Sibling Conflict: The Netflix Edition

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I never had the experience of having a sibling who was the same gender as me. Cortney didn’t have one close to his age (his brother is seven years younger than he is). Eddie and Charlie’s relationship being two and a half years apart is a whole new world to us.

They are super close in a way I wasn’t with my brother and Cort wasn’t with his sister, but that closeness also means they fight. A lot.

Eddie is typical oldest child: He is bossy and too smart for his own good. And like his mother (who is also an oldest child), he is rule-follower and a tattle-tale. He’s also a bit of a wimp (also like his mother).

Charlie is proving to be typical middle child: Stubborn, gives no damns about rules, rough, and did I mention stubborn?

At almost seven and four, Eddie and Charlie have pretty different preferences in what shows they want to watch. Charlie is still very much into Disney Jr. shows and chooses Dinotrux, Curious George, Handy Manny, and other shows that are geared toward his age group and love of tools, trucks, and silliness.  Eddie likes anime shows, but he’s also starting to watch movies and shows with real people, Odd Squad being a real favorite.

Each night we watch a show before heading downstairs for books and bed. Sometimes it can turn into a real argument about what we watch. From time to time we also do a movie night and that can get heated too since the boys have such different preferences of what is entertaining.

This is where I admit that when we found out Charlie was a boy, I had all happy brothers-gotta-hug-type visions of how Eddie and Charlie would grow up together. I pictured Eddie putting his arm around his little brother’s shoulders and guiding him. I pictured Charlie looking up admiringly to Eddie.

<insert cliche record scratch sound>

TV show and movie arguments are the tip of the iceberg with these two. It seems like when they are getting along it’s because they are doing something naughty–like throwing spaghetti noodles at the sliding door windows (outside, thankfully, not in) while I get Alice cleaned up after dinner. Or they are are throwing things into our tree and then standing on top of the cozi coupe to get them down. Or they are supposed to be eating lunch, but instead are thinking of different ways to describe their food in terms of poop and giggling until they have the hiccups.

All of the rest of the time they are LOUDLY yelling/screaming at each other or smacking each other around.

Is this normal brother behavior? I don’t really know.

I do know that they are able to agree on a few things: butts (and everything they do) are funny; bubbles are a good time; and Netflix has at least three things that they both like to watch.

I’ve mentioned before that they both like the movie, Home.

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And now Inside Out is also on Netflix and they both really love that one. In fact, Charlie took one look at Anger and said, “I like that red guy.”  No one was surprised.

While we were on our little mini-trip over spring break, we found Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on TV and they were both totally into it–much to my surprise. We read the book together last summer, but both forgot some of the details. Eddie discovered this week that it’s on Netflix, and they have watched it twice since.

As far as shows, they discovered Kong: King of the Apes this week and seem interested in it, so I foresee that one one being the next binge they go on. And as always, the whole family loves some Phineas and Ferb.

So give me some suggestions for these crazy boys. What are your kids watching? I need some back up ideas for what is looking like a rainy weekend coming up!

Six World YA Lit Books You Should Read NOW

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It’s been awhile since I wrote about what I’ve been reading, which is actually funny because I have been reading more than I ever have before. In fact, I am on book 22 for the school year! Crazy!

Anyway, in the last month or so, I read six Young Adult Lit books that fall under the category of “world literature” and “historical fiction” because my 8th grade classes would be choosing between them for their final class book of the school year. Each of my five classes has a “book club” centered around each of these books. So far, it’s a wonderful experience, and I think the fact that the book are so darn good is has a big part of that.

I really love historical fiction, but I admit I hadn’t read much YA historical fiction until now. And of course reading six titles, probably qualifies as binging on it, but I am Ok with that. I highly recommend all of these titles to anyone 13 and over, so let’s get into the books…

My Name is Not Easy by Debby Dahl Edwardson 

Based on stories friends and family have told her, Edwardon bases her book in Alaska in the 1960’s when public schools were unavailable to the majority of children who didn’t live in a main city. Before 1976, students who wanted to attend high school had to travel hundreds of miles to boarding schools. In My Name is Not Easy, Luke (whose real name is not really Luke, but something too difficult for white speakers to pronounce) and his brothers–along with other children including Chickie, Amiq, Junior, and Sonny–are sent to Sacred Heart School where they realize that the students–Eskimo like them, Native American (Indian), and white–segregate themselves in the lunch room almost as if some sort of war is going on. The staff at Sacred Heart forbid use of native language and push to assimilate the children to a white, Catholic culture, but the students main goal is just to survive school and get back to their families.

I not only loved all of the characters in this book, but I knew many of my students would identify with having a name and culture that society may not understand. Many of my students may feel that they have to push their own culture behind them at school.

