I enjoy writing about the sweet moments of motherhood: the funny things Eddie says, the innocent questions, Charlie’s belly laugh and fearless nature.
But sometimes it’s not sweet.
Sometimes this motherhood thing sort of sucks, if I am being honest.
It’s an unpredictable, patience-trying grind of hard.
It’s Charlie’s refusal to listen when we say “no” or his adamant nonacceptance of sitting in timeout when he has made an egregious error like hitting his brother, slapping me, or throwing toy tubs at people.
It’s Eddie incessant whining when we say no to tablet time or candy or more chocolate milk.
It’s sassy mouths and scream-crying at bedtime.
It’s lollygagging and stalling when we are in a hurry.
It’s ignored requests and disobedience.
It’s 10 minutes of fighting after 10 seconds of playing nicely.
It’s all the water that ends up out of the tub and onto the floor, walls, toilet, and me.
It’s the high-pitched scream of “MINE!” from Charlie.
It’s Eddie’s long-drawn out “CHAAAAARRRLIE!” when his brother does so much as breathe wrong.
It’s the way Charlie planks his whole body when I try to buckle him into his car seat after daycare…and a long day of work.
It’s the way Eddie thrashes his whole body when he doesn’t get his way.
Contrary to what some mothers will say, these sweet moments do NOT make it “all better” for me. They don’t wipe out the headache or the wound up feeling in my tummy. But they do soften the blow.
As much as this motherhood thing is lovely and miraculous and more love than I thought my heart could ever handle, it is really hard sometimes.
And sometimes I just need to admit that.