my generation?

February 3, 2012 By 25 Comments

I have a wandering minstrel in my first hour.

For the past two years, I have watched this kid walk the halls between classes with his guitar strumming made-up tunes, current tunes, and riffs from my own teenage years.

This fall he wandered into my class and sat in the front row.

He is a junior who was born the same year I was a junior in high school….1995.

We talk music a lot because he enjoys the bands from my teen years.  For awhile he and his friends would jam out some Weezer tunes in the hall after school.  They congregated quite a crowd.*

He (and quite a few others at this point) and I discuss concerts since they are at the age that I was when I started my mad concert-going years.  We talk about who is coming to our city and how I can’t go because I am all pregnant and tired and responsibly an adult now.  And then I hope they go so they can report back.

Today he asked me how the band Bush was when I saw them in concert.

In 1996.

Most kids in my first hour were only barely a year old when I was at that concert.  Bush with openers Goo Goo Dolls and No Doubt.  And yes, that was when the Gavin and Gwen romance began.  I went to the show on that fated tour.

At the end of the hour, he proceeded to play “Glycerine” for a group of students and I couldn’t help sing along as I entered in my attendance and other busy work things I have to do before the end of each hour.

That is when I realized the students were listening to something recorded before they were born.

I am almost 34 years old.

All these years I have been waiting to turn into an adult…waiting for that feeling of being a grown-up.

But I just feel like….me.

I am waiting to forget what it’s like to be a teenager…to lose my understanding of the angst of being 17.  The way it seemed to me that adults forgot their teenage years when I was 17.

But I don’t forget.

Each feeling from my childhood…of being scared or nervous or anxious…come back to me when I see Eddie.

Each confused and hurt and joyous experience from my teen years come back to me when I talk with students.

I can’t forget.

I married someone who was with me through my teenage years.  Who I grew up with.  Who I spent countless hours discussing bands and movies and life with.

I don’t feel like I have changed.

But I know I have.

I worry about budgets and cleaning.

I get excited about carpet being installed.

I have babies and degrees and a professional career.

I remember on my wedding day giggling with my best friend about how “grown up” getting married was and how I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do it.

I was 27.

The first time I became pregnant I was embarrassed to tell my dad because he would know what I did to get that way.

I was married and 28.

Today Cort told me that Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit was on a radio show we both listen to talking about how it has been 17 years since their first album dropped.

I remember it.

I was at their very first shows in tiny little po-dunk bars wondering who this crazy awesome band was that was covering George Michael’s “Faith”…in heavy metal.

I remember being pushed to the front and wondering…will this always be awesome?  When do adults suddenly look down on this and forbid it?

When will I be one of those parents who just don’t understand?**

This morning it hit me that I am an adult.

I know that seems weird, but I think today was the day that it finally hit.

I teach high school.

Every year the kids are 15-18 years old.

But I don’t stay the same age.

I am not 25 anymore like I was when I started.

I am not saying I feel 25 or 17 anymore.  Goodness no.

But I don’t feel like I have morphed into the way I always thought adulthood would be either.

Today I realized I am an adult.

Because of a 17 year old wandering minstrel.

People try to put us d-down
Just because we g-g-get around
Things they do look awful c-c-cold 
Yeah, I hope I die before I get old 

This is my generation
This is my generation, baby ***

 

*a million points to the reader who knows what song I lifted that line from.  And no, Cort, you cannot play.  I know you know.

**this line?  anyone?  Come on…it’s an easy one!

***If you don’t get this one we can’t be friends anymore.

Filed Under: Sluiters, teaching Tagged With: , , ,

I miss you all day

February 2, 2012 By 43 Comments

Every day when Eddie and Cort come home, Eddie calls up the stairs, “Hi Mommy!”

Eddie takes his hat and coat off, stuffing the hat in the sleeve of the coat.

He sits on the step while Daddy pulls off his boots.

Then he hurries up the stairs to tell me the highlight of his day or to show me the craft he made or to hand me the mail.

I busy myself by getting him a snack and some milk and I ask him what he did at Renae’s house that day.

Usually he starts by telling me he played cars, but eventually he tells me about “circle time” and the songs they sang and the shape and color of the month, the letter of the week, and any other things they are learning.  Lately, for instance, he has been a wealth of knowledge on the subject of bears and caves.

