Spring Break Day 4 & Charlie’s Tummy

I was not wrong about them getting up early.  Lord help me, they were up by about 6:15am. The good thing is that Cortney was up and getting ready for work so I heard nothing until he left. Then all the things were VERY IMPORTANT and required my immediate intervention and attention.

I believe I was waving the white flag and crying by 9:30am.

Did I mention I am not good at the stay-at-home mom gig?

There was no pee anywhere but in toilets today and no vomit, so there is a bright side, I suppose.

The boys were…”brotherly” today. They would find something to do and do it nicely for about ten minutes. Then there would be shouting followed by things being thrown, maybe a punch or kick or something. Then the tattling. Then the separation and refereeing while trying to contain the situation.  Then the lull. Then they find each other and something to do and it all repeats. About 30 times in one hour.

Alice is usually my little bright spot, but she was a whiney, clingy mess today. Girlfriend sat outside the bathroom door and had an all out cry-fest while I peed today.

Parenting these kids can be challenging. I know I’ve said as much about Charlie in particular. And lately we have been a little concerned about our little Bird.

Today I took him to the doctor.

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You see, our little guy has all but quit eating.

I know, I know. He’s four. Picky eating is a phase.

And that is what we said too…two months ago.

But our little guy has also been acting out even more–to the point where we are a little nervous he might hurt one of us in his fits by throwing something or hitting his brother. He’s even bitten Eddie pretty hard.

Cortney and I constantly talk about wanting to be aware of signs that something is wrong with our kids without jumping to the doctor over “normal” things and being helicopter parents. Doing the right thing constantly feels like a little dance on a very thin line.

So we gave it some time.

After all, Cortney had been a very rage-filled kid himself and went through a phase where all he would eat was hot dogs. He’s fine.

But after more than a month of Charlie’s eating going from only cheese sandwiches to practically nothing but chocolate milk, we felt we needed to reach out to the doctor. Our doc is our family doctor. We all go to him because we really like his no-nonsense attitude and that he doesn’t just push tests and meds at us in lieu of really listening. So when he said he would like to see Charlie ASAP and not wait the eight weeks until his well-child, we made the appointment.

Our suspicions were confirmed when he stepped on the scale. He weighs 37 pounds. Only a pound more than last year, but he’s grown an inch and a half. He is still within the standard deviation on his growth chart, but coupled with some of his behavioral things, our doc was glad we came in.

Also like his father, Charlie is not a big talker about his feelings. If something hurts, he is likely not to tell us unless it’s bleeding or dangling off his body. So there is a very real chance his tummy could be bothered and he won’t tell us.

As a baby, he had reflux (and never cried about it because he’s iron man, apparently), so the least invasive thing to try is some reflux meds. There is also the chance he would have an allergy or intolerance, but without any rashes or respiratory stuff, that is also hard to tell without him complaining. To find that out would be more invasive and uncomfortable.

There are also some chances that he has some emotional stuff that is causing him to not want to eat and to act out. If that is the case, he may need to do some therapy, but it was suggested that we find out as much about how Cortney acted and what his mom and dad did as we can.

And it’s possible it’s all just normal four-year-old with a strong personality middle child stuff.

That is the one I am hoping for.

Charlie was a brave, good little dude for the doctor, so we stopped for a cake pop on the way home and he insisted on getting one for his big brother too.

He was very cuddly and lovey with me for the rest of the day. I know he knows I am worried and he is doing his best to show me he loves me.

It’s hard to be four. It’s hard to be in the middle. It’s hard to have big feelings.

Today was a challenge.

Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow is new.

 

The Willful Child

IMG_6655Last week, my eighth graders had the word “willful” on their vocabulary list. When we first go through the list as a class, students create circle maps to help them define each word. In those maps they put synonyms and examples that help them each remember what the vocabulary word means using a personal connection. If I had been making my own map for the word “willful”, I would have written Charlie’s name in it.

Charlie could not be more different than Eddie was at this age. I feel like I say that all the time, but it surprises me every single day.  Eddie has his issues, but by and large he is a rule-follower, a people-pleaser. He is honest to a fault–the boy will even tell me he was thinking of something bad. And he stinks at lying. His disobedience is either being mad about having to do something he doesn’t want to do or getting to wrapped up in what others are doing that he doesn’t realize he is being “naughty”.

