It’s Not All Bad

Lately I have noticed that each time I write about my pregnancy, I have some complaining to do.  And it’s true, this time around all the yucky feelings that I had with Eddie (morning…er all day…sickness, back pain, reflux, etc.) have been magnified to the point where I need to treat almost all of them with medications this time.

This pregnancy has not really been all that bad, it’s just that sometimes, at the end of the day, the barfing and the exhaustion are what I am focused on.

And that is not fair.

Not to you, not to my family, and not to Charlie.

To even it out, today I am going to list some of the best things about this pregnancy.

It’s winter instead of summer.
Yup, this is definitely a positive.  Eddie was born June 23 on a day that was 100 degrees and humid.  My last month of work consisted of me trying to keep my hugely swollen feet wedged in flip flops while I waddled and sweated through my lesson plans (we don’t have air conditioning).

This time, with less than two months to go, I have almost no swelling except for a little bit in my hands.  Thank goodness for sub-freezing weather!  I would SO much rather be cold than hot while I am pregnant.

I am too busy to worry about things…much.
During my pregnancy with Eddie, I read all the books, scoured the internet, talked to all my friends who were already moms, and just did a LOT of thinking about the pregnancy and the baby.

This time, I haven’t cracked one book or gotten swept up in any internet searches.  Shoot, I haven’t even had time to worry about what the state of the nursery is.  I am just too busy.  It’s a combination of working until the end of the pregnancy this time (last time school was out at the end of May, so I had almost a month of just sitting home waiting) and having a two year old who demands my attention, thoughts, and worries.

Eddie is in love with Charlie.
Every evening, Eddie and I curl up in our chair to read books, but now that time also consists of discussing Charlie and which books Eddie wants to read to him and how Eddie wants to help him with his bottles and how Eddie is a “big bro-ver” and Charlie is “baby Char-ee”.

There is much tummy patting and peering into my belly button.

We talk of Eddie’s new big boy room (where “Gampa” is making the bed) and how Charlie will move in soon.

The newest announcement is that Char-ee will cry very “youd” and Eddie will go “bum bum bum” on the wall. (what? where does that kid come up with this stuff?)

I am sleeping better this time around.
Don’t get me wrong, I have weird dreams and I am exhausted all the time.  This time around, however, I find that I am smarter about going to bed early and taking Tylenol PM if my back hurts rather than just trying to sleep without help (which never worked).

Cort and I are now quite aware that sleep deprivation is a MAJOR trigger for my anxiety and depression, so we have both worked extra hard to make sure the recognize when I am hitting that point of needing to just stop and sleep.

Charlie is a mover.
Eddie moved a lot.  There was no reason to ever “count kicks” with Ed.

With Charlie?  There is even less of a need to count anything.  It’s like he is setting up uneven bars and training for this summer’s Olympics.

While the random foot to the lung or rib or spleen isn’t always comfortable, it’s really fun to SEE him moving in there and feel him reacting to Eddie’s voice and touch, and to the bass that I may or may not have cranked on my daily commute (hint: I play my music loud.  what?)

I’m not nervous about becoming a mom this time, but excited about having sons.
Eddie is going to be a big brother!  Charlie will be a little brother!  I will be the mom of BOYS!  This is going to be good times.

Cort isn’t as weirded out by a creature living and moving in my belly this time.
I remember the first time Cort felt Eddie kick.  I mean really kick.

I was pushing on Eddie’s foot and he would kick back, so I told Cort, “hey, feel that?  Push on it.” So he did.  And Eddie pushed back.  And Cort almost jumped across the room.

This time, he knows what to expect and he is always finding ways to touch my belly and rub it and say hi to Charlie.  In the night I will feel his hand go from holding mine to resting on my stomach hoping to feel a little kick from his boy.

Everything is fleeting.
Last time around, while I knew in my head that everything was a phase (I wasn’t going to be pregnant forEVER), I didn’t know what the next phase looked like.  I didn’t know how long each phase would be.  I couldn’t see any ends to things because I didn’t know what I was looking for.

This time, I am surprised when each phase ends and I enter a new one because I haven’t been searching for the end of anything.

Everything is moving much faster to me this time.  Just when I was getting used to being in my second trimester, it was over.  Just as I am getting used to being pregnant, I have a c-section date and an end in sight.

Isn’t it weird how two pregnancies can be so very much the same and completely different at the same time?

My biggest wonder this time around is not what motherhood will be like, but what will Charlie be like?  Will he be like his brother?  Probably not.  He will probably just be his own person…but what will that be like?

In exactly 8 weeks we will begin to find out.

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