The Surrender Tree by Margarita Engle

Engle tells the story of Cuba’s struggle for independence through poetry through the eyes of characters in the middle of the action, mainly Rosa–known to some as a witch for her knowledge of holistic healing with herbs. The story begins with her childhood learning the different powers of flowers and plants, and it follows her as she becomes a nurse to those injured–from both sides–during Cuba’s fight against the Spanish empire. The setting is mainly near the concentration camps where former Cuban slaves were sent. While the poems are mostly from Rosa’s point of view, some are also from the voice of Lieutenant Death, a slave hunter who has a particular vengeance for capturing Rosa. The character of Rosa is based on Rosa Castellanos, an historical heroine known as “la bayamesa”.

This book was both beautiful and devestating. I had forgotten home much I love to read narrative poetry, and how quickly the actual reading goes. The imagery and  just sensations this book oozes are wonderful and terrifying. I went back and re-read some of my favorites. This book is in English, but a Spanish version is also included. Many of my students are hungry to read in their native tongue and lots have family in Cuba. I knew this would be appealing to those kids.

A Long Walk to Water by Linda Sue Park

This is book is a dual narrative about Salva–one of the Sudanese Lost Boys–and Nya. Salva’s true story begins when he is eleven years old in 1985. Salva is separated from his family when fighting comes to his village in Southern Sudan. He has to walk for days in hope to find his family. He struggles to find food and people. He ends up walking for seven years before ending up in a refugee camp. Nya is a fictional character whose story begins in 2008 when she is also eleven years old. She has to walk to a pond that is two hours away twice a day to provide fresh water for her family. Her story emphasizes the lack of clean water in Sudan and the importance of family. In the end, Salva and Nya’s stories cross making a very important push for Salva’s cause of bringing clean water to South Sudan.

This was the first book of the six I read and I remember closing it and thinking, “these books are going to leave me emotionally drained.” I was right. Reading Salva and Nya’s stories was like going on these walks with them. And although I knew Salva survived to create the Water For South Sudan project, I kept thinking, “this is it. He can’t survive this.” I knew this book would appeal to the widest range of students, and since its the shortest, easiest read many of my reluctant readers chose it and are loving it.

Climbing The Stairs by Padma Venkatraman

Vidya is fifteen and dreams of going to college. But she lives in British-occupied India during World War II. Her family is loving and supportive and fairly liberal, encouraging her to be what she wants to be. However tragedy strikes and they are forced to live with ultra-conservative relatives who believe women should remain uneducated, serve men, and wait around to be married to a good family. Vidya is miserable, but she secretly breaks the rules and ventures upstairs to her grandfather’s library to read books she is not supposed to even touch. Here she meets Raman who treats her as an equal. When her brother leaves unexpectedly, Vidya is suddenly forced to think about the political situation in India and what she can do to hold on and make her dreams reality.

This is totally a “girl power” book. Venkatraman bases her characters on family members who have told her stories of growing up in India during this time period, and I was excited to see some of my strongest girls chose this book, and have already commented that they are totally loving it!

Far From Home by Na’ima B Robert

This was the last book I read of the six and I admit to needing to take a break from reading after this one. For one, I had binge-read six historical fictions in less than four weeks. Secondly this one made me think and I just needed the time to reflect before diving into something new.

Part One of Far From Home is Tariro’s story.  She is fourteen years old, lives in Zimbabwe on her ancestral grounds near the baobab tree that she was born under. Her dad is the chief, she is in love with the brave and handsome Nhamo–things couldn’t be better. Then white settlers arrive and violently and tragically drive her and her family out of their home into new areas zoned specifically for the blacks.

Part Two is Katie’s story and takes place twenty-five years later. Katie is also fourteen and lives on a farm in Zimbabwe near the baobab tree. She loves her family, her exclusive boarding school, and her home. Then disaster strikes when the second War for Liberation occurs and natives begin to reclaim their land. She is forced to leave the only hone she has ever known and go back to London with her family.

It was hard for me to feel sorry for Katie at first. Her relatives had been the ones to drive the natives off their land! But as I read, I understood the complexity of it. Katie, herself, had not been involved in the relocation. This home was where she was born and raised. It’s all she knew. Plus as the entire story unfolds she learns about white privilege and humanity.

While it is worlds away from us, there are definite connections with today’s society here in the United States. It’s a more difficult, longer read, so only a few of my higher reading level students are tackling this one, but so far they are enjoying it and I am enjoying the conversations that are coming out of it.

