ramblings of a pregnant mother

I haven’t written much about this pregnancy.

Sorry, Alice.

In the beginning, when I had time, we weren’t public with it and I was sick as a dog. Once I was free to write all I wanted, I was so busy I wasn’t sure if I was wearing pants most days (I assume I was, or someone would have said something. I hope). Then when I was aching to write, my dang blog broke for almost a month.  It’s back. Sort of. I still can’t post pictures.

This pregnancy has been…different.

I am not sure how to put into words how it’s been different though. I was super sick in the beginning, just like with the boys, but it was different. Less puking, more inability to do anything.

With the boys, I worried about the typical things–probably more so with Eddie since he was my first pregnancy to make it past 10 weeks. With Alice, I have been a ball of anxiety. I was terrified they would find something wrong at the ultrasound.  I was sure something was wrong because I didn’t feel her move much (now she is out of control, just like Charlie was). Before that 20-week ultrasound, I couldn’t shake a feeling of dread.

Thankfully the ultrasound and the confirmation that everything looks “just right” from the OB has almost entirely wiped out that feeling that something is just not right.

Up until the ultrasound I was just not letting myself engage in this pregnancy. It felt an awful lot like my first two pregnancies that didn’t make it.

It was not until I saw her–found out that she was a SHE–and saw that all her organs and limbs were normal. That my placenta was normal. That my cervix and ovaries all looked normal.  It was not until then that I settled in to the idea that Alice is our third baby. She is the last piece of the puzzle that is Sluiter Nation.

I began to think of pink and purple and ruffle buns and lace. I began to dream of a three generation photo with my mom, me, and Alice.

I still start to laugh when I remember that the baby growing inside me, wiggling and kicking and hiccuping, is not a boy.

The ultrasound tech had asked if we wanted to know the gender and we had said, “yes!”

She was busy measuring bones and checking organs. She was measuring the femurs and I knew that we would be able to see what was there (or not there) soon because we were in the lap region. At first baby’s legs were right together. Then suddenly they parted. The tech froze the image and said, “what do you think?”

“There are no boy parts there!” I almost yelled.

“nope,” she said with a sly smile.

“So…it’s a girl?” I asked all confused. I mean, I KNOW what it means to not have boy parts, but don’t we have boys? Isn’t that what we do? I was so confused. I had been thinking of my third boy for a long time.

“It’s a girl,” she confirmed.

I started laughing. Hard. I started laughing so hard, in fact, that my belly was jiggling and she has to wait to continue her measurements. Tears were in my eyes from laughter. I looked over at Cortney and noticed he was also wiping away a few tears, but his weren’t because he was cracking up. That made me laugh harder. Not at him, but because…a GIRL. A DAUGHTER. How could this be real?

It’s been almost two weeks and I still can’t quite believe that a little girl will be joining this family.

I have a lot of thoughts, both funny and serious, about this thing that I will be: A Girl Mom. Hopefully I will write them out.

In the meantime, I am going to go ahead and give in to my cravings for Skinny Pop popcorn, Oreos, and coffee.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. I get it – or maybe I don’t. I just know that I will have so much stuff to figure out if we find out number three is a girl.

    Cameron tells me that Jesus picks just the right baby for the family. I’m so glad that Alice is just the right baby for your family! 🙂

  2. I had all the same feelings when I found out we were having a girl join this very boy family. So happy for you guys!

  3. I’m, like, right there with you in the ultrasound room. I still swoon when you say “Alice.” I love her already and TOTALLY get the reaction you had.

  4. We couldn’t tell with Syd until she was born. I was sure she’d be a boy. The tears. Oh, the tears. xo