He tells me that bears’ eyes go like this O_O

And last night he told me that his milky cup has the numbers 1, 3 and 10 on it.  He was right.

He is two years old.

He gets up by 7am every weekday and is at daycare until almost 5pm.

He has one more year and then we will be sending him to preschool.  To say he is excited to go to school is an understatement.

He enjoys learning.

He loves asking “why”.

He is like a little sponge…he absorbs every piece of information around him–memorizing songs and books and sayings, roll-playing doctors and mommies and chefs and puppies.

And as a teacher, my heart leaps to see my boy fall in love with learning.

To him, learning is just a part of being a kid….and he can’t wait to keep learning.

Every day I see kids who are not interested in learning at all.  I wonder when that happens?

At what age does learning become more of a chore than part of the excitement of just being?

Recently it has become federally mandated that all schools offer Kindergarten all day every day.  When I heard this, the only frustration I had was that they will not give more money to schools to staff and operate this, but they will take money away if districts don’t comply.

So either way, districts are losing money.

But this past week I have seen other concerns that never even crossed my mind:  parents worried that their five year old is not ready to be in school all day, every day.

I honestly think this didn’t worry me because I know Eddie already handles being away from me all day, every day.  He already handles learning and routine and getting up early.  He already thrives on being with other kids and taking directions from a “teacher”.

I know in a couple years he will do half day preschool, half day Day Care.  So all day Kindergarten the year after that seems natural.

I know this isn’t true for every child though.  And I know that most of the concern (at least from those on my facebook timeline and in my twitter stream) is mostly from moms and dads who stay at home with their children.  Those who will go to having their kids home to not having them at all.

And I can empathize with the anxiety these parents have because at one point, I had to go from being home every day with Eddie to not being home with him at all.

Aside from being a mother, though, I also know why schools need to go to all day, every day Kindergarten.

Currently, our country is in the process of changing from State Standards and benchmarks to Federal ones.  I think this is a good idea for many reasons (mostly due to consistency of test scores and knowing that a freshman in Iowa is hitting the same standards as a freshman in Maine), but that is not what I am going to spend time on here.

The “Common Core”, as they are called, are more stringent than what a lot of states are currently using. (Michigan is already pretty close on our standards matching, so we don’t have as much work to do to realign to the new federal requirements. at least at the high school level.  woot to that.)

However, in order for American students to reach these new standards, all day Kindergarten is necessary.

The public complains all the time that American students are behind the rest of the world (I could do a WHOLE other post on this subject); these new standards, in theory, will help ensure that ALL American students will be learning the same things.  That instead of state-chosen testing, there will be an identical test given to all students–from those in New Orleans to New York City to Los Angeles to Appalachia to wee little West Michigan.  No more 2+2 being a standard for high school algebra in some states, but higher level-almost-calculus being a standard in others.

Scores from all 50 states will be equitable.

Or at least that is the plan. (I have opinions on this too…and how funding is needed…but that is another tangent for another day).

To meet these common standards–to stay at the “correct” level–kids need to go to school all day, every day starting in Kindergarten.

I believe this is doable.

Not just as a mother, but as an educator.

Of course, this re-emphasizes my belief that ALL kids should be mandated to go to preschool and that it should be government funded…but maybe that is another post too?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that to me, school is not the “end” of being a kid.  It’s a continuation.

I’ve heard the argument that “kids should be allowed to be kids,” but I don’t know what this means.  Being curious and learning about the world is part of being a kid.

Learning to read and do math and understand history is a great part of being a kid.

Their brains are ripe for this knowledge to be introduced.  They are prime for instilling a lifetime of curiosity and questioning…and learning.

Are all kids ready?  No.

But they will be.

And as a parent you know your child.  If they need an extra year of pre-school or need to do Young 5′s to ease in, do it.

Both of my brothers did preschool twice.  It was what my mom and dad felt was right for them.

You know what is right for your child.

But make sure when you make the decision, it’s about your child and not about you.

While you might want to keep your child home forever, unless you plan to home school, you can’t.

So do what is right…for your child.

****UPDATE****

Since posting this I have had the opportunity to chat with my superintendent.  Kindergarten is NOT necessarily compulsory and their rules/regulations are still set by the state.  That being said, the state of Michigan (and many other states) are mandating that Kindergarten be full day in order for students to be prepared enough to enter first grade and tackle the rigors of the new standards.