Never Fall Down by Patricia McCormick

This one affected me the most out of all the books. This is the true story of Arn, a survivor from the Cambodia Civil War during the 1970’s. He was eleven years old when the Khmer Rouge invaded his village, killing the upper-class and educated and separating the rest of the people into work camps. Arn was sent to a work camp that was also where they took prisoners and slaughtered them. He was forced to work with almost no food or sleep and witness the horrific murder of many people–some of whom he knew. If the kids reacted, they were also killed. Arn eventually volunteers to become a musician for the propaganda-like revolutionary songs the Khmer Rouge has them play. Later, when the Vietnamese invade to help the people of Cambodia, Arn is forced to join the Khmer Rouge as a child soldier.

I had to keep reminding myself that this story is true, and that Arn does survive and make it to the United States because I kept expecting him to die. Reading this from the lens of a mother and teacher was hard. I found myself putting the book down several times because the imagery was so horrifying. I knew my students would be engrossed in a book about a kid close to their own age having to survive experiences that were too terrible to even imagine. I was right.

All six of these books are about real historical events, many of which we don’t learn about in school. And if we do, it is only briefly covered in a textbook which dates and a few facts. These books humanize the wars and struggles so many children had to endure.

Have you read any of these? Do you have any suggestions to add to this list? (because I am always open to adding more to my To Read pile!)

Climbing Out

It has been six years and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I sat on the edge of our disheveled bed in my pajamas while Cortney got his breakfast ready in the kitchen. My hand shook as I followed the instructions and pushed the appropriate numbers to make an appointment.

“I need to make an appointment for today with Dr. W.”

“What do you need to see her regarding?”

“I think I have postpartum depression.”

“According to our records, you haven’t been in to see Dr. W in over a year, so we will have to process this as a new patient. I’m not sure she will want to see you for this today.”

“I have to come in today. That is why I called at 7am. For a same day appointment.”

“I’ll have to put in a note for her and call you back when she gets in.”

“But I took the day off.”

“We will call you back.”

I hung up and started crying. It was too late to get ready and get to work. Besides, I had already put in for a substitute and made plans. Now what?

At that moment, Cortney came in and asked what time my appointment was. I told him there was no appointment and relayed the conversation I had had with the receptionist.

“That is unacceptable,” he stated angrily.

I cried harder.

“We are calling them back.”

I knew what he was thinking: if I didn’t go in today, I wouldn’t go in. And I had to go in. The night before was one of my worst meltdowns yet and it was the first time I admitted that maybe something was wrong. If I waited, I would change my mind. It had to be today and he wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer.

I’m not sure who called back, but I remember Cortney getting on the phone and demanding an appointment for me…and getting one. Later that day my doctor nodded vigorously as I told her what had been going on: I was mad all the time. I took out all my rage on the people closest to me. I wasn’t sleeping well, but I wanted to sleep all the time. Mostly I was just mad.

She looked at me and said, “normally I would say let’s wait and see, maybe try some therapy, but it’s been nine months of this, right? You did the wait and see on your own. You have postpartum depression, and I am going to suggest an antidepressant along with talk therapy.”

Sometimes I look back and hate that day. My postpartum depression and generalized anxiety are full-blown depression and anxiety (with some OCD on the side) now. Some people have PPD and it goes away. Mine has stuck around. Sometimes that makes me mad.

But mostly I look back on that day as the day I got my life back. The day Cortney got his wife back. The day Eddie got his mom back. That is the day a team formed around me: my doctors, therapist, psychiatrist, family, and friends. That was when I found out who was going to stay with me; the ones who said, “let’s tackle this thing together!”

That was the day I found out I don’t have to do anything in this life alone.

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I credit the internet for helping me know what to look for because I never, ever would have connected my rage to depression. I thought that being mad all the time was just how I felt about having a child–I thought that was what motherhood felt like. I was totally wrong. Katherine Stone and the other warrior mommas of Postpartum Progress saw my blog post about it and rallied around me immediately. Because of them and Lauren’s (of My Postpartum Voice#ppdchat on twitter, I was able to connect with hundreds of women who were just like me–going through the same thing as me.

When I had Charlie, they were right there for me: listening to my fears about my PPD coming back, supporting me as I tried (and failed) to go off my meds during my pregnancy, virtually hugging me and praying for me when I relapsed in the months after Charlie’s birth.  They were there through my pregnancy with Alice. They have celebrated with me as I have avoided a new relapse this time around.

Postpartum Progress is a non-profit that supports thousands of women around the world–including me. Katherine Stone and her staff advocate tirelessly for better support and less stigma related to mental health issues specifically surrounding postpartum women–including me. Their advocacy has saved lives–including mine.

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In 2013, Postpartum Progress started a Climb Out event where participants do a climb in their area to raise money and awareness for Postpartum Progress and their advocacy programs. The first climb had 177 participants in 40 states and 7 countries and raised $40,000. Last year the climb had 2,500 participants in 45 states and 5 countries and raised $230,000.

