Syndicate? No, SEND-A-KATE!

Let me start this by saying I am not asking for your money.  Cool?  No money is being asked for here. Ok?  Ahem.  Anyway….

my BlogHer jar

 

 

It’s official.

Cortney bought me a ticket to BlogHer in San Diego at the beginning of August.

And that is as far as the Sluiters can go with funding this huge endeavor.  That is why every post I have syndicated on BlogHer (three so far!  Dang!) and every sponsored post you see on this blog?  Is money going toward my trip.

Even though I believe in my writing ability?  I know it’s probably not possible for me to save up the close to $1000 I will need to make this trip happen in that small of increments.

So I have applied for some help.

One that is for a sponsorship through a company is announcing this weekend.  With over 200 applicants, it’s sort of a long shot, so we will see.

The other is for a grant through Mom Central–a $2000 grant to be exact.  My application was accepted and right now, on faceboook contest apps, they are holding public voting.  Voting is open until April 15 and people can vote once every 24 hours.

To vote for me, click here and then click the big, green VOTE button.  It’s that easy.  Every 24 hours.

Clearly if I win this grant, I will get more money than I need to go to BlogHer.  With whatever is left, I plan to take a writing course and put the rest into The Red Dress Club. I believe that ever since I began linking up with their prompts, I have been producing better writing, and since becoming one of the hostesses?  A whole new world has opened to me.  I credit those ladies with pushing me to be the best writer I can.

I really need to get to BlogHer.  I want to be a better blogger.

Oh, and Nichole, Natalie, and Tonya will be mad if I drop out of our roomie pact.

So please?  Vote for me every 24 hours!

And if you love Thirty-One and all their SUPER cute stuff?  You can go shop now!  I am having an online party!  Click here and go over to “my events” on the right and choose to “shop” at Katie Sluiter’s party!  I would really, REALLY love if you did.

It’s What is Not Said

“Though he probably says about 50 to 70 words now, your child may understand as many as 200 words, many of which are nouns. Between 18 and 20 months, he’ll learn words at the rate of 10 or more a day.” (Babycenter.com)

He dances and runs and jumps.

He holds a pencil correctly and inquires about letters on everything.

He will bring us book after book after book–especially My Truck is Stuck and Where is the Green Sheep?

He has recently discovered lying on his tummy in the bathtub in order to “swim”.

He runs at me with his full speed to hug me.

He blows sweet kisses and waves to me at bedtime.

He wants me when he has an owie or is super sleepy or has a nightmare.

His first word was “octagon” while playing with a talking puzzle.

Now he says “up” and “moo” and “aw bye” and “bawl”.

Other words are just one syllable or sound of the whole: “bon” for (banana), “juuuu” (juice), and “onnn” (one)

And every single night, he asks, “da ee”?  (daddy)

He is an amazing, loving, sweet, vivacious….20 month old.

My 20 month old.

The boy who turned me into a mother, but has never uttered a word to prove that.

Yes, his actions show his love for me.  I do not doubt his love.

This isn’t about his love.

I know he will say it.  I know.  I know he will say it to the point that I am sick of it.  I have been told that over and over.

But I still long for it. I fixate on it.  I beg him to say it.

Not just because I want to hear, “mommy,” but because he is 20 months old.

I have already heard what you so many people have to say:

“He is a boy; he is naturally slower.”

“My nephew/my friend’s son/all my kids/husband/I/aunt’s cousin’s nephew’s daughter didn’t talk until they were well over two.”

“As longs as he is interactive…”

“just keep talking to him; he’ll come around…”

“DON’T WORRY.”

I know that it’s technically not that out of the ordinary, and it’s not something to be truly concerned about.  I know this.

But as he babbles and “talks” and says words, I can’t help but think about how he doesn’t have close to 50 words, like babycenter.com says he should have…and I am mostly ok with that because his babble says he is on his way.

What I hate?  Is that he says “octagon” and not “momma”.

I have struggled for everything with this little boy.

