Summer FOMO

FOMO. Fear of Missing Out.

Mix in a little Paranoia that Nobody Likes Us and you get my signature summer mental cocktail: Fear of Missing Out because Nobody Likes Us.

It’s not as tasty as it sounds.

Around May I start getting the itch for the long, lazy days. Warm, but not too warm. Slight breeze. Beers under our tree. Books in the sun on the deck.

School lets out and I allow myself to indulge in these things a little–mostly on the weekends. June however brings a whole lot of busy-ness. We have Eddie’s birthday and our anniversary. And at some point in the spring, I start saying, “let’s wait until school’s out in June to do that.” Suddenly it’s June and all “that” hits us.

Glances onto social media show family and friends at beaches, on boats, in pools, and at cottages. They are making memories. I’m wiping up lunch crumbs and telling kids to get outside so they don’t wake their sister.

A few open weekends allow for us to do some much-needed outside housework. Cortney checks a bunch of stuff off his list, cracks a beer, and feels good about it. I log on to Facebook and inform him about what everyone else is doing.

“Do you think people don’t like us? Are we downers? It’s me, isn’t it? The boys? They are always fighting. No one wants us along. Or maybe they forget we exist.”

He has been sitting, leaning his head back with his eyes closed, listening to me blather. He lifts his his head, scrunches his eyebrows, and says, “I don’t think that’s it.”

He’s probably right. After all, isn’t this what we wanted? Time to get stuff down and to be able to sit back and relax after we did it?

But neither of us has put on a bathing suit yet this summer. It’s July. We live within throwing distance of lakes. We have friends and family with boats and beaches and pools.

“Do you even WANT to go to all those places every weekend?” He asks me?

“Not really. I like to sit in peace and quiet.”

“Then why…mmmm.” He doesn’t finish. Just lays his head back again and shuts his eyes. He worked hard today and is probably sore.

“But I would like the chance. It looks fun.”

I hate getting the kids all ready to go somewhere fun. I hate the stomach I give myself imagining every single worst case scenario. I hate how I talk too much when I am finally with people. I hate that I don’t listen to others better. I hate that it’s my kids rolling around screaming at each other. I hate it when people say, “they are fine. It’s fine!” because I can’t even believe them.

It’s not fine to me.

I hate the hot tears and nauseated stomach and tight chest that all threaten to take me down in front of people.

But sometimes it is super fun. Sometimes the kids and my brain cooperate. Sometimes I am able to relax.

On a Saturday night, Cortney will sit down and turn on a ball game. I put my feet in his lap and flip through social media on my phone. Everyone is out doing something fun: outdoor concerts, beer tasting, movies, dinner and drinks out.

I’ll tell Cortney what everyone is doing.

“Mmm hmmm. Sounds fun,” he will say as he either flips through is phone or watches the game.

“I wonder how come we weren’t invited. Do you think no one likes us?”

“No. That is not it.”

I know I frustrate him with our paranoia. He points out that then we would have to find a sitter. It’s hard to do that and we feel guilty asking our parents and our regular sitter so dang often as it is. I also have a hard time feeling Ok about spending money on fun stuff like that all the time.

“It would be fun, but it comes with having to set it all up and that stresses you out.”

He’s not wrong.

I’m known to wish for invites, but when I get them go back and forth about whether I really want to go. I am known to bail at the last minute, and then take a nap because I have stressed myself out so badly. I’ve been known to accept and get super grumpy with my whole family while we get ready. My stomach eats me from the inside out.

But sometimes we end up having fun. Sometimes everything aligns and I don’t freak out and my stomach and brain stay under control and we laugh and have a wonderful time.

I don’t know where I’m going with this other than to say that my brain is always trying to make me miserable, I think. I mean, I know things logically, but my brain tries to override the logic with feelings of self-doubt and paranoia. It’s dumb. And also if you are like this, you’re not alone.

And people probably don’t hate our guts.

And maybe I should just stay off Facebook in the summer so I don’t see what I’m missing. Because really, we have a pretty good time here.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Thank you for being brave enough to write this. I think a lot of people feel this way. I know I do.

  2. It’s true the social media esasserbates all of this! I’ve been trying to be better about inviting people to do things w us. I’m always on the go. Sometimes I need to remind myself to sit and relax!!!

  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! THANK YOU for posting this. I felt crushed under the weight of June and panicked and realized it was already July and we have planned for almost no official “activities” and with 3 kids it’s just a freaking hassle to even consider a day trip, but then I feel like I’m depriving my children. Especially when I look at Facebook. Always when I look at Facebook. My husband pretends Facebook doesn’t exist and does a lot of “mm hmmm”ing when I bring it up and he’s super patient about the whole thing, but I know it tries his patience that I freak out the way I do. I really appreciate your ability to put it into words…it’s such a relief to know I’m not alone in this! THANK YOU.

  4. You and I are the same – I sat home on July 4th but that’s because I like to sit in and read and drink wine and catch up on TV all by myself instead of go to a party or host a party or go to see fireworks or eat watermelon and ribs or wear a flag shirt or swim in a creek. My kids and husband went to parties and played recreational sports while I sat in various chairs and sofas in and around our house.

    Everyone always looks like thy are having fun because that’s what they put on Facebook and that’s what they Tweet about and that’s what they post on Instagram because we all think wiping up lunch crumbs is boring.

    But we all do it, every single day.

    I don’t mind seeing what everyone else is up to, but it’s always with a grain of salt. When I see all the beach pics and beer festivals and awesome cookouts it makes me feel like I’m looking in on a party from the outside, which is exactly how social media is set up to make us ALL feel.

    Which is why we all only post the fun parts, and never the lunch crumbs. xoxo
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