This year I am doing the climb.

I’m doing it to give back to Katherine and Postpartum Progress for helping me get my life back.

I’m doing it to show my kids that I am strong and healthy (and Cortney and the kids are doing it with me!)

I’m doing it to celebrate NO PPD with Alice.

I’m doing it to celebrate surviving.

I’m doing it because I think back at how uninformed and scared and angry and just sad I was six years ago sitting with my hands between my knees in my doctor’s office. I was afraid to say anything. I thought I was a terrible person.

At times, I wanted to relieve my family of the burden of me.

Did you know that the second leading cause of death for postpartum women is suicide?

That could have been me.

But it wasn’t.

So I am celebrating.

If you want to support my Climb or join our team climbing in Grand Haven, Michigan, you can visit my fundraiser page here. The Climb takes place on June 18 (our eleventh anniversary!) and our whole family will be participating!

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Spring Break Day 10

Well, we survived. Today was the last day of spring break; tomorrow we go back to the reality of work, school, and daycare.

Today started out with what sounded like rain on the window, but was actual a rain/ice mix. Nobody felt like moving. The boys slept in (for them) and played nicely and quietly. Alice slept later than usual. Cortney came in and asked if I wanted to keep sleeping or go to church. I had to teach Children in Worship this morning, but we decided to just play hooky from church. I KNOW! We are living on the edge!

Eddie decided to come to Children in Worship too, so we thought we should treat ourselves to Starbucks after church. Ed even chose a cake pop for his little brother. Aw.

The rest of the day was totally low-key. Cortney got groceries and paid bills. We did laundry and naps were taken. We had Chinese food for dinner.

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And now you’ll have to excuse me. I have bags and lunches to prep for tomorrow and a little couch time before hitting the hay.

Spring break 2016 is over and out! Eight more weeks of school until summer break!

Spring Break Days 8 & 9

I didn’t post yesterday, but it’s ok because really yesterday and today go together.

Two years ago, we took a four-and-a-half-year-old Eddie to Chicago for two nights. A two-year-old Charlie stayed with my parents. It was such a fun trip and he mentioned over and over that maybe next time Charlie could come along. This year since Charlie is now four, we thought we would take both boys overnight to Gurnee (north of Chicago) so we could go to Gurnee Mills and do Rain forest Cafe and the Lego store. Alice stayed with my parents.

It was fun, but Cortney and I think perhaps we should have waited one more year. Charlie was a little, um, maybe not ready?

Yesterday started off quite challenging. The boys would NOT calm down. They were over-excited and just bickery about everything. Charlie has no concept of how long minutes and hours are, so although I kept telling him that Dad Dad had to work until after lunch, he whined and carried on that he wanted to leave now.

By the time the boys and I went to drop Alice off to my parents’ house, I was ready to call the whole thing off. But I didn’t.

When we finally left around 2pm, it didn’t take long for the boys to pass out. Glorious.

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I will say this about our kids: they road trip well. We don’t have a DVD player in my truck nor did we bring any electronic devices. I packed some activities like coloring books and dinosaurs, but I never had to get any of it out. The boys are content to sleep or just ride. Due to the excitement, there was some fussing for the last 30 minutes or so, but overall I am pretty impressed.

Also Charlie never needed to pee the entire three hours there or back. Kid has an iron bladder.

The boys totally waltzed into our hotel ready for the pool: Eddie had on his goggles and Charlie had on his goggles and life jacket. Over his clothes.

We needed dinner first though, and since Cortney and I stayed in this hotel last year for our anniversary, we knew their restaurant was super yum.

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They made chocolate for the boys (they only had white milk, but our server was all “I bet we have hershey’s syrup!”) and everyone who saw him complimented Charlie on his life jacket. We really love the staff there. Every single person on payroll there was amazing to not just Cortney and me, but to the boys as well. And if you know Charlie, you know he most definitely had a few moments that were not compliment-worthy. So…if you’re ever in Gurnee and need a hotel, we highly recommend the Hilton Garden Inn.

After dinner it was POOL TIME.

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The way these two acted, you would think the three hour drive was all about swimming in a hotel pool. We did learn from our last trip with Eddie, that it’s a giant part of what is fun for kids when you go anywhere. The other stuff is secondary at this age. Really we could have just gone to the Hampton down the street from our house overnight and if they got to swim in the pool, they would have called it the best vacation ever.