It was a challenge (and many MANY blood draws and pills taken) to keep him in my tummy.

It was a painful battle to like him when he was my tiny miracle through all the crying–both his and mine.

I had to claw my way out of a deep, ugly hole to enjoy the little things like the way he turns into me when he is sleepy.

We are so similar in temperaments that when there is frustration between us?  It is a challenge to not kill each other.

And yet?

There is no word in his vocabulary for me.

Does he have one in his head?

Does a small voice in his brain shout it into the echoes of his heart when he sees me or scream it desperately in his soul when he is afraid?

What does that word sound like on his lips?  In my ear?

I am a mother.  HIS mother.

But no one in this world calls me that.

Vote for me!  Click to vote every day to help Sluiter Nation to the next level with a grant!
Oh also?  I am having an online Thirty-One Party.  Click to shop!

Top Ten Tuesday: Guilty Pleasures

Again you can blame the crowd over on twitter for this week’s Top Ten Topic…although this one was on my idea list.  I just wasn’t sure I wanted to spill all my guilty pleasures for all the world to know.

But it is time.  Time for me to come clean about my addictions entertainment.

10. Diet Coke – this one is a huge one.  I had my first swig of the lovely nectar in 8th grade.  My math teacher LOVED the stuff and collected cans in her room.  In pyramids.  I wanted to know what was so great about it.  I was never really able to drink sugary sodas, so this was perfect.

I have been hooked ever since.  My only hiatus was during my pregnancy with Eddie.  I tried to do caffeine free, but it tasted weird and I had the worst reflux known to man.

I have been told to cut out soda to help weight loss.  and I have cut way back, but I just can’t give up the good stuff completely.

9. The Red Carpet – almost any red carpet will do.  Award season is my favorite sport season.  And don’t say it’s not a sport.  It’s totally brutal

8. Fashion Police – Not the show that is now on weekly (although I do not mind that either in fact “bitch stole my look” is my favorite segment on that show), but the actual fashion police after the awards.  For instance tonight?  It will be the Oscars Fashion Police.  You know I will not be missing this.

7. Popcorn – and not healthy, low fat, nothing added popcorn.  No, my favorite?  Movie theater popcorn with TONS of extra butter.  I read somewhere that in a large tub?  You get all the calories you need for one day.  I would so sacrifice the rest of my day’s calories just to sit and mow down on a huge tub of greasy goodness.

6. America’s Next Top Model – admittedly I hate almost all reality shows.  But this one?  I love.  I haven’t watched it that much (I missed the end of the last cycle and I have the first episode of this season on Tivo that I haven’t watched yet), but if there is a marathon on a Sunday?  My day is DONE.

5. Mc Donalds – who am I kidding…it’s really the filet-o-fish from Micky D’s.  And now that it’s the magical season of lent?  You KNOW I get my nom on with the double filet.  My head knows it’s disgusting, my my heart?  Oh my heart is so in love.

4. Facebook – this one IS really guilty because I HATE that I am so addicted to it.  I don’t post all over it like I used to–I use it mainly to keep in touch with people and for my fan pages, but I do enjoy creeping looking at everyone’s pictures and reading their profiles.  It is a bit silly how easy it is to know what people are up to…and also completely addictive.

3. online shopping – specifically etsy.  Oh Mah Lawd how I can get stuck on etsy…for HOURS!  Mostly just browsing, but not always.  Let’s just say my email inbox?  Always has one or two receipts hanging out waiting for shipping info.

2. Peanut Butter M&Ms – Oh how I love you.  And oh how I love that my husband does not buy them every week with groceries or I would be about 72345098 pounds.

1. Twitter – It’s like I can’t be away from it!  I have tweetdeck open on my laptop ALWAYS, I have it on my phone, and I check in at work on the web.  I completely get sucked into EVERY conversation.  It’s probably the same reason I was always up until all hours chatting in real life back in college.  Now I am all over it online.  Sometimes?  It’s a problem. (by the way?  I am @ksluiter if you want to feed my addiction tweet with me).