That being said, parents do not HAVE to send their kids to preschool or Kindergarten, but it is my opinion that unless you are homeschooling your child with a curriculum that is based on the standards of public schools, your child will most definitely not be ready to transition from no school to first grade…neither academically or socially.

Filed Under: teaching Tagged With: , , , , ,

Project 365: January 23-28, 2012

January 29, 2012 By 9 Comments

Another busy week in Sluiter Nation.

I had the end of the semester to deal with.

We had coughing and snotty noses.

There were appointments and classes and bowling league.

And there was life.

It looked like this…

January 22: it's the little things like a wind-up humpty dumpty that make us smile.

January 23: Why does my house always look like this?

January 24: Poop and Pee on the toilet. A big deal that is celebrated with M&Ms and dancing.

 

January 25: Grades are due in the morning. Gulp.

January 26: Got all my grades in and so now I shall enjoy a book and a pick with my #1 son.

January 27: Cort and I have a date to choose carpet for Eddie's Big Boy room...and stuff ourselves at On The Boarder

January 28: Team Banana Muffin

And that was the week that was.

On a side note, I am collecting books (or giftcards to barnes and noble to purchase books) to donate to our school’s FREE BOOK shelf in the media center.  It has gotten embarrassingly bare and with the transient nature of our student body and the fact that our kids sometimes need “risk free book trying” the free book shelf is very popular since they don’t have to return them if they don’t want to.

If you are at all interested in donating, contact me at sluiternation (at) gmail.com

I work in a high school and the reading level is all the way from Young Adult Literature up through college level (but still appropriate for high school age).  The Hunger Games are HUGE right now, by the way.  They have gotten stolen from the library and from our RIF program due to high demand.

Filed Under: Project 365, teaching Tagged With: ,

Banned Ham {or why I have high expectations for my students}

January 27, 2012 By 11 Comments

Today this conversation happened in my second hour Spanish 2 class:

Me: From here on out the saying, “Going HAM” is banned from this classroom.*

Students:  Why?  Because it stands for bad language?  It’s a song, Mrs. Sluiter.

Me:  I am aware of the song.  I think we might even have the album at home.  Or not.  Probably not.  Do you know why?  Because “Going HAM” is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.  I think the day I heard it, I got a tad dumber.

Students: ::chuckling:: YOU know that song?

Me: Yes. We listen to the rap.  And while I could go on and on about how ridiculous and offensive the whole song is and how it makes me sad for Jay-Z that he collaborated on such a piece of garbage, my point here is that HAM? is a lunch meat.  Going ham sounds like something you are doing for lunch.  It does not sound like you are all hard and bad.  It sounds like you are craving pork. And really?  If you look at what it stands for it should be Going HAAMF.  Yeah, not as catchy, but more accurate.  So on the basis of good taste, accuracy, and overall common sense, I am going to have to ban that phrase from this classroom.

Students:  ::in between dying from laughter:: Ok, you have a point.  Can we say “Going Hard in the Paint”?

Me: Is that a basketball reference?

Students:  Yes.

Me:  While it’s still sort of dumb, it makes more sense.  So yes.  You may say that.

Students:  Deal.  Oh, and Mrs. Sluiter?  You have been Going Hard in the Paint this week on grades.  Good job.

Me:  Gee.  Thanks.

::end scene::

Why did I tell you this?

It’s not because I want to discuss rap lyrics and why teenagers are allowed to listen to it (if they are like me?  They probably aren’t allowed to, but they do anyway.  I mean, that’s what I did).

It’s not because I want to tell you how yes, Cort and I listened to (and still do listen to) music with vulgarity in it (but not in front of Eddie.  Because that kid loves music so much, he memorizes everything he hears.  Currently he is in love with “Brass Monkey” by The Beastie Boys).

I’m telling you this because I see the 100+ kids that walk through my classroom each day as my own.  And if Eddie tried to tell me he was Going Ham on his homework?  I would have had this same conversation with him.

I am honest and forward with my students.  The same way I would be with my own child.

This extends beyond just dumb rap lyrics.

Yesterday my Quarter 2 grades were due.  I had an obnoxious number of students failing because they weren’t turning in their work.

I told each and every one of those students that I was disappointed in them.  I told each of those students that this doesn’t fly with me.

I had kids argue that my standards were too high. That I expected too much.

I thought about this claim, and realized that what I expect from them is no less than what I would expect from Eddie.