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Charlie kept talking about how he hoped they had a “little pool” for him because he is rather cautious when it comes to water and big pools make him nervous. I couldn’t remember if they had a hot tub or not, but everyone was thrilled to see that yes, yes they did. Cortney and I even got in there. It was pretty glorious. Eddie very quickly tired of the hot tub, and upon realizing the “big pool” was four feet at it’s deepest point, he ditched his life jacket.

That’s right, my boy is over four-feet tall. Sigh.  Plus he’s had enough swimming lessons that we felt cool with that.

Because of the time change, it was well past their normal bedtime by the time we got upstairs and in jammies. The boys had a little snack and we watched the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. When it was time for lights out, Cortney and I learned within five minutes that the boys were definitely NOT going to be able to sleep together. So Cort and Charlie switched.

And then Cortney and I found out that Eddie’s warning of, “Dad. Just so you know, I move around a little in my sleep,” applies to both of them and is very, VERY understating the very real aerobics both boys do in their sleep.

So no one slept well.

Then everyone woke up cranky. Cortney, being the upstanding guy he is, offered to take the two hooligans downstairs for breakfast so I could snooze a bit longer. The story I got back was not a good one and involved two of the three of them rolling around trying to kill each other in the lobby.

So then they went swimming again.

2016-04-09 10.06.22That was going, well swimmingly, until Charlie’s fingers got caught in a very heavy bathroom door. Then there was screaming and more tears and I said silent prayers that we were, again, the only ones in the pool area.

Cortney took Charlie up to the room and I let Ed swim a bit longer. When we got upstairs, Charlie was all red-eyed, but hunkered in the bed watching cartoons.

We decided to get everyone ready, check out, and head to the Rain Forest Cafe for lunch, hit the Lego store, and book it on home.

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I was nervous about Mr. Bird since he was two for two on terrible restaurant behavior, but he was quite taken with the Rain Forest Cafe. Everything was AWESOME!

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Eddie didn’t like the loud noises…or the elephant butts I made him stand by for a photo opportunity. Whatever, dude. You are not too cool for elephant butts.

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Finally we got to the Lego store. Cortney took Ed and I took Charlie and we set off to find them some treasures ($25 or under) to take home. Charlie chose a Lego Junior set with a firefighting helicopter and motorcycle while Eddie chose a small Angry Birds set and a small Ninjago set. Cortney got himself the Lincoln Monument. I didn’t get a treasure, but that is because my mom bought me the Big Bang Theory set for my birthday last week.

It was then time for the trip home. The boys both slept all the way through Chicago, waking just as we were getting to the Skyway.

They were super good on the drive home, but started to get antsy to get their sister and get home. I couldn’t blame them, I missed having my little partner around.

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While it’s hard to say “IT WAS GREAT!” about the trip now, I think it was. We had some challenging moments for sure, but I think it was good for the boys to have us totally focused on them–they each had a parent. Plus both boys said to each other more than once, “You’re my best bud, right? We are trip buds!” And that is awesome. That is how brothers should feel about each other. Even if they also want to pound each other.

So while Cortney may not agree with me yet, I am calling this endeavor a success.

One more day off and the it’s back to our regularly scheduled life.

Spring Break Day 7

I did it again! I had a day without children and I cleaned and organized!

Ok, so the day didn’t start with a massive sleep in today, though. The kids weren’t due at their respective fun until 9:00ish, so at 7:00am (THANK YOU, CHILDREN!) everyone was up and clamoring for breakfast. In fact, there was so much of the I’M HUNGRY! that you would swear we didn’t feed them dinner the night before…and we totally did.

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Charlie even ate a ton! It’s a win all around. Oh, and yes, Charlie is shirtless and Eddie is wearing a winter hat. Both for no apparent reason other than it was breakfast time.

They were quite, um, full of it this morning, so after some voice raising, everyone got cleaned up, dressed, and was ready to go by 8:45am. We dropped Alice off at daycare, then headed over to my parents’ house where the boys were going to spend the day with grandpa. After getting them inside, Ed informed me I could leave. He did not have to tell me twice.

I dropped off all the loot I cleaned out of Alice’s closet on Tuesday to Good Will and then stopped for some Starbucks. Once home, I enjoyed my coffee and a little Today Show.

Then I gathered up my trash bags, tunes, and beverage and headed downstairs to the two scariest rooms in the house: The boys’ room and the toy room.

Eddie and Charlie's room before

Eddie and Charlie’s room before

Now, to be fair, Charlie extra-trashed the room the day before and I didn’t bother doing anything about it because I knew I would be cleaning and organizing today, so this is a little worse than normal. But the closet, yeah, that is just how it was. So much stuff.

Last weekend I went through and took out all the boy clothes that don’t fit Charlie anymore and gave them to our nephews. And yes, it still looked like this despite cleaning out two tubs of clothing. QUIT JUDGING ME!

Ahem.

