Holy Rolls

It’s time to introduce you to the newest Sluiter Nation Recruit!

Don’t know what the Sluiter Nation Recruits are?  Well go here and read up!

This week’s recruit is one of my very first bloggy friends…and I KNOW I have talked about her here.  A lot.

Meet Sluiter Nation Recruit, Miranda of Not Super…Just Mom.

We are very twin-like.

We are both English teachers.

We both have blond, curly-haired boys who are only months apart in age.

We both have super awesome husbands.

We both love coffee and wine.

And the similarities keep going.

I would be remiss not to have Miranda as one of my first Recruits.

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Hey y’all. I’m freaking PUMPED to be an Official Sluiter Nation Recruit. So pumped. When I got the email from Katie I was all “WOOT!” and then I forgot the date by which I was supposed to write the post. So Katie’s probably not so pumped she asked me. Not woot.

Anyway.

Today, I’m going to talk to you about toilet paper. And my childhood. And I’m not talking about potty training because I don’t remember that. But I’m told I took to it very well and I can only hope that my child does the same. But he’s a boy so I’m not holding out much hope.

ANYWAY. (Clearly, staying on topic is not my strong suit. Ahem.)

When I was young and growing up, we went to church. A lot. Like all the time. And on one Saturday night in particular, there was a benefit singing for a member of our church.

In case you don’t know, a benefit singing is a singing to raise money for someone. And by singing, I mean good ol’ gospel music. Bluegrass sometimes, but Southern gospel all the time.

For a 12 year old, this is not exactly the most amazing way to spend a Saturday night. But, as I could not drive, or really make my own decisions, I went. And I made sure to take along a posse of friends to keep me company. One of them was the boy I had just started “going with.” I was all 12-year-old giddy and excited to be holding hands in the back of the church.

The 4 or 5 of us who’d been dragged to this thing together sat near the back. And we didn’t exactly pay attention to anything except for the notes we were passing. And then the boy I was “going with” sneezed the most idiotic and ridiculous sounding sneeze I’d ever heard in my life. And we laughed.

Loudly.

The next thing we know, a deacon is walking over from about 10 rows up. A deacon with no teeth and overalls. And he tells us it’s time for us to be quiet.

And my Daddy saw the whole thing.

After the singing my cousin, who was living with us at the time, and I were told that Daddy would be dealing with us when he got home.

Y’all. This was bad news bears. My Daddy had never meted out a punishment on us in my life. Ever.

The whole ride home was spent in anticipation of the punishment that would likely be as bad as if God Himself had come down on us with all of his Hellfire and brimstone.

As soon as we walked in the door, we started scheming about how we could make the whippin’ we knew was coming hurt a little less.

And then we remembered the toilet paper.

Charmin toilet paper had this campaign going at the time where they had kids using rolls of their fluffy, white, cottony paper to soften the blows from football and dare-deviling and the like.

My cousin and I had an “AHA!” moment and started stuffing whole rolls of Charmin toilet paper into the butt ends of our shorts.

Whole rolls, y’all. And then we promptly sat down on the couch to hide our genius.

Daddy comes walking in and we’re sitting on the couch all twiddling our thumbs and looking like angels and he says “Y’all go into your room and I’ll be in there in a minute.”

And then we stood up.

And then it took him 15 minutes to come in to us because, as I later learned, that’s how long it took him to compose himself after seeing the genius plan we’d come up with.

I wish I could say that the toilet paper saved our backsides, but it didn’t. We were instructed to give EACH OTHER two licks with the paddle and then we had to sit with Mama forever and ever until he said we could sit somewhere else in the church.

Y’all, my Mama sits on the second row of the church. The SECOND ROW. That is spitting distance when the pastor gets going.

But, to this day, I cannot buy Charmin toilet paper, or even walk past it in the store, without thinking about that moment.

And I still sit with my Mama. On the second row.

