YOUR BEARD IS WEIRD!

And now from the Random Eddie File…

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While we are driving in the car…

Eddie: Mom. Look at that car!

Me: Which one?

Eddie:  That one.  That yellow one.  That yellow car is FANCY!

(although it would sound more like: Dat one.  Dat way-yo one. Dat way-yo caw is FANCEE!)

*************

Not long ago, Cort and I introduced Eddie to the “Guess what? Chicken butt.” joke.  What he doesn’t understand is that the joke is in the rhyme.

Eddie: Guess what!

Me: What?

Eddie: Chicken butt!

Me: Ha!  Guess what!

Eddie: What?

Me: Chicken hut!

Eddie:  Ha ha!  Guess what!

Me: What?

Eddie: Chicken nose!

Me: Um, Ha?  Guess what!

Eddie: What!

Me: Chicken cut!

Eddie: He he he he!  Guess what!

Me: What!

Eddie: <pause while he smiles, then the sound of a squeak toy being stepped on> CHICKEN TOOT!

Me: GROSS!!!  P U!!!!

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While Eddie is eating his lunch…

Me: Hey, Ed…

Eddie: What, Mom.  What?

Me: I love you!

Eddie: <points, attempts a wink, and makes a click sound with his mouth>

Me: O_O

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It is somewhere around 6:30 in the morning.  I am sleeping and Cort is in the shower getting ready for work.  Suddenly, a wiggly body is in bed with me trying to get comfy on Cort’s side.

Me: Eddie?  Is that you?

Eddie: Yeah. I am sleeping here now.

Me:  Ok.  Why?

Eddie: Because of that noise.

Me: There is a noise?  Downstairs?  By your room?

Eddie:  That noise, mom.  Listen.  Sounds like “shhhhhhh”.

Me:  The shower?  Daddy in the shower?

Eddie:  Yeah.  All that racket in the shower.

Me: Um, ok. Are you going back to sleep?

Eddie: (as he covers himself completely with the comforter) Yes. Don’t talk a me.

*************

As he runs past the bathroom door over and over and over as I get ready…

Eddie: YOUR MUSTACHE IS MUSTACHE!!!

Eddie: YOUR BEARD IS WEIRD!!!

Eddie: YOUR MUSTACHE IS MUSTACHE!!!!

Eddie: YOUR BEARD IS WEIRD!!!!

(repeat, ad nauseum)

(He got this off a men’s hair color commercial.  The actual phrases are “Your beard is weird” and “your ‘stache is trash”).

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As he collapses after 15 straight minutes of running up and down the hall yelling phrases from a men’s hair color commercial…

Eddie: Mom? I don’t have much energy.

Me: You’re all worn out?

Eddie: No, I just don’t have any energy. <takes a sip of milk> NOW I DO!!!!

(takes off again)

*************

As we curl up together in my chair before bedtime.

Eddie: (leans in very close) Mom? I wanna tell you an escret.

Me:  A what?

Eddie: no a EE-SCRET!

Me: A secret?

Eddie: Yup. I wanna tell you one.

Me: Ok, do it.

Eddie:  (all whispery and close to my ear) I yuv you, mommy.

Me: Oh Eddie.  I have an escret for you too.

Eddie: What?

Me: (in his ear) I love you too.  Forever and ever.

Eddie: that’s a YONG time, mom!  Ha ha ha ha!

Me:  It sure is, bud.

“I like your dance tricks. Yook at my dance tricks.”

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