Anyway, someone asked me on Facebook today how I tackle something like this. First, I try not to let it get like this. But we are just coming out of the Baby Days, so there was a lot built up that could finally be purged. I have been looking forward to this day for a long time.

Anyway, I just start. In the boys’ room I started with the books/toy cubbies. I organized all the books and weeded out all the broken or ‘what the heck is this?’ toys from the three toy cubbies. I then sorted them into Duplos, Bey Blades, and Misc.

Then I made the beds. Right there made it feel like I had half the room done. The easy half.

So then I just kept going around the room. Next up was the toy box. Then the dresser. Then the craft area (hint: I threw away 2/3 and only put back 1/3). Then the closet. We still store quite a bit in there, but not as much as before thanks to my lack of attachment to things that we haven’t used in who knows how long.

So here is the after…

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I three three bags of garbage away out of this room. Most of it was “art”. I hauled another bag+ out to be donated.

Cortney came home shortly after I finished this room, so I took a break for lunch.

Then it was time to face the beast: The Toy Room.

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I have no good excuse for this. The boys’ room I actually tidy up from time to time, but I just close the closet. Out of sight, out of mind. This room? I just don’t go in it. I avoid it. Then it ends up looking like this.

Charlie has a bad habit of bringing toys upstairs to play with and then when told to bring them back down, they just get set in the room rather than put where they belong. Also all his birthday presents were “set” in here. And there are things that just don’t get played with or are broken.

So again, I just picked a place and started. In here, I began with the couches and the coffee table and worked toward the mega-mess-center. Then I worked my way around the train table. I had all the totes set out for sorting plus a trash bag for dump and one for donate.

I filled another trash bag and two more donation bags. I found homes for all Charlie’s new toys either in their closet (all that space!) or in the freed up space from donating things.

Ninety minutes later…

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The entire house now needs a really good vacuuming, but at least the carpet is visible to do so.

The boys were hilarious when they saw the downstairs. Both ran around yelling that I am the best mom ever. Huh. I just had to clean up their horrendous mess to get that title? Who knew?

They all must have had a big day because they all zoned out after dinner until bedtime.

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Which I was totally cool with because I am exhausted and Cortney had bowling tonight. Now…if everyone can sleep until 7am again tomorrow…

yeah, that probably won’t happen two days in a row. But I can dream, right?

Thirty-Great

I don’t remember my 18th birthday.

There are a lot of details from that spring that have simply just left my memory. It was such a busy time: turning eighteen, senior year, graduation, college stuff. But I can tell you what I wasn’t thinking about: what twenty years into the future would look like.

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I never could have imagined what my life would look like as I waited to cross that stage to get my diploma. I didn’t even know what the next six months would be like!

There was a time when I thought getting older and being an adult was the worst thing ever. I wanted to stay young and seemingly invincible for as long as I could. The day I turned twenty, my brother called me and said, “Happy birthday, Old Sister. Don’t break a hip now that you are not an invincible teenager anymore.”

I laughed, but part of me believed that being in my twenties meant I was a grown-up. Oh, how that makes me laugh now! My early twenties were still filled with rented apartments with friends, bar nights to play darts, and sleeping until 1oam because I had nothing before 11am. Ever. Not exactly being a grown up.

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I really had no idea.

On Easter day I turned thirty-eight. Thirty-eight was OLD to me back then. Thirty-eight meant the party was over and it was time to go through the Boring Years.

I had thirty-eight all wrong.

There is nothing boring about being thirty-eight.

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In fact, if you have been following along this week as a chronicle the life and times of the Sluiters on spring break, you know that even boring days are not really boring. No, we are not out whooping it up on a beach somewhere, but life still stays interesting.

I found my very first journal the other day cleaning my closet. One of the entries I read through said something like, “everyone says adolescence is the toughest time in someone’s life, but I really think it’s your early twenties. I mean, who the hell am I and who am I going to end up being? It’s like hanging out in a big ass question mark.”

And that was just it. While I did a lot of silly ridiculous things in my teens and twenties, it was also like living out of boxes after you move…not permanent. Not settled.

I hate hate that feeling. Things need a place, a home. I had disorganization; it makes me feel scattered and anxious. Under the mad fun I was having, was a ball of anxiety and nerves. I was stuck between stupid kid and young adult.

Don’t get me wrong, those years were fun. But I never want to do them over again.

Being in my 30’s has been scary, life-changing, and definitely not boring. All three of my kids were born between my 31st and 37th years. I’ve hit my stride professionally. I’ve read more books in my 30’s than I did in my teens and 20’s combined. I’ve traveled by plane across the country alone. Twice.