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Isn’t she deliciously Southern?  She is like my own personal Paula Deen.  Plus?  She is cute even with a cleansing mask on.  Trust me on this.  You’ll want to get to know Miranda’s blog because it’s one of my favorites.  If you want the funny, you will want to read Children’s Songs Hate Me, FAIL!!, and So I know why toilet locks were invented. But Miranda is also quite lovely with her words.  I dare you not to get a little teary-eyed reading the story of the stars.

On a Spring Breeze

 

I’ve been in the bloggy dumps lately.

I have so much to say and nothing is coming out right.

And it’s true that I contemplated just quitting.  Quitting the social media world.  Just posting the occasional picture here for my family and friends.

But I was talked out of it.

I was told I need to quit putting so much pressure on myself to write a masterpiece every. single. time I hit publish.

And these wise friends of mine were right.

So to take a wee bit of pressure off myself AND still share love with you all, I am starting a new guest post series here in Sluiter Nation.

It has come to my attention that there are people out there in the world who would like to know what I read every day.  Where do I get my inspiration?  Who are these phantom bloggers who give me so much joy and so much support to keep going with this little corner of the web every day?

I present to you…the Sluiter Nation Recruits!

Each Wednesday I will bring you a new blogger who, by writing a guest post, has become an official member of Sluiter Nation and can don the Nation Bling:

My first official Recruit is Nichole from In These Small Moments.

Nichole is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever met.  She is genuine and kind.  She is beautiful and strong.

She also has a gorgeous little girl named Katie.  Perfect.

And a handsome little toddler named Matthew.

And she is going to be my BlogHer roomie.

AND she is one of the co-hosts of The Red Dress Club with  me.

I am honored that Nichole agreed to be my first recruit.

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As I sit here, I can hear the birds tweeting and the sun is shining, with not a cloud in the sky.

It was a long winter. A brutally long, wet winter.

But now, fingers crossed, it’s all behind me.

When Katie invited me to guest post here, as the first official recruit, I had lofty plans of writing something about belonging, about friendship, about love.

But those plans have floated away on a spring breeze.

Instead, I’m going to tell you the ten things that I’m looking forward to most about the warmer weather.

  1. Warmer weather means that turning the sprinklers on for my kids is just as good as bathing them.
  2. Meals are better served outside in the warmer months. And meals outside? Are served on paper plates. No more loading and unloading the dishwasher.
  3. Longer days are meant for evening bike rides. There’s little that’s more peaceful than that.
  4. Spring means baseball…baseball means peanuts and beer. For dinner.
  5. The clothes we wear in the warmer months are much smaller. Smaller clothes=less laundry. Even I can do that math.
  6. The spring and summer months simply beg for us to go camping. There’s unexpected joy in sleeping in a tent, getting dirty, and eating S’mores.
  7. My gardenias bloom in abundance during the warmer months. Sitting outside in the evening, glass of wine in hand, with the scent of gardenias in the air is pure bliss.
  8. We spontaneously purchased a new water and sand table for the kids. The joy in their laughter and collaborative play is pure magic.
  9. Our Katie is will soon be on summer break from school and that makes me all sorts of happy.  Watch out, Katie! You might just get sick of me by August!
  10. Speaking of Katie and August…Blogher ’11!

This summer is going to be pure joy!

Thank you for having me here, Katie. I’m so excited about this new feature and I can’t wait to see who you have here in the coming months.

Much love to you, my beautiful friend.

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Much love to you, too, Nichole.  I am honored you are here.  I cannot WAIT to meet you in August!

You should also check out Nichole’s Small Moment Mondays guest post series where she asks people to explode a small, but meaningful moment.  She even had little old me over for a small moment.

But to better know the loveliness that is Nichole?  You should read Disappearing Stripper Boots…Or Why Barbie Can Stay, Because It Was Grassy and Wanted WearWithout a Backward Glance, and My Full Weight.

Now tell us…what part of warmer weather do YOU look forward to?

Me?  I look forward to the beach with my little guy!

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