. I don’t want to use this space to requote all the comments).
One of my lovely readers pointed out to this commenter that I suffer from PPD/A. But the commenter seemed to know that already:
New doesn’t mean I don’t know much. Usually when I find a new blog I will go back and read to the beginning. Yes, I know about her anxiety. I’ve dealt with PPD and PPA, I’ve just never seen someone use it as a reason to push parenting off on their spouse. Its funny when you don’t leave positive comments you automatically don’t read the blog “at all” Quite opposite, I’ve read the blog and that’s why I said what I said.
This is when things worried me.
Not for me, but for any of my other readers who suffer from depression or anxiety.
Now, I can’t imagine anyone who has read my whole blog from start to finish (um, I’ve been doing this for five years) would honestly think I “push parenting” on Cortney. In fact, I am confident that is not how this blog reads at all.
And I am confident that is not how our life is. Because I live my life. But I don’t share it ALL here.
Cort and I are an excellent team. When he has suffered in the past, I was there to keep Sluiter Nation together and running. And he does the same for me. And we rejoice in our blessings together.
So this comment didn’t send me into a dizzying spell of “oh my God! How WILL I care for two children???”
Because I know how I will do it. With the help of my husband and family and friends.
What worries me is that this woman, who says she has “dealt with PPD and PPA” would come to my blog and ask “What in the world are you going to do with two kids?”
That she would question the fact that I have support. Am I supposed to be doing this all on my own? Hell no, I’m not.
I work full time, am 9 months pregnant, have had fierce antenatal depression with this pregnancy, and I have a two-year old.
Am I not allowed to “lose it” sometimes and want help?
Yes. I am allowed.
YOU are allowed too.
Do not ever EVER let anyone question your need to reach out.
Is Cort never supposed to parent? Is it all supposed to be me?
No. NO. It is not. We are a team.
Long before becoming parents when we went through his dad’s cancer diagnosis, treatment, and death I assured him we were a team. When I suffered through the miscarriages and couldn’t bring myself to get off the couch, he rubbed my back and bought me ibuprofen and giant pads and told me would get through it together.
Maybe this commenter doesn’t have the support system I have.
Maybe she is still suffering.
That is the only explanation I can think of for a comment to a fellow Warrior Mom like this.
I hope she gets the help and support she needs. We are all here. We have been through it (and are still going through it).
It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to not be able to do “it all”.
If anything, this comment (that I read after a weekend of severe anxiety) pulled me out and reminded me that this time? This time I am ready. PPD/A might show up again, but I have the support this time.
Speaking of mental illness, I have a poem published today on Every Day Poets called “Sticks and Stones.” I would love it if you would jump over and let me know what you think. It’s my first time being published anywhere for my creative writing.