I’ve learned a ton about myself in therapy and through writing. Through being Cortney’s wife and Eddie, Charlie, and Alice’s mom.

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Although I now openly talk about my struggles with anxiety and depression, I am much freer than I was back when I wrote that journal entry. I know myself better. I know how to get my thoughts more focused and what to do when I need to calm down due to anxiety. I know what works and what triggers.

Plus I am no longer moving every single fall like in college (two dorm rooms, a house with four other girls, two apartments, and a house my grandparents owned all in less than six years).

Being thirty-eight might be more settled, but it’s most definitely not boring.

Reminder: Tickets are on sale now for the Listen To Your Mother: Southwest Michigan show that I am a part of!

ps. remember my 38 before 38 challenge? You helped me pass that! I received 42 books for my classroom library! THANK YOU!

ps. remember my 38 before 38 challenge? You helped me pass that! I received 42 books for my classroom library! THANK YOU!

Spring Break Day 5: Alice’s Closet

All three kids went to daycare today, so yes, that was the sound of angels singing you heard around 7am this morning as they all left and I continued to sleep.

Apparently writing about my Charlie Bird unleashed a massive flood of worries and anxieties and I slept terribly last night. I woke up around 3am crying. My body was very thankful for the extra hours of sleep and then lazing around I let it do this morning.

By 11am, however, being lazy was getting over-rated and I felt the need to be productive.

After a glance at my To Do List, I knew what needed to be tackled while all the kids were gone: Alice’s closet.

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We bought our house in December of 2004, and I moved in right away. Cortney did not join me until after we were married in June 2005, but his stuff started moving in right away.

This room was our office/spare room and this closet was the only finished closet space other than our own and the linen closet in the hallway, so it became our first storage spot. As the years wore on, things only got shoved into this closet, not removed. The boys both called this closet sort of theirs when this room became a nursery first to Eddie in 2009 and then to Charlie in 2012.

Now it is Alice’s closet. And it’s a total poop show.

Or it was.

I tackled that thing in a way I have not cleaned it in all the years we have lived here.  And I found things.

I found my very first journal That I started in January of 1997–my freshman year in college. In my very first entry, I mentioned needing to write things down because my thoughts jump around and I can’t talk out my thoughts and feelings because when I get to talking about them, I no longer feel them and can’t remember what I thought. I also mentioned that I was writing to calm down because I had some anxiety about going out that night.

Huh. I guess some things never change.

I also flipped through some of the other entries and was brought back to a lot of angst and “boy problems” and conflict with my parents in my late-teens/early-twenties. So I closed that and set it aside to join the rest of my journals.

I found a shoebox full of all the things I had kept on my desk in college including pez dispensers, post cards, hand drawn thank you carts, senior pictures, and silly newspaper cartoons.

I found the diaper bag Cortney bought me on Valentine’s Day before Eddie was born.

I found all the bottles (aside from the ones Alice is currently using).

I found my Dutch Dance Costume (don’t even ask).

I found five of the ten bridesmaid dresses I have worn (the other five, along with my old prom dresses, live at my mom’s. MOM, GET RID OF THEM!) and all the dyed shoes that went with them.

I found a copy of Ramona the Brave.

I found all the cards from our weddings and the bridal showers.

I found my wedding dress and the massive slip that went with it.

I found my old backpack (it sort of smelled like vomit. Ew.)

I found my graduation gown from my undergrad ceremony, my Master’s gown, and Cortney’s cap, gown, and tassel.

I found two black leather jackets.

I found even more than that, but I don’t have the time nor the space to list it all.

Most of it got donated, some of it got relocated to a better keepsake spot, a few things got thrown away.

I organized three tubs of girls clothes that were donated to Alice: 2T/24 months, 3T, and 4T+.  And I stored the few 18 month items I have in her dresser for when she has her next growth spurt.

It took me two and a half hours, the Pearl Jam station on Google music, two cups of coffee, a large glass of diet coke, and a granola bar, but I finished it.

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The only things in here now are Alice’s things, our wedding keepsakes, and a few other things that are not there on a permanent basis.

Alice has her own closet space now.

I have lots of fodder for writing.

And Thursday I plan to tackle the boys’ closet.

Send more coffee.

Spring Break Day 4 & Charlie’s Tummy

I was not wrong about them getting up early.  Lord help me, they were up by about 6:15am. The good thing is that Cortney was up and getting ready for work so I heard nothing until he left. Then all the things were VERY IMPORTANT and required my immediate intervention and attention.

I believe I was waving the white flag and crying by 9:30am.

Did I mention I am not good at the stay-at-home mom gig?

There was no pee anywhere but in toilets today and no vomit, so there is a bright side, I suppose.

