love languages

Are you familiar with the five love languages?


Well it turns out, my love language is gifts, and I have been sort of embarrassed about that since I took that dumb quiz and found out. I mean, doesn’t that make me seem greedy and superficial if the way to my heart is buying me stuff?

But you know what? It’s true. The thing that makes me feel loved is getting gifts. But it’s not the actual gift  that matters. As cliche as it is, it truly is the thought.

It means someone either thought of me and wanted to get me something, OR someone saw something and immediately thought of me. Knowing that I was thought of even when I wasn’t there makes me feel good.

I don’t even really need the gift. Sometimes a text message is a gift. Or a picture sent to me of something that brings me to mind.

I’m not talking about getting showered in jewelry and extravagant clothes or electronics. I mean the grocery store flowers Cortney buys on a whim because they are full or oranges and yellows and he knows those are my favorite flower colors.

Or package of Oreos that suddenly appears in the pantry because he knows I’ll want a little treat after a hard day.

It’s the unexpected jar of homemade soup that The Preacher’s Wife sets down next to me in my pew at church with only a quick hug.

It’s the hilarious pin my best friend sends to me because when she sees a borderline inappropriately funny saying, she thinks of me.

It’s the book someone sends to me for my classroom because they know that is one of my biggest passions.

It’s the carefully selected Christmas or birthday gift from a family member or friend…not because they are required to get me anything, but because they know something special from them will make me smile.

To be fair, scoring very close to gifts is “words” as my runner-up love language. This is probably because I see verbal “pats on the back” to be something that people tend to leave unsaid, but that can make all the difference when they are said.

“You’re doing a great job.”

“You are a great mom.”

“You are a wonderful teacher.”

“I appreciate you.”

Gifts and words are also my preferred way to let someone know I love them and am thinking about them as well. I would love to be able to afford to send every one of my friends and family members carefully selected gifts on their birthdays or to warm their new houses or to celebrate the successes or just to let them know I am thinking about them, but due to finances, I usually have to rely on my words and hope they are enough.

I’ve tried to change my love language to something easier for other people. It seems so demanding to “need” presents or constant affirmations. I’ve tried to be a “touchy feely” person. But oh my goodness. No. (Sorry, Cortney).

I’ve tried to take the gift of time, but that never works out. Yes, I appreciate spending time with people…I even love it. But as an introvert, I re-energize by being on my own (and not touched).

Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who definitely thrive on time, acts, and touch–very extroverty friends. And it’s cool. I love to do things with them, do things for them, and hug them.

But if you are reaching out to love me? I respond more to gifts and words.

And I’m deciding right now that it’s ok.

So what is your love language? Do you find it hard to love someone who has totally different love needs than you?

About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.


  1. I have a feeling my love language may be very similar for the same reasons. I love to give gifts and make people smile, even if it is just a small thing. The same goes for receiving gifts.

  2. Shoot. I suck at gifts. Like….I’m the worst.
    I LOVE people but I never know what to get them.
    Ever. And I hate shopping.

    Maybe my kindness can be a gift?
    I hope so because otherwise I’m screwed.


  3. Gifts are my love language, too!!

  4. I think this is the most brilliant concept. I’ve tried it with so many in my life and they all fit somewhere in the language circle, and it really does make relationships smoother once you know. I am Acts of Service. I always feel bad when someone gives me a gift – like they should not have spent their money on me – I hate to be fussed over with compliments and stuff too. Although kindness and encouragement is always nice. I love to give hugs, but then I need my space. LOL I do enjoy time and up to a certain point I am a delight… and then, okay – I need to go now. (hello fellow introverts – it doesn’t mean we are shy!!)
    But if you come over and help me paint my walls – I will love you forever. 🙂