Surrender

I was both terrified and excited about having this conversation.

It needed to happen because what he had said just days before was still just hanging out there.  In fact, we had only communicating cordially through email since then.

A real life, face-to-face needed to happen.

He was coming over and I had promised myself that I would be sober.  Not because it would have mattered to him if I had had a few beers, but because I really wanted him to trust that this was serious to me.  This conversation was important.

“So.”

“Yup.”

I sucked in and just went for it, “so you were serious when you said you were falling for me?”

He looked me straight in the eyes.  This friend of mine stared at me with his hazel eyes. “You got it.”

“So do you expect me to be for it or….I mean…do we just…do this?  Do we become more than friends?  I don’t know if I can do that. Is that what you want?  This is so confusing.”

“I know,” he replied.

“Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  ‘I know’?  I need some input here.  Now that that is out there,  nothing will ever be the same.  Our million year friendship can’t be the same no matter what happens next.”

He just nodded.

“Well?” I was getting impatient.  I was always getting impatient.

“Well, you’re right.  but I already told you…you know…what I told you.  So I guess it’s really your choice.”

“NO!  this can’t all be put on me.  This is NOT just my choice.  You are in this too.  What do you want to happen from that statement?” I stared at him incredulously with my mouth agape.

“I guess it’s not a good idea.”

Ok good.  He was going to be all reasonable.

“No.  it’s not.  We are friends.  Best friends.  If anything happens?  We are DONE.  Look what happened to me and Lance.” I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms.

“You’re right.  It’s a bad idea,” he said nodding and also sitting back on the love seat.

“Ok.”

“Right.”

We sat and looked at each other for the longest minute in our lives together.

The cat stretched and walked slowly off my lap and I leaned forward again with a huge, telling sigh.

“But then why do I not FEEL like it’s a bad idea?  You know, in my heart?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t feel like it’s bad either. That’s why I told you in the first place.”

My palms went up to my face and I rubbed the heels of my hands in my eye sockets.

This post originally appeared on my now defunct blog, Exploded Moments. I’m bringing it back here because it’s part of our story.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl…wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. It’s a good thing you KNEW it wasn’t going to be a bad thing. 🙂

  2. *sigh*. I do love a TRUE LIFE love story..and wow, you two have one.
    Friends that become MORE THAN FRIENDS, is the best way to fall in love.

    thank you for sharing this..I love knowing your “STORY”.
    (it’s good for my soul! 😉
    xo

  3. So sweet! Definitely a moment of “When you know, you know” and it’s impossible to fight that feeling.

    I tried to fight it with my husband when I just knew we would be married after only a few months together. My mom said it was too soon. My husband and I married just 6 short months after we started dating. We’re going on three years in October. =)

  4. I’m glad I know the ending. 😉

  5. Don’t fight the feelin’. OMG AM ALL UP IN HERE WITH THE ELOQUENCE TODAY!

  6. Do it! Do it! Do it!
    (Okay I know you already did but. I had to put in my two cents.)

  7. I love to read stories like this. And I am so glad you decided it was not a bad thing! 🙂

  8. It’s so amazing to look back on these HUGE moments and go- WHY were we fighting this thing that would BECOME our lives? (I like this story a ton.) 🙂

  9. I love the friends to more than friends story. So romantic. But yes, CONFUSING.

  10. Sigh. I love this.
    And I remember this sort of conversation, so long ago.

    Well told, girl.

  11. I love a good love story and I really want to meet you and Cort. There is just so much love. Ross and I went from close to hate to getting married a lot of years later. I love reading love journeys!

  12. Squeeee! This gave me a little stomach flip, new-love style.

  13. Dude, don’t do that! I want to know what happened next. That’s a totally unfair place to end it.

    Love the new relationship feeling this gives me. 🙂

  14. I love the should we or shouldn’t we? bits in love stories. Such huge moments!

  15. LOVE your story. I can just see it happening. <3

  16. Love your stories 🙂