The boys were…”brotherly” today. They would find something to do and do it nicely for about ten minutes. Then there would be shouting followed by things being thrown, maybe a punch or kick or something. Then the tattling. Then the separation and refereeing while trying to contain the situation.  Then the lull. Then they find each other and something to do and it all repeats. About 30 times in one hour.

Alice is usually my little bright spot, but she was a whiney, clingy mess today. Girlfriend sat outside the bathroom door and had an all out cry-fest while I peed today.

Parenting these kids can be challenging. I know I’ve said as much about Charlie in particular. And lately we have been a little concerned about our little Bird.

Today I took him to the doctor.

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You see, our little guy has all but quit eating.

I know, I know. He’s four. Picky eating is a phase.

And that is what we said too…two months ago.

But our little guy has also been acting out even more–to the point where we are a little nervous he might hurt one of us in his fits by throwing something or hitting his brother. He’s even bitten Eddie pretty hard.

Cortney and I constantly talk about wanting to be aware of signs that something is wrong with our kids without jumping to the doctor over “normal” things and being helicopter parents. Doing the right thing constantly feels like a little dance on a very thin line.

So we gave it some time.

After all, Cortney had been a very rage-filled kid himself and went through a phase where all he would eat was hot dogs. He’s fine.

But after more than a month of Charlie’s eating going from only cheese sandwiches to practically nothing but chocolate milk, we felt we needed to reach out to the doctor. Our doc is our family doctor. We all go to him because we really like his no-nonsense attitude and that he doesn’t just push tests and meds at us in lieu of really listening. So when he said he would like to see Charlie ASAP and not wait the eight weeks until his well-child, we made the appointment.

Our suspicions were confirmed when he stepped on the scale. He weighs 37 pounds. Only a pound more than last year, but he’s grown an inch and a half. He is still within the standard deviation on his growth chart, but coupled with some of his behavioral things, our doc was glad we came in.

Also like his father, Charlie is not a big talker about his feelings. If something hurts, he is likely not to tell us unless it’s bleeding or dangling off his body. So there is a very real chance his tummy could be bothered and he won’t tell us.

As a baby, he had reflux (and never cried about it because he’s iron man, apparently), so the least invasive thing to try is some reflux meds. There is also the chance he would have an allergy or intolerance, but without any rashes or respiratory stuff, that is also hard to tell without him complaining. To find that out would be more invasive and uncomfortable.

There are also some chances that he has some emotional stuff that is causing him to not want to eat and to act out. If that is the case, he may need to do some therapy, but it was suggested that we find out as much about how Cortney acted and what his mom and dad did as we can.

And it’s possible it’s all just normal four-year-old with a strong personality middle child stuff.

That is the one I am hoping for.

Charlie was a brave, good little dude for the doctor, so we stopped for a cake pop on the way home and he insisted on getting one for his big brother too.

He was very cuddly and lovey with me for the rest of the day. I know he knows I am worried and he is doing his best to show me he loves me.

It’s hard to be four. It’s hard to be in the middle. It’s hard to have big feelings.

Today was a challenge.

Tomorrow will be better.

Tomorrow is new.

 

Spring Break Day 3

Remember how yesterday started with vomit? Today started with pee.

Last night Alice had a pretty hard time going to sleep. Then Eddie had a bad dream and Cortney went down to console him (aka lay by him) and Alice cried a few more times. We were tired. So when Eddie came into our room by 6:30am this morning with the news that his brother had peed on him and on his blanket “just because” Cortney was not having any of it.

Sure enough. Charlie had peed on the carpet, on Eddie, and on Eddie’s blanket because he “wanted to be mean.”

What in the world?

And thus started our Sunday.

Somehow we all managed to get out of the house by 9:45am without killing each other and made it to church mostly on time.

After church we came home and changed our clothes and started some laundry and then packed up to go to my parents’ house. They were in Mexico the whole week before Easter (which was also my birthday), so we didn’t get together to celebrate. My mom had my brothers and their families over too and made all my favorite foods. I opened a few presents and the kids acted mostly good. Eddie is at the lovely phase where he gets sassy when we ask him to change what he is doing. So he lost some screen time over that, but like I said, mostly good. I was happy.

When we got home everybody was crabby because we had missed nap.

So we took naps.  Well, Alice did. And because he tried to bite his brother, Charlie did too. I dozed off for about ten or fifteen minutes before Cortney informed me it was after 5:00pm and maybe the children shouldn’t keep sleeping.

Everyone was still stuffed from such a huge late lunch, so we had a very light, grazing dinner.

Kids were all in bed at regular time with reminders that we don’t have school tomorrow so PLEASE DO NOT GET UP BEFORE 7:00!

They are getting up early, aren’t they?

Sigh.

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