And now you all know my dirty little secrets…you know why I can’t let the weight go and why when it seems like I am ALWAYS around on twitter?  It’s because I am.

Now it’s your turn to spill.  What are YOUR guilty pleasures?

psst…if you are on facebook and you are feeling generous with your clicking finger?  Please click here and vote for Sluiter Nation.  This grant could help fund my trip to BlogHer!!  You can vote once a day!

Secret Mommyhood Confession

I judge.

That’s right.  I’m a judgey judgerson.

Don’t be all nervous.  I am not judging you.  right now.  Chances are I did though.  When I first met you or read your blog or emailed with you or read a comment you left.

Some people call it “first impressions”.  That is just a nice way of saying “judged”.

I think we all do it, am I wrong?

I mean, I fairly certain my brain is hardwired to make a judgment the first time I “meet” someone.   Isn’t everyone’s?

We all know how I judged every person in the Olive Garden a couple weeks ago.  And as many of you said in the comments, it’s all about making first impressions.

I started thinking about that, and I realized that I judge everyone and everything…at least once.  And I have been beating myself up over it.

For example, this morning I went to Shoe Carnival to get myself some cute black shoes to go with the outfit I want to wear tonight to Cort’s cousin’s wedding.   I judged everyone in there on what they were wearing.

I immediately put it out of my head (because I am not a total jerk), but for a split second, my mind took in what they had on, what kind of shoe they were looking at, and even how their kids were acting.

Admittedly, the woman with the tatrumy toddler?  I gave her the “oh honey…you are so brave” look.  But my FIRST thought?  “Ugg…screaming kid” because I had just left one of those at home.

And I know people were judging me too.

I have a zit colony the size of DC on my jowl chin and I hadn’t done my hair except for a messy bun.  I was wearing an old hoodie (in an attempt to be bulky enough in the collar to cover up my zit colony) and blow out boots (yes, I bought new boots).

If I saw me?  My first thought probably would have been, “it’s Saturday, not Slopperday” and then I would have immediately dismissed it.

But I left the house that way anyway.  Because hopefully, people are like me, they  judge and dismiss…unless given a reason not to.

I know people who are all like, “I totally withhold ALL judgment until I get to know a person,” and I have to call BS on that.  How can you not make SOME sort of immediate judgment when you first encounter someone either in person or in the blog world?

We size up what someone is wearing.

We hear the way they talk…the words they choose.

We see people’s writing.

We know what they choose to share.

I think because I know I do this, I am assuming everyone else does too.  That is probably why it is a very rare thing for me to be caught shopping in my pajamas.  Yoga pants and sweat shirt, sure, but not my jammies and slippers.

I am also conscious of it on my blog.

Sure I write for me.  But to say I ONLY write for me is a total lie.  I write for you too.  I like you. I like what you have to say.  So I think about YOU when I write.

And I always think, “what if this is the first post a new reader sees?”

Because I know blogging is a fickle place.  If I visit a blog for the first time and I am overwhelmed with ads or widgets in the side bars or music is blasted at me or if the content is hard to read or if the content is boring…I am probably not coming back.

And I know you are that way too.

I judge.

And you do too.

It’s how we know we like someone or don’t.

It’s how we decide to follow a blog or not.

It’s the reason first impressions are important.  Because I the world is judging.

Now pardon me…I have a zit colony to expunge.

Revised to Say….

I don’t mean to sound like all judging results in negative decisions.  We judge things based on what we see/read/hear, but then we make decisions based on those judgments.  Not everyone that I “judge” is deemed a bad person/mom.  Most of the time it’s just the opposite.  In fact, unless you prove you’re not wonderful, I judge that you probably are!

Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

This bothers a bunch of my family and friends but…

I don’t do the telephone.

I hate it.

Talking on the phone for non-business reasons gives me hives.

Ok, to be honest, I am not a fan of making business-type calls either.  But when I can have a script in my head of what is going to be said by me and then by the person on the other end?  I am better than just a friendly call.

