It’s been a week since Eddie handed his Pipey over to the Pipey Fairy. When he woke up, there was a new Wii game (Hot Wheels) since only Big Boys get to have their own Wii games. He also got a new responsibility chart since Big Boys get to have Responsibilities just like mom and dad.
He was over the moon proud and happy.
I was proud and sad.
The first night he cried a little when it was time to put on jammies and watch a show before bed. He went to get Lamby and then got very sad that he couldn’t also get Pipey since Pipey was gone. But the tears only lasted a few minutes.
Several times this week we heard, “I miss Pipey. I miss him a yot,” but not many more tears.
The first night he needed me to stay in bed until he fell asleep. He took my hand, found my thumb, and put it under his nose against his lips with my nail facing his face. Then he fell quietly to sleep.
As I lay with him the first night, I couldn’t help realizing how ready he was for this change. Way more ready than Cort and I gave him credit for.
He was so brave to give up his best friend. We talk about it and he shares his feelings, but he is Ok with it for the most part.
The real truth is that he was ready before I was ready.
I’ve thought about that many times this week.
He was ready before I was ready.
This is how it is being a mom, isn’t it? He will always be ready before I am ready.
Giving up his Pipey, giving up nap (which he will have to do by the fall because he will have afternoon preschool), going to school, riding the bus, spending the night at a friend’s house, doing ____ all by himself, driving, dating, going away to college.
I remember not being ready to put away the swing or the bounce seat for either of the boys. But they were ready.
I wasn’t ready to fold up the activity mat this morning for Charlie, but he was long since ready.
I am never ready to pack up clothing that is suddenly too small and place it in a tote.
They are always ready before I am.
I have a huge urge to hold them tight to me until I am ready too. I almost did that with Pipey.
Ok, I totally did that with Pipey.
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to that baby-ness, so I let him hold on even though he could have let go awhile ago.
I don’t feel bad about it…this time. The transition was basically seamless. But I know that with whatever the next thing is, I am going to have to take this new knowledge of my fear of change and stuff it down. Push it out of our decision-making. I will have to paint on a smile when he goes off to school or rides without training wheels.
It won’t be hard because my momma heart will be bursting with pride.
But it will be terrifying because it means another milestone passed; another chapter through; another new adventure to begin.
I suck at change. Especially when I love that which needs to change.
But I love those that need the change more than I hate the change itself.
It’s not about me.
That is hard for me to remember.
Pipey is gone. It went without nearly as many tears–from either of us–than I feared.
And suddenly, just this week, he looks older to me.