The Top Ten That Wasn’t

I was going to write a final Top Ten.

Because I am putting Top Ten Tuesday on hiatus.

I wanted it to be awesome.

But instead?  I had a bad day.

I went into today with the attitude that I was not going to have a bad Monday.  But Monday slowly wore me down.

First, my students wore me down with their teenageness.  It’s March just before Spring Break.  It is just the beginning of the most difficult time of the school year to keep kids engaged.

But this is expected.  So I tackled it.  It wore on me; it tired me out;  it definitely weakened me,  but it did not take me down.

Then, after school, I had a horribly depressing union meeting.  The outlook for education, educators, and any union member or elected local government employee looks grim in Michigan.  I don’t want to get all political here…you can look it up for yourself.

I just don’t understand.

Of course I don’t agree with screwing our students, but right now?  I am thinking about ME.

I did everything “right”.

I followed the textbook on “how I should live my life”.

I was a good student who stayed out of trouble in high school.  I went to college right out of high school with a major in mind.  I worked toward that major without ever changing it and graduated in the recommended number of years.

I worked hard for two years substitute teaching before finally landing my first teaching job.

I got my Master’s degree in my field.

I paid off loans.

I got married and then had a baby.

I was involved with extracurricular activities to show my school and my students that I loved and believe in them.  That I enjoyed my job.

I worked hard at every. single. task I was ever given…even when it wasn’t my first choice.

I endured three+ years of layoffs and budget cuts switching to teaching in my minor.

I even did that with gusto because I love my students.  I love teaching.  And I was so grateful to have a job.

And now?  after all of that?  The government is threatening AGAIN to take it all away.  This time by the hand of someone who just wants to be able to say he crumbled the unions in Michigan.  Not because that would help our budget crisis, but because he can.

If I do keep my job, they are talking about thousands…THOUSANDS of dollars in pay cuts.  No extra money for higher degrees.

And if I complain about this?  Society tells me I am selfish and not thinking of the kids.

If I side with the union and say I would strike to protest?  I risk losing my job and am told I am nothing but a selfish jerk.

If I don’t side with the union, I break our unity.  I show the government that they can roll over us and do what they want.

And all this because at 18 years old, I said I wanted to make a difference.  I wanted to BE somebody TO somebody.  I wanted to teach the way I was taught.

I was told that I should go to college, get a degree, to do it right and I would find security.

I tell my students to go to college, get a degree, and they will also find security.

I was lied to.

And I am lying.

Anyway…pile on come technical difficulties elsewhere, and my day went from me feeling like loving on myself a bit here, to me not  knowing if I was coming or going.

So instead of an awesome Top Ten?

I will tell you this one thing I love about myself: I am a survivor.

When I got home today full of tears and snot, Cort held my face and said, “We will get through this babe.”

and I replied, “I know.  The only other option is to NOT get through it.  And that is not really an option, right?”

Right.

We will survive.  We have before.

It just sucks.

So cheer me up.  Since I can’t come up with a list for me right now, tell me what you love about YOU.  I want to know.  What are the best things about you?

And go ahead and link up if you’ve written a post.  I want to go and celebrate you today.

Oh and?  Tomorrow we will get happy again…I have FOUR giveaways coming to thank YOU for being so awesome to me!

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