no idea

Today is Monday, December 12.

The first day of my maternity leave will be Monday, March 12.

Three months.

This thing is getting real, you guys.

I have gone from “we’re having a baby in March” to “Charlie will be here in three months.”

I don’t know what it was this weekend that slapped reality in my face.  Maybe it was the joy of welcoming my seven-month old nephews to the family.  Maybe it was watching videos with Eddie from when he was a baby. Maybe it was comparing Eddie’s photo with Santa from last year to the one we just took this year.

Whatever it was, the real-ness of Charlie started swirling in my head last night before bed.

A pile of conflicting emotions took over my heart.

Excitement. Joy. Grief. Anxiety.

Eddie’s time as my one and only is limited.

This is both exciting and depressing to me at the same time.

Yesterday Eddie and I were listening to music in his room and he was showing off his dance moves.  He kept choosing stuffed animals to dance with him.  Then he asked me if “Baby Cha-wee yikes to dance.”  I told him yes, and asked if he would teach him his moves someday.  He very excitedly said, “YEAH!”

Eddie is going to be a great big brother.

But I know I will miss him being my one and only.

And he will miss being the one and only.

He knows what babies are all about.  There are two at daycare.

He tells me how they sleep and cry and eat bottles.

He knows.

But he has no idea.

We know what babies are all about.  We had one, remember?

But we have no idea.

Charlie will be here in three months.

A brotherly bond will form from hugs and snuggles and jealously and competition and having each other backs.

A family bond will form through trips and trials and joys and hugs and dinners and arguments and time outs.

We know Charlie will be here in three months.

But we have no idea.