When Eddie is in high school I will expect him to do his class work and his homework and study for tests and prepare for class.  I expect him to make up work in a timely manner if he is absent.  If he does have problems and do poorly or fail, I expect him to do what he can to right the matter as soon as he can.

Why would I expect less from my students?

They are not my  children, but….they are.

They are someone’s.

And regardless of whether those parents are still there for the kids, or whether something has happened along the way to where they are now, for the hour they are with me?  They are mine.  And I will treat them that way.

I will hold them to high standards.

I will expect them to treat me and others the way I teach my son to treat me and others.

And I will honestly tell them that Going Ham is the dumbest thing ever.

—————
*warning: this is a Kayne West song and it includes vulgarity that may not be appropriate for work.

Filed Under: Katie, teaching Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

from tots to teens

January 5, 2012 By 14 Comments

I have been amongst the teenagers for 11 years now.

I started in January of 2001 with my student teaching and I have been in the same district as a long-term sub and then as a contracted teacher since then.

In my first couple months in a high school, I was asked to prom by a senior boy who mistakenly thought I was a new student.  I was 21 at the time, but looked about 17.  We were both pretty embarrassed when I had to correct him…and decline the invite.

When I started subbing, my youngest brother was in high school.  If I subbed in his building, he hid from me and I ignored him.  His friends, however?  Loved it.  There were many sister jokes flung about.  Needless to say, I sort of avoided subbing in his school…for both of our sanity.

My first contracted teaching job started in the fall of 2003, was his senior year of high school.  And thankfully–for both of us–it wasn’t in his school.  I was 25 and not feeling totally like an adult yet.  With a brother the same age as my students, it was hard for me to be a disciplinarian.  I was good at being bossy, but not so good about dropping the hammer when necessary.

In the five years after being hired, I gradually got old matured into adulthood, but the teenagers stayed, well, teenagers.  By the time I was pregnant with Eddie in 2008, I had established a nice reputation of being a good teacher, but strict on behavior and tough on grading.

And then came Eddie.

Suddenly I was a mom.   And I realized…all those teenagers?  Were someone’s baby.

It was like getting punched in the face with the obvious.

I remained a tough teacher, in fact, I think I got tougher.  I knew that the parents of these kids wanted them to succeed.  In my mind, no one has a baby hoping he/she will fail high school.

When I was pregnant with Eddie, my students used to joke that he was “doomed”.

Doomed because I know what the kids listen to, what they talk about, how they slack, what kind of drama goes on.

Doomed because I bring all that up, tell them in the grand scheme it doesn’t matter, and then expect success anyway.

Doomed because I value education.

Doomed because I don’t put up with disrespectful ridiculousness.

Doomed because I had the perfect “mom look” when things were getting out of hand.

Doomed because I don’t just threaten, I follow through.

Doomed because I care.

And then those kids would stay after school and confess that Eddie was so lucky to have me as a mom because they didn’t have those things at home.

I would go home on those days and scoop up Eddie and weep.

Now that I am a mom of a wiggly toddler and pregnant with a wiggly fetus, I am constantly aware that my boys?  Will be 15 year olds someday.

Family members have already told me that “The Sluiter Boys: Eddie and Charlie” sound like a mischievous pair.  Eddie’s listening ears are about as well-functioning as a 15 year old boy.

I keep taking breaks from this post to teach those teenagers.

And because this post is in the back of my head, I find myself noticing all the teenage boy behavior even more than usual.

Last hour I had to tell a group of boys to keep their hands to themselves three different times.

This hour, I have already had to tell a couple boys to focus on the warm-up instead of talking about video games.

And just now, I turned to the kid next to my desk and said, “A, is your warm up done?  Get it out.  We’ve been in class for 7 minutes.  It should be done.”

Will this be Eddie?  Or Charlie?

As a teacher I know some of kid behavior is upbringing.  But by the teen years much of it is peer-related.  And a good chunk is just teenager-y-ness.

As our kids get older, we are less and less their main influence in decision-making and beliefs.

I see this all the time.

Frustrated parents come in and tell me they just don’t know what to do anymore. That they are at their wit’s end.

And I wonder…

Was it always this way?

Or did you have a great connect with that little boy or girl at one point?

Did you sit and play and read and have conversations?

Or is this a result of years of thinking a kid should be a certain way, but not showing him/her how to be that way.