Most people think I am just being silly when I tell them to text or email me, and they call me anyway.  And they go to voicemail.  And they get a text back.

I am serious, people.

I don’t do the phone.

Yes, I will return parent phone calls at work and occasionally make calls to parents when it’s necessary.  But I prefer email or face to face.

The only person…and I mean ONLY person…I do not feel weird with on the phone is my mom.  I call her ALL THE TIME.  Probably because she is my mom.  I don’t need a script with her.

But even with Cort…I prefer an email if I am at work or a text if I am elsewhere.

It doesn’t help that I HATE to be on the phone outside of my house even more than I hate being on the phone inside my house.

I don’t hear people well on the phone…that could be another one of my issues.  And because it’s the phone I can’t figure out what they are saying by gestures of facial expressions.

Yes, I have had my hearing checked, and even after the years of loud concerts it is perfect.

So I don’t know.

I don’t even like to call for pizza or Chinese food.

It is that bad, people.

Cort tries to MAKE me call sometimes, but it’s of no use.  I will change my mind about dinner just so I don’t have to call for it.

(On a side note:  God bless online ordering.)

I am just better in writing.

Writing gives me time to think…to pick just the right words.

I like to think I am great at communicating in writing.

On the phone (and even sometimes in person)?   Not so much.

I am awkward.

So now there are people out there who are begging me to get on skype.

What are you trying to do to me, people?

Secret Mommyhood Confessions

This week has been a roller coaster for me as evidenced by my up and down posts this week.  In the middle of said coaster, I was directed by The Empress to go read a post by Melanie on Bronx to Boulder. And when the Empress tells all the world to do something?  You do it.

I totally related to Melanie’s post about blogging being a bit like high school–not knowing who your “circle” of friends is.

And then, the lovely Gigi posted about questioning your blogging.  Amazing.  Again it was EXACTLY what I had been going through lately.

Because friends?

My name is Katie, and I have low blog esteem.

It’s true.  I have been fighting it like crazy and telling myself I don’t care about numbers or comments…I am here to WRITE!

Yeah, right.

I’ll just admit right now that I love it when people read my words.  Love it.  Getting comments is like a little high..once you’ve had that high, you want it over and over.

I have been blogging for almost four years.  Just my family and friends read for the first three years.  If I got a comment, I about had a heart attack.  Oh there were some faithful friends (Missy, Trisha) who would leave me a little love here and there, but I mostly wrote just because I wanted to.

And then you all found me (I won’t lie, twitter helped with this. So if you are all new to blogging?  GET ON TWITTER!).

Since that day I have been struggling with my confidence as a blogger.

You see, I have read the “big blogs,” I have swapped stories and comments and twitter love with some bloggers who–in my eyes–are wildly successful.

I have found myself thinking that I am “friends” with a group of people only to notice that they have jokes I know nothing about.  Or they are all DM-ing each other on twitter, while my direct message column sits empty.

I have had posts I write explode with comments only to have a week go by where you would think my blog fell off the interwebs.

I have (foolishly) stared at my analytics to see if I am getting more readers.

And I have compared my writing to some of the best (again, foolishly).

Up until recently, I thought everyone in the blog world was lovely and friendly and just great.  People?  This is not the case.

I have learned of backstabbing and using and lying and stealing and gossiping and hurt.

I liked it better when I was naive and didn’t know there were “mean girls” in the blog world.

I never went into blogging thinking I could make a name for myself or get a book deal.  I just like to write.

More often than not, I have to remind myself of that.

Because I have become addicted.  Addicted to the comments.  To the community.  To the hope of finding real friendships.

And this addiction has left me uncertain.

Am I good enough to hang with the great writers?

Do I deserve the recognitions that people do give me?

Will those readers be back tomorrow?

Should I be doing more?

But in the end?  It really doesn’t matter.  I do love to push myself to be better for you, but really I am here for me.

