Chemo Round 9

Passed the halfway mark and took Round 9 of chemotherapy this past week.

It went fine. Not much to report. Doc said my blood counts look good. I have a weird rash she was concerned might be shingles, so she gave me a prescription for that. Then I was plugged in and got my poison and went on home. My mom visited with Cortney and I while I sat there again this week which was nice.

I’m also three weeks into the school year at this point. My PhD class started this week. The boys started school this week, and today Charlie had his first soccer game.

I am not doing well.

I was. I was fine. Well, I am fine. Physically fine.

But I am emotional and tired and not sure how to ask for help because I am not sure what to ask for.

The hair on my head that didn’t fall out (there is some up there) is growing, but it looks fuzzy and weird. My eyebrows have almost completely fallen out. I’m never fully comfortable about how I look, despite the kind words that continue to show up (although finding out from a parent at my school that two of my 8th grade girls think I look beautiful was definitely a pick-me-up!)

Did I mention I am tired?

Tired is hard for me. It makes me crabby and inpatient and, well…I guess most people get that way too.

I don’t know how to rest more. If I go to bed early or nap during the weekend, I’m not getting something done. But guess what? I’m usually too tired to get stuff done anyway, so I just lie there in the evenings watching TV. And if I do get a nap, my mind will work overtime at night and I won’t sleep then. It’s a pretty un-fun spiral.

Even reading isn’t fun to me right now.

I think that means I have a bit of the depression going on. I went from a TON of anxiety and being overwhelmed, to feeling like I could handle everything (maybe even well), to feeling tired and like it’s all too much.

And that makes me sad.

People keep asking me how I’m feeling, and I’ve started answering, “fine!” because I don’t know how to put into words what I’m feeling without it being a big therapy session that nobody asked for.

So. I am fine.

But also not.

But I don’t know what you can do about that because I have a great support system, words of encouragement constantly coming in, and random pies showing up (thanks, Gram!). It feels like something is wrong with me that despite all that, I still feel….off. I still want to cry and sleep.

So that is where I am right now.

Round 9/16 Done.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. I’m sorry. It’s hard when most of what you do need help with is stuff that essentially has to be done by you usually. However, I’m certain you have people in your life who will even do the stuff that you don’t think anyone wants to help with. Laundry, cleaning, driving kids. <3

Speak Your Mind

*