And the big one…am I showing Eddie how to be a responsible, respectful teenager?

I know good parents end up with troubled kids.  And I know troubled parents end up with amazing kids.

I have literally seen it all.

And day after day I wonder…is what I am doing going to matter?

I don’t have that answer, but I have to believe it will.

I have to believe that my best will be good enough.

Because it is all I have to give my boys.

*Thank you to Sherri for the idea to write this.

Filed Under: Charlie, Eddie, Katie, Sluiters, teaching Tagged With: , , ,

heart refill

October 20, 2011 By 9 Comments

Yesterday was cold and rainy ’round these parts.

I hadn’t gotten enough sleep Tuesday night, and I was dragging.  By the time the afternoon rolled around, I had a headache and all I could think of was going home, putting on sweats, and crawling under a blanket.

The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house again.

No, scratch that.  The last thing I wanted to do was leave the house to do more teaching.

But that is exactly what I had agreed to do way back in August.

In fact, I enthusiastically agreed to help with our church’s Wednesday night Children’s Program.  This year, the theme is God using ordinary people for extraordinary things, and Meredith (the coordinator) reads this little blog and wanted me to come do a few weeks with the kids on writing our stories and sharing our gifts.

I was so honored and thought it was a fabulous idea.

Until last night when I was cold and headachey and grouchy with teaching students who don’t listen.

We don’t go to church nearly as much as we should, and I was already dreading showing up and not knowing anyone.  They serve dinner before the Wednesday night activities, and we were invited to join.

Cort and Eddie and I headed a bit begrudgingly to church  for “salad” night.

Once there we wandered into the large Fellowship room and looked around.  Before we could take it all in, our pastor jumped up and embraced us and warmly welcomed us.

My mood was beginning to lift.

Eddie and I found ourselves and empty table while Cort headed to the food service to grab us some dinner. Before Cort could even get back to our table with food for us, Meredith and a couple other friends had joined our table to chat with us.

My grouchiness and headache and fatigue disappeared.

Everything was warm and inviting and tasty.

After dinner, Eddie and Cort stuck around so Eddie could listen to the Bible story and songs that the kids did.  I watched as about 15 kids in grades Pre-school through fifth grade interacted and got excited.

I got a little nervous.

They would be split in two groups.  One group would be with me for 20 minutes and the other group would be learning about percussion.  After 20 minutes they would switch.

Percussion.

How do you make writing as fun for an 8 year old as beating on drums?

Oh man.

All my doubts faded as soon as the first group rushed into my little room.  Everyone wanted to sit as close to me as possible–something VERY different than teaching high school where everyone chooses the seats as far from the front of the room as they can.

They were all very interested in my life: where did I teach?  What grades?  Did I like it?  What could I say in Spanish?  How old was my son?  Did I know if my baby was a boy or girl?  And on and on and on.

They were all very interested in telling me about their lives:  I’m in 3rd grade.  My teacher is pregnant too.  We did math today.  I have 2 brothers.  One of my brothers is in heaven.  I LOVE to write!  When do we start??

My smile grew and grew.  Everyone was excited.

As I told them about this blog and how I share the gifts that God has blessed me with, they got excited.

We went around and talked about all the things we are good at and the things we have been blessed with.  If someone said they didn’t know, the whole table would chip in and offer suggestions.

On my book I drew Cortney, Eddie, and a little bean in my tummy.  I drew my computer with a bunch of faces in the screen (that would be all of you, by the way).  I drew a pencil writing.  I drew and apple (for teaching) and music notes and me talking and smiling.

Everyone had different things.  One girl had drawn a female stick figure and under it wrote, “I like Katie”.

I got hugs and high fives as they left.

“I can’t wait for next week, Miss Katie!”

After cleaning up, I thanked Meredith for the opportunity.

My heart was filled.

No.  It was RE-filled.

I hadn’t even realized that it had leaked so much joy.

The kids left excited, but I left rejuvenated.

I think we will be in church on Sunday morning.

Filed Under: teaching Tagged With: , , , ,

starting fresh

September 13, 2011 By 24 Comments

I take my position by my door and face the new school year.

“Good morning!”

“Happy Back to School!”

“How ya doin’ today?”

“Lookin’ tired!  Wake up and smile! We’re BACK!”

Faces wander past me.  Some familiar, some new.

The familiar ones give me head nods, high fives, shout out’s, even hugs.