And the only person I am really competing with here is myself.

McFatty…er McHottie Pants…Monday

Last week a few of you expressed concern that by calling myself a McFatty, I was being too down on myself.  I will have to direct you to the lovely Heir to Blair for the name of this lovely meme.  It is her creation.  I don’t really think of it as CALLINNG myself a McFatty necessarily, but talking about McFatty-ish issues.

That being said, I have lost another pound!  Woot!  I am now at 195 which is ELEVEN pounds down from the beginning of the year when I was 206 (ouch, holiday food.  just ouch).  That means I have lost 5.34% of my body weight.  Yay!

I have to say I am a bit surprised.

This week we had two snow days, which for me equals sitting around eating cheese balls all day.  We also had Taco Bell one night (yes, I know…not real meat.  I can’t help it, it’s yummy fake meat).

And the biggest cause of bloat?  It’s Lady Week here in Sluiter Nation.

But I still managed to be down a pound.

Besides the cheese balls and taco bell, I have been drinking WAY more water and been WAY better about my portion size.  So even though there was junk in the week, it was controlled junk.  Which is a step, right?  RIGHT?

I’ve also done a couple sit-ups this week.  Just a couple.  To remind myself how much I hate sit-ups.  I don’t think those helped the weight-loss…they just reminded me of how out of shape I am.

I am getting excited about exercise though!  I talked with my aunt this weekend about a gym Cort and I have been talking about joining.  It’s only $30 for one person and then $15 more for an extra member of the family.  So for $45 a month BOTH of us would have access to some great, clean equipment and a pool and classes (for just a bit extra) at a location that is only about an 8 minute drive away.

This is now on my wish list for this spring…a gym membership!

So there you go.  This week I will continue to try to make good choices with my portion control and my meal-planning, and continue my quest to be the McHottie that I know I am!

Wish me luck!

**Tomorrow’s Top Ten Tuesday will be the Top Ten Things I Could Do Without.  Join in!

Secret Mommyhood Confession Saturday

Before I tell you my confession this week, I have to first state that I know I am extremely blessed.

Not only is my husband a budgeting ninja (yeah, eat it, Dave Ramsey….you WISH you could be as sexy with your budgeting prowess as Cort is), but I am blessed with opportunities that allow me to bring in some extra money for my family so we can still have some fun.  I really, REALLY am thankful for what I have.  So this is not a complaint.  It’s a confession.

That being said?

I am the jealous type.

Not when it comes to my husband. No way.

I realize Cort is a super cutie pie who is easy to flirt with.  Shoot, he’s been woo-ing the ladies since I met him at the ripe age of 6.  Yes, moms and grandmas LOVE Cort.

No, I am jealous of what you have.

It’s true.

That contest you won where you got a Gussy/The Vintage Pearl/super awesome great etsy shop credit?

Or that sweet vacation you just tweeted about?

How about that sweet cute thing that someone sent you because your kid is so darn cute?

Jealous. Jealous. Jealous.

I am jealous of your body, your clothes, your accesories.

I envy your writing talent, your blog numbers, your sponsors, your craftiness.

I die when I hear about your sweet new TV, your ipad, your trip to that warm place that serves drinks with umbrellas, or your massage.

Your toddler who calls you momma?  I want that.

Your husband who buys you flowers and jewelry?  I wish mine did that sometimes.

Your time to exercise?  I wish.

I want three bathrooms instead of one dinky one.

I want a second floor with a cute banister and a fireplace.

I want your sweet new car (even if it IS a minivan ::shudder::) just so I am not driving something that cramps my child’s legs.

I want your carefree attitude.

I want your stay at home-ness (but when I am home?  I want your workingness).

I want your king-sized bed.

Yes, I even want you sweet tats and edgy haircut.

sigh…

Ok, I don’t really WANT all these things.  At least not all the time.

I am just jealous.

I KNOW good things happen to us, but I feel like those good things are mostly happening to other people.