My Charlie is different. He knows the rules, but feels that they only apply when he wants them to. For instance, we require pants to be worn at the dinner table. I don’t really feel like this is a major request, yet Charlie and I had a full blown stand off about wearing pants last week.

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I was getting the boys’ dinner ready one Thursday night while Cortney was bowling. Charlie was using the bathroom, and came out in nothing but his underwear.

Me: Charlie, where are your clothes?

Charlie: In da baf-room.

Me: Why?

Charlie: I peed.

Me: Ok, Costanza. Go get your pants and put them on. Your dinner is about ready.

Charlie: NO. I not wear my pants!

Me: If you are going to eat dinner, you are going to wear pants.

Charlie: NO! NEVER! (actually it sounds more like “nevah!”)

Me: Fine. Then you can stand there until you put pants on.

Charlie: (turns his head away and puts his nose in the air and makes a little hmm! noise)

I put the food on the table and Eddie and I eat while Alice gums a cracker.

Charlie: (in a tiny, sweet, innocent voice) Mom mom? I am so hungry. So very hungry, mom mom.

Me: I bet you are.

Charlie: (nods with big eyes)

Me: Put on your pants and you can eat.

Charlie: NO! NEVAH! EVAH! NEVAH!!!!!!!!

He stands there with his arms crossed while we eat. Out of the corner of my eye I see him slide his pants toward him. Then he slowly pulls them on. After standing there with pants for a minute, he slowly slides into his spot at the table, eats his food, and we seem to forget the stand off while we all eat and chat.

about 15 minutes later…

Charlie: Can I be done, mom mom? I am full!

Me: Yup. Go wash your face and hands.

That stinker came running out with NO PANTS ON.

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When it’s not funny, it’s downright maddening.

I have very few bouts of rage due to anxiety anymore, but when I do it’s usually triggered by Charlie. He is the most stubborn, strong-willed, headstrong person I know. He will do nothing on anyone else’s terms but his own.

In my 12 years of being with Cortney and 20+ years knowing him, I have never seen him yell or get super mad…until we had Charlie. Charlie doesn’t just say, “no” (although he DOES do that a LOT), he stares you in the eye and defies you.

He will tell you he is not doing something AS he does it. In front of your SEEING EYES.

And he is NOT afraid to throw down in front of all of the public in the land. Won’t let him ride in the cart because it is full of groceries? Not good enough, mom. Now the entire store shall know my displeasure in the form of screaming fits and thrown objects.

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But.

This boy is the biggest love bug you will ever meet. He is just as stubborn about his love and his cuddles as he is about not wearing pants. Eddie can want nothing to do with him, and he will adamantly insist on hugs. I will be in the middle of feeding Alice and he will bulldoze his way into my arms.

When he is mid-fit, the only way to calm him is to sit down next to him and just be close. No words. Just be at his level with him.

He refuses to trust anyone with his little sister when Cortney and I aren’t around without diligent supervision and constant check-ins. His daycare mom–who I was pretty sure he loved more than he loved me for a chunk of his life–is not immune to this. He stops whatever he is doing randomly throughout the day to make sure Alice is “ok”.

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His bullheadedness drives me MAD. Literally. I go a bit nuts when he can’t do one simple task without a full on, epic fit. I get angry when, even though we do the exact same damn routine every day, he acts surprised by it and refuses to move forward until HE is ready.

I have always been against using spanking or hitting or other corporal punishment with my children, but he is the one who makes me question my stance.

And yet…he is so sweet, so wiling to give up the spotlight for his brother or sister or really anyone who will take it off of him because he hates it. He shares so easily. He loves so hard.

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This horrible willfulness we are going through at age three-and-a-half will serve him so very well when he is an adult. I hope he never loses the will to stick to his guns.  Even if it’s going to drive me to crazy and back parenting him.

Once again, all photos by TMV Photography

growing

Three weeks old today…

The stats:

Head is 36cm

Length is 22 inches

Weight is 9lbs, 1 oz

Charlie Bird is still smaller (but longer) than his brother was at birth.

He is hanging out in the 50th-75th % which is tiny to us.

One of his little tear ducts is clogged, but that should clear up on its own.

He is eating 3oz every 3-4 hours.

He slept for 4 hours and 3.5 hours last night with a feeding in between.

He is quite cooperative.

We like that.

And we love him.

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