“How was your summer, Mrs. Sluiter?”

“I heard you’re pregnant!  YAY!”

“Aw, I wish I had your class this year, Sluiter!”

“I read your blog.  I’m glad you are feeling better.”

I watch new faces walk through my door.

They don’t know me.  Some know of me, some do not.

There are shy smiles.

Some nervous, searching eyes.

The hallway where I stand is full of chatter, but as my classroom fills up, it is almost silent.

Most do not know what to expect.

The past students crane their necks past me to peek at the new kids filling up the desks that they used to occupy.

“Look out for that one, Sluiter!”

“Oh hey, you have my sister!”

“You guys are lucky!  Sluiter is the best!”

I laugh and shove the previous students down the hall to their new classes.

But inside, my heart smiles.

My soul feels a spark it hasn’t felt in months.

As the clock ticks down the last minute until the first class, new sneakers squeak against the newly waxed floor.

“Hurry up!  You don’t want a tardy on the first day!”

“Do you know what classroom you are going to?  208?  That is upstairs.”

“Are you looking for my class?  Mrs. Sluiter?  You found it!”

The bell rings.  Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.

I take one last glance down the empty hall.

Smile.

Take a deep breath.

And as I close my door I announce with complete confidence,

“Welcome back to school and into Sluiter Nation!  We are going to have a GREAT year!”
Just Write

Filed Under: teaching Tagged With: , , ,

the light in the darkness

September 2, 2011 By 19 Comments

Admittedly I have been focusing on negative things lately.

I have been tired, sick, and depressed.  When you feel like crap, it’s easy to see crap all around you.

And even though I really wanted to enjoy Monday–my last day home with Eddie–it started out with barfing and being hugely tired.  And then I got the news that my cousin–who has three kids under four and one in her tummy due before mine in March–was in a horrible car accident.

She was driving on a rural road when someone ran a stop sign, causing my cousin to T-bone the other car.  The other driver died and the four passengers were hurt.

My cousin and all three (well, four) of her children only had a couple bumps and bruises.  No one was seriously hurt.

What a blessing!  What a miracle!

That news opened my eyes to the lovely bright spots that I simply wasn’t acknowledging because of how terrible I was feeling.

Two of my teacher friends blessed me with donations to my classroom this past weekend.  TWO!  They each get allowances from their district for their classes, but I do not.  Each took the time to set aside markers, pencil-top erasers, pens, paper, notebooks, and more for my students.

I was speechless!

Speaking of school, I went back to work this week.  No kids yet, but teachers were back for three days.

I wasn’t sure how the week would go, to be honest.  I was excited to get back to work, but the idea of getting up early and having to use my brain all day was nerve-wracking.

But then, on the very first day back, a colleague I greatly admire and respect, walked up to me, gave me the half hug, and said, “how are you this morning?  this hasn’t been an easy summer for you.”

I knew instantly that he had been reading my words here and that he truly cared.

And I was so glad to be back because he was not the only one who expressed concern and/or congratulations to me.

On the home front, Cortney has been taking very, very good care of our home and family.

He has been super supportive and loving and doting and concerned about my eating and my sleeping.

So even though my brain is still projecting darkness on my life?

There have been some huge bright spots.

Thank you to all who have been bearing with me.

The next trimester is within sight.

Let’s hope for more brightness.

**special thanks to Kelli and Tracy for the school supplies, Roy for being a concerned friend, and Cortney for making me laugh and then telling me to just go to bed.
Filed Under: anxiety, pregnancy, teaching Tagged With:

shouldn’t

June 12, 2011 By 55 Comments

He quietly came into my first hour each day, still shrugging off sleep at 7:30am.

‘Morning, Mrs. Sluiter.

He took his place against the wall in the back.  Chatting with his neighbors.

Slowly waking up his contagious smile.

After lunch he always breezed into my room again…this time to chat with his friends before hurrying to his fifth hour.

You have me again this hour, Mrs. Sluiter.  Or at least you wish you did, don’t you?  Miss me yet?

He ran track.

He had lots of friends.

He was nice to everyone.

