Not Who You Married

It’s not easy being married to me; I know that.

I don’t want to be told what to do.

I want my decisions made for me.

I want to be involved with all our friends and family.

I want to hide in our room away from all of civilization.

I have BIG ideas to do BIG things all the time.

I try to do too much.

I want you to listen and not try to fix my problems.

I want you to fix everything.

I want to be hugged and cuddled.

I want to be left alone.

I want you to know when I want attention and when I need to be left alone…without my telling you.

I want flowers and surprises.

I don’t want to spend money on frivolous things.

I want to be told I’m pretty.

I want to know the truth.

I want to be lied to about being pretty.

I want to give all our money to other people.

I want to buy all the selfish things.

I want to take time for myself without feeling selfish.

I feel selfish.

I want to smother you in awesome.

I don’t know how to do that.

I want to spend all my years and months and days and hours and minutes with you.

But not all the time because I want to be alone for minute too.

I’m afraid of time leaving us and missing moments with you.

I’m afraid I’ve already missed too many moments.

I trust you completely.

I get mad over things you didn’t even do because I imagined that you might have.

I worry about things out of my control.

I cry about being overwhelmed when I do it to myself.

I’m not a good listener…unless you’re telling me what I want to hear.

I don’t take compliments without thinking of a reason you are wrong for complimenting me.

I make small annoyances into huge dramas.

I want to be alone with you.

Not being alone with you makes me crabby…at you.

I know that 90% of the time I don’t make sense.

I know that I am not the same girl you married.

I also know that you are perfect for me. You are perfect for our boys.

My hope is that although I know I have changed, that I am still your Special Lady.

That I am still exactly who you need.

thank you to the lovely Missy of mLphotography for taking our SIXTH fall family photo. The first one was in 2008 when Eddie was just a blip in my tummy. And now we are all this!

thank you to the lovely Missy of mLphotography for taking our SIXTH fall family photo. The first one was in 2008 when Eddie was just a blip in my tummy. And now we are all this!

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Beautiful! So many meaningful tiny moments here; so very well said.

  2. I love everything about this, Katie.
    You know how we are the best version of us when we’re someone’s Special Lady? You are that, even if you don’t see it all the time. xo

  3. We are all full of contradictions.

  4. yup. yup. yup. I live and think a lot of these things too. Luckily, thankfully I’ve got a dude who is willing to figure it all out with me. Much like yours! xx.

  5. Oh sweetie I think you just described every woman in the world. We all feel like that at times. Every single one of us. I think you picked a winner sweetie, he hung around when it was really tough, when the tunnel was really dark because he saw the real you, even when you could not. That alone speaks volumes.

  6. I know that I feel like this all the time, that I just can’t feel GOOD in the middle of it, because I just want to be MORE! Less! ALL OF IT! for EVERYONE!

    and like you said, be with him, be ALONE, share a thought, have my own..etc.

    but you are special and wonderful…you are WORTH knowing and he is LUCKY to love you and have you love him back. (both of you are lucky ducks!)

    you BOTH have made such a beautiful life, a beautiful family and that is always a GOOD thing to remember on the bad days (and we all have em girlfriend.)

    xo

  7. Oh honey, none of us are the person we used to be. And the beautiful thing is that you and your family are growing together and figuring out what works for you. And the perfect thing is that you’re surrounded by all the love, all the time, so the rest of the stuff? the hard stuff? That’s background.

  8. I think you wrote all my thoughts…

  9. Thank you for putting into words what I can’t. I think all of us grow and change together in a marriage, in a way. Always adjusting to what life throws at us. Great family photo.

  10. This speaks to me, so much. I actually emailed this to my husband and said read it, she said EXACTLY what I think and feel.

  11. In many ways this made my day! MY guy and I are very different personalities. Opposites attract,big time for us. We need breathing space every so often, where we are always trying to find new footing for our relationship. Its hard to explain but at the end of the day , I need him and I know he needs me . That’s what love is after all the clutter has disappeared from our lives.

  12. This is such a great post. So honest and real. But I especially love how it was focused on who you are are a wife. So often in our marriages, we focus on what our spouse is doing or not doing. It is healthy to check ourselves in the marriage and also think about what our spouse needs. Love this. I can totally see how much you and your husband love each other. It is a beautiful thing! 🙂

  13. I know that Cort still thinks you are his Special Lady. I also feel this way about myself. I have no idea how David manages staying married to me. I wouldn’t want to be married to me.

  14. I was nodding at every single line, my friend.
    Thank you for writing this!

  15. I love this. And I love you and Cort together forever.

  16. Um, I think we are so much alike in our thoughts it is scary! So many truths here. I am tingling. I try to say this stuff to Ross. And I just love your love story.

  17. Love this Katie! I could have written the same post to Jason. Gorgeous!

  18. I love this, and relate to it so much. We’re complicated creatures, aren’t we? I say “we” because I see myself in this a lot. Even though I try to make sense, I rarely do.

  19. It’s eerie how much this describes me. Thank goodness for the men who love us.

  20. And still they love us. I tell the Rooster he’s “Ricky to my Lucy” and he really is.

  21. I just want to say: “me too!” to so much of this. I feel like a walking talking contradiction so much of the time. Thank goodness I’ve got a guy that knows me and my heart, just like you do. 🙂
    Love this, Katie.

  22. What a great post, I am so not easy in so many of the same ways 🙂 Beautiful picture of your family as well.

  23. So well said. I think you described me to a “T” as well.
    I don’t know if it is because of the constant push and pull of life on a wife/mom, but I suspect I am not as carefree, easy going as I was years ago when the future still lay spread before me, full of promise.
    and not dirty diapers, spilt milk and mortgages. or sticky but lovely hugs and big wet kisses just for coming in the door, and being woken by jumping little warm bodies on the bed that snuggle close and touch your hair just because “it’s so soft mommy.”
    push. and pull.