No Guarantees

::Looks around::

It’s been awhile since I wrote anything here. That’s because my blog got hacked and I couldn’t log in and then when I hired someone amazing to help, she found buggy wonky files all OVER the place. It’s like my blog got Ebola. It was a process, but we think it’s all clean now.

In the past week or so, my mind has been in over-drive which means I was sort of an anxiety ball without my blog to vent on. Sure, sure I could have hand-written my thoughts or opened a document and typed there, but this little “new post” window has been my therapy couch for the pat 7+ years, and I just don’t do as well writing elsewhere.

I know. I’m weird.

Anyway, one of the big things on my mind has been baby #3.

Today is the day of the Big Ultrasound.

Everyone asks, “are you going to find out the sex of the baby?”

The short answer is yes.

The longer answer is, yes, but we are most concerned with the health of the baby.

I know everyone says that–shoot, we were those people with our last two pregnancies–but most people are first and foremost excited about seeing the baby and/or finding out the sex. Everyone knows that the real reason for the ultrasound is to check on the babies growth and well-being, but because it seems like the health of the baby by 19-20 weeks becomes presumed and just SEEING the baby becomes the bigger deal.

Like I said, even with the loss of pregnancies, we felt pretty safe by 20 weeks in our past two pregnancies with the boys. We were most excited to see our little baby and find out about his parts.  With Eddie I thought we were having a girl. With Charlie, I knew it had to be a boy from the minute I got the positive pregnancy test.

Once I made it past the first trimester, I wasn’t really that concerned that anything could go wrong.

A year ago, we lost my niece, Bella. She was born asleep because she had Turner Syndrome, something my brother-in-law and sister-in-law found out at their 20-week ultrasound.

No, I am not necessarily afraid that our baby has Turner Syndrome, but I have been reminded that getting to the 20-week ultrasound is not a guarantee of a healthy baby. Just because my check ups have been find–we hear the heart, I’m measuring correctly (ok, a week early…but that was how it was with both boys), and I feel ok.  That is still no guarantee our baby is healthy and Ok.

This entire pregnancy has felt different, and for me “different” means bad. At least that is where my brain goes. It’s strange because I was WAY sicker with Charlie and way more moody with Eddie, but somehow this pregnancy makes me nervous.  Maybe it’s because we keep saying it’s the last, and I am afraid that I am jinxing it (even though I don’t believe in jinxes). Maybe the baby isn’t a boy (like I predict), so the pregnancy is different.  Maybe it’s all in my over-analyzing head.

Whatever the reason for it, I am nervous for this ultrasound.

I quite honestly do not care if we are having another little dude or if we are getting a girl (although truth be told I will be SHOCKED if it’s a girl). I really just want to know everything is Ok. Everything looks normal.

I’ve been afraid to get any baby stuff out or look at what we need or what needs to be cleaned, because I am scared.  Even as I type this I can feel that little guy (or girl) moving around, so why can’t I shake the worries?

It will all be cleared up at 3:30pm today, though.

And I will share here…after we let family know.

So far I think boy, Cortney thinks boy, Eddie is hoping girl, and Charlie doesn’t want a baby to take his room.

Someone will be right. Let’s pray it’s not Charlie.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Prayers for a healthy baby and sending love to you and the whole family. <3

  2. A healthy baby is the best kind of baby. Also the kind who doesn’t steal rooms. xoxo

  3. My thoughts are with you today! xoxo

  4. Prayers for a healthy baby. My two pregnancies were completely different. I had hyperemesis with my first and was only sick the first 2 months with my second. My first I never gained weight because I was so sick and never looked pregnant, my second I felt huge. My thoughts are you are having a very healthy baby that I think is a girl. Good luck today!!

  5. I’m so glad your blog is back! And 3:30 can’t come fast enough. We’ll all be thinking and praying!

  6. Awww, praying all goes well today. I felt much the same with the last one. I think it’s pretty normal to be a jumble of anxiety inside until you see the baby & hear the doctor say everything is okay. Even after, it’s still normal to be nervous that everything will continue just fine. I hope today will help put your mind & heart at ease. And I’m also excited to hear if you’re right or if Eddie’s wishes come true! 😉 xoxo

  7. I’m glad your back. I had a lot of anxiety that I couldn’t pinpoint with James. It was weird and made me feel unsettled. Prayers for you and the baby. I can’t wait to hear if it is a boy or girl!

  8. I’ll be thinking of you and wish you lots of luck and only good news!
    Glad the blog is back to normal, too.

  9. I can completely relate to this. We’re on baby #4, and even though my anxiety is manageable, I am just so aware that there are no guarantees. Even making it all the way to 36 weeks with no drama (well, except I didn’t pass my first glucose test and had to take the second one, but other than that) is not a guarantee. So here’s to both of us having uneventful pregnancies and uncomplicated births to healthy babies!

  10. best to you, katie! can’t wait to hear!

  11. Sending lots of love hugs and prayers to you!!

  12. And a girl it is!

    I don’t believe in jinxes either, but the ONLY people I know who have openly voiced a specific gender preference have been denied.

    My friend who wanted nothing but a girl: two boys.
    My friend who was going to keep having kids until she got a boy: three girls. And counting.

    I have more examples, but you get the point.
    I’m sure it’s not the universe laughing at them.
    Probably.

    But it doesn’t matter. You have three children. You love them.
    They are already as lucky as they can be.

  13. There’s certainly a great deal to know about this issue.

    I really like all the points you made.
    baby clothes recently posted…baby clothesMy Profile

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  1. […] we know what to expect and we have planned as much as we can, but we also know in our hearts that there are no guarantees. Things could go awry quickly. There is no reason to expect it, but we just don’t know.  So […]