I wonder…

did he love to run when he was a toddler?

did his mother have to chase him in stores and through the yard?

did he have that easy smile when he was young or did he hide behind his mother’s legs?

did his mom count his fingers and toes and gaze into his eyes when he was born?

did she tousle his hair as she tucked him in at night?

did he like to hear the same book over and over every night before bed?

did he have chubby toddler hands and elbows when he was small?

did he make his mom presents in school?

did he always make friends so easily?

did he always work so hard?

did he tell his family he loved them often?  What about that day?

did his mom tell him to be careful when he went to the pool knowing he couldn’t swim and worrying about him?

did he hug his friends?  his family?

did he know who loved him?

sixteeen.

he should be taking driver’s ed and worrying about pimples.

he should be keeping in shape for another season of track.

he should be thinking about his junior year.

he should be with his friends enjoying a free summer.

he should be.  but he’s not.

I better have you for Spanish 2, Mrs. Sluiter.  Or I might just switch to French.  Just kidding!

On the last day of school he walked out of the room with everyone else.

It was first hour so they all had five more “lasts” to go.  Mine wasn’t all that special.

But he waved.

Have a great summer, Mrs. Sluiter!

“You guys have a super summer too!  Come back safe to me in the fall!”

my heart is so full of sadness.

he was someone’s friend, cousin, nephew…but all I can think about is how he was someone’s son.

someone’s little boy.

someone’s joy.

he was a newborn swaddled and smelling fresh.

he was a curious toddler

he was a big boy starting school.

he was an awkward middle schooler.

he was a well-liked, athletic, friendly high school student.

the list shouldn’t have to stop there.

it just shouldn’t.

my heart and prayers go out to all who knew him…but mostly?

I am thinking and praying for his family.

Specifically his mother.

she shouldn’t have to bear this.

this shouldn’t be how life is.

mothers outliving sons.

mothers with empty arms.

it just shouldn’t be.

*************

my heart and prayers go to V’s family and friends.

i will miss his face…and his smile.

Filed Under: mental health, teaching Tagged With: , , , ,

on the first day of summer break my true love gave to me…

June 4, 2011 By 22 Comments

Starting summer break is always weird.

I look forward to it for weeks while I finish up the million things that I have to do at school.  This year was especially taxing.  Not only did I have six classes instead of five to wrap up, I had graduation to run.

I had tests and quizzes and essays to grade.

I had make-ups and credit recovery to chase.

I had seniors to hound about credits, parents to call about failing grades, graduation rehearsals to plan and run, a senior picnic to organize, and the list really keeps going.

It was a whirlwind.

This past Tuesday I was at school from 7:15am until 8:30pm because of graduation.  I didn’t go home between school and the ceremony because I had so much to work on and it seemed silly to drive 40 minutes home just to turn around and come back.

Wednesday and Thursday were half days for the students, but I still had meetings and grading to get done in the afternoon.

When Friday finally showed up, I was in sort of a daze.

For two hours the staff had their final meeting of the year and then we were free.

We had our annual staff get-together at a teacher’s house to unwind and gab about the latest dirt and rumors in the district about what could possibly happen to our jobs, and then it was time to go.

I got home and just sat.

After all the constant going and doing over the past few weeks I was suddenly done.

So what did I do?  I fell asleep on the couch while Cort watched Tivo-ed episodes of Whale Wars.

Today I woke up somewhat refreshed.

Cort bought me a Groupon to get a shellac mani/pedi so I cashed that in, treated myself to a venti frappacino at Starbucks, and did a little shopping at Target.

I still don’t think it’s sunk in yet that I am done with work for a few months.

And it’s hard to enjoy because my district faces a pantload of cuts again due to decisions made in Lansing, but we won’t know until the end of June who is getting pink slipped.

And it could be August before I see a teaching assignment or schedule.

Of course the snide comments about how easy my job is because I get 2.5 months off each summer have already started.

It’s hard to come off one of the most difficult teaching years of my career and get slapped with a “pfft.  I wish I got more than two months off every year.  must be nice!”

It is nice, yes.

And if I had to teach year ’round?  I would consider another job.

And if you want your summers off too?  They DO still have teaching certificates available.  You could go to school for the rest of your life and pay $175 each time it expires to keep it too.

Go ahead.

I’ll be your biggest cheerleader.

Anyway…what was I talking about?

I don’t even know.

This post is not going anywhere.

But I am off for the summer.  There are haters, but guess what.  I still have the summer off.

Well, until I start that class in two weeks that I have to pay for in order to keep my teaching certificate which expires next year that I have to pay $175 to keep so I can have a job…if there is a job for me.

Yay!  Summer!

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