all’s fair?

pink ruffles and lace

dolls and tea cups

hair bows and nail polish

Barbies and My Little Ponies

These things have been on my mind a lot lately.

No…we didn’t find out Charlie is a girl or anything.  I am still growing a bouncing baby boy as far as I know.

But I have been thinking about daughters.

I get asked over and over again whether I was a bit disappointed to find out we were having another boy.

And the answer I give every time is a completely honest, “not at all.”

In fact, the idea of Eddie getting a little brother made me so happy, I almost burst when I found out.  Cort did too.  He always wished his younger brother was closer to his age, and I always wondered what it would be like to have a same sex sibling.  We feel like we are giving Eddie a gift neither of us had growing up.

So why am I thinking about daughters?

I’m not sure, to be honest.

Someone the other day asked me if we were going to have a third to see if we could have a daughter.

I don’t know.

I know if we try for a third it won’t be because we are trying for a daughter, but for a baby. A completion to our family that we feel we need.

Right now I don’t know if we will feel like we need a third.

In fact, the thought that we might get a girl next time scares me.

Cort and I have both–separately–come to the conclusion that if for whatever reason, we never get pregnant again, we are totally ok with that.

Two boys.

The Sluiter Boys.

Eddie and Charlie.

But what if…

What if I am supposed to be the mom to a daughter?

Would she be like me when I was little and love pink and ruffles and Wonder Woman?

Would she be a “tom boy”?

I know that just like my boys, I don’t care if she falls in love with “gender roles” or not, but I do wonder if I would parent her differently.

I think of my own relationship with my mom.

I am her only daughter.

Lately I have noticed that there are definitely differences in the way she still parents me versus how she treats my brothers.

Is it because I am a girl or is it because I am me regardless of my gender?

Either way, I don’t always know if it’s good or not.

If it’s fair or not.

But I am 33.  Does it matter anymore?

I definitely still notice it.

Would I do the same thing?

Will I do it anyway with my boys?

Does it matter whether I ever have a girl or not?

How do you maintain a sense of “fair” when you parent more than one child?  Do you think gender comes into play or is it all about personality?  Do you feel you are always “fair”?