But I know that is the murky perception that is my depression.  It distorts things and makes me feel like only crap falls on us.  Which simply isn’t true.

However, I thought it fair to tell you now that when something awesome happens to you?  Yes, I am SUPER jealous…but I am also over-the-moon excited for you.

And jealous.

But mostly happy for you.

Mostly.

Secret Mommy-hood Confessions Saturday

I really like that Kim does Secret Mommy-hood Confessions Saturdays.  I helps me vent out things that have been weighing on me all week.

So here is today’s:

I’m tired.

I know that is not a juicy one.  In fact, now you’re bored and will probably just move on, and that’s ok.

But I’m going to plunge ahead anyway, Ok?

This week totally exhausted me.  So much so that after getting out of bed this morning at 10:00 (thank you, Cort!), I played with Eddie for an hour and then passed out on the couch for THREE HOURS.

This week was hard on me even though it really wasn’t a bad week.  Ever have one of those?

I am tired of picking up after teenagers.

I am tired of students leaving things behind and then freaking out WEEKS later.

I am tired of having to say, “get back to work,” “let’s focus,” “talk while you work…WHILE you work,” among other things.

I am tired of giving a thousand chances to maybe get a D- instead of an F.

I”m tired of having to hound 18 year olds about graduation requirements.

I”m tired of doing more for less.

I also learned some exhausting lessons this week.

students never hear you the first time (this should not be knew, but in light of the week, it was frustrating).

adults can act every bit as immature as a 14 year old can.

adults can back stab you if they think it will get them in good with someone.

not many people can keep a secret.

massive week-long blog events that include a gazillion giveaways are incredibly rewarding…and exhausting.

I need to toot my own horn when I want to be recognized for something I am proud of.  Maybe others will pick up their horns for me too, but maybe not.  So I have to play LOUD–for myself.

It’s exhausting to be proud of yourself.  Many positive things happened to me this week–mostly in the blogging world–and keeping up with them left my head spinning.

But I will end this tired ramble with the things I am proud of, that I hope you will take the time to check out.

The first is huge.  HUGE.  I have a new button on my blog.  It looks like this:
I was syndicated on BlogHer.com

That’s right!  I am on BlogHer with my post My Mother’s Hands.  Because of tons of encouragement from this lady, this lady, and of course this lady, AND with Cort rooting me on, I shoved all my fear of rejection down and submitted five of my babies posts to BlogHer.

Knowing the talent that they usually pick up, I really wasn’t expecting to hear back (I know, I know…lame of me), but when that email landed in my inbox?  I FREAKED OUT!

Cort was gone to class and I just scooped Eddie up and danced and cried with him.  He thought his momma had finally lost it.

So anyway, please go read my post over there…and leave me some love and sparkles if you like it.

I have also been adding this little guy to a couple of my posts lately:

 MommyofaMonster This post was featured!

That’s right, the sweet and talented Natalie has taken notice of me lately (which makes me blush), and has featured me two weeks in a ROW on her Monster Likes weekend round up of her fave posts.  This week my writing tips made the cut.  Go check out who else she likes this week (always good reads, by the way).

Third, in case you hadn’t heard, I am now on the team at The Red Dress Club

I am all sorts of honored and still blown away that Nichole and Cheryl–two writers I hugely look up to–would even consider me to be part of their team, let alone ask me!  To me, this is exactly the thing that has been missing from my writing life.  It pushes me to read more, contact other writers, and think outside of my own writing box.  I love it.

Speaking of The Red Dress Club, some of you may or may not know that I have this blog:

this is where I do my creative writing.  Right now there is a piece of fiction I just posted–and I almost never write fiction–that I feel pretty good about.  I’d love for you to give it a read and tell me what you think.  It’s called White Agony.

Since I am listing things I am proud of here, I also still have Katie’s Bookcase:

I haven’t posted here in a while since I am in the middle of reading books…as are many of my contributors.  If you have read a book that you would like to submit a review for, contact me, and we will set something up!

Lastly, if you haven’t entered all of mine and Miranda’s giveaways?   You can find a list of all the links here.

More than one person asked me this week asked how I do it all.  Even my therapist wanted to know.

And I just shake my head.

I don’t know.  I really don’t.  I all I can say is, if you really, REALLY love something, you will do it.  If something brings joy to you in spite of the challenges it causes, you will do it.

Or at least I will.

But?  It will still tire me out.


Secret Mommyhood Friendship Confession

This week’s confession is something I have been thinking about A LOT this week, which means poor Cortney has had to listen to it a LOT this week.

I don’t understand, therefore I am not good at, female friendships.

At least not the ones that require me to be involved in them on a daily basis.

That sounds bad.

Here is my deal:  I suck at being a way involved friend in REAL life.

My best friend lives in Chicago.  Since high school, we have never lived close enough to hang out regularly.  We send each other random, funny cards.  We text each other.  We email.  We facebook.  We tweet.  But we don’t see each other a ton.

And our friendship is awesome.  It was awesome in high school too, but it’s still like that.

I really do care and love ALL my friends a TON.  But my level of involvement as far as planning things and hanging out?  Totally sucks.  I’m not good at it.

Also?  I don’t like to “mix” my friend groups.  I like my high school friends separate from my college friends separate from my work friends, etc.  Yes, that is all OCD of me, but when they mix, dynamics change and I get anxiety.

Plus?  I tend to be honest.  I assume when you ask me my thoughts on someone, you want the real answer.  I don’t try to be cruel, but if you ask me about something bothersome, I’ll tell you.

I mean, I assume no one has PERFECT friends, right?  We all have something that bugs us about each of our friends, right?  There are the friends who suck at returning emails.  There are those who seem to be “one-uppers” and always have something worse happening than you do.  There are those who seem to lack any sort of common sense.

But we still love them because they are our friends.

(by the way, I am sure one of the main irks my friends find with me is that I am never available except online, but that is a guess).

Let me give you an example.  Cort and I have a male friend who is pretty cheap.  He likes to hold onto his money.  He knows this; we can say it and he doesn’t get mad.  BUT if I had a female friend who was cheap?  And she found out I thought she was cheap?  She would get mad.  Even though SHE IS CHEAP. But the thing is?  I would love her despite her cheapness.

sigh…

Anyway, what I am trying to say is, I love my friends fiercely…really.  But sometimes, I am afraid they get all mad and drama-ish because of something I say or plans I can’t make.  And I don’t get that.

Cortney and his friend Mat have often referred to me as Elaine from Seinfeld.  There is an episode where she is crabbing about not having many female friends–that she just doesn’t “get” them.  They respond that she is a “man’s woman”–that she just does better being friends with men because there aren’t any hidden codes or drama.

Yes.  This is me.

But I do treasure the female friends I have.  They are so much more supportive–verbally–than guys are.  They can sense my hurt and they know what to say.  They feel my joys and say more than, “cool”.

But I just suck at understanding those women and what they want from me.

I like to laugh.  I like to talk about serious stuff.  I like to know I can trust someone.

I don’t like to try to figure out what “someone means by that”.  I am not good with passive aggressive statements and code.

So many women talk about others behind their backs like they don’t want the subject to know…why?  When I say something about someone, it’s something I would tell them to their face if they asked.

But who asks, “what do I do that is annoying to you?”  because we don’t want to know!

I don’t want to hear that I suck as someone who will show up to planned events.  I know this.  I would hope my friends know this about me and love me anyway.

I guess what this whole ramble is about is that I just don’t get it. I grew up with brothers.  If they thought I was being a turd?  They told me.  And I told them if they were being lame. I am this way with everyone in my life.

If you are ever mad at me?  You should probably just tell me…because I have no clue. If I sense crabby or passive-aggressive anger from you?  I will just let it be because I don’t have the time or energy to “figure out” what I did to you.  JUST TELL ME.

And I hope you love me anyway…even for my faults.  Because I love you despite your faults.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...