Today is my last day before putting the boys in daycare full-time to get ready for the first day of school (which is Sept 4 ’round these parts).
We are off frolicking at the zoo with a bloggy friend to celebrate an awesome summer.
I’m trying not to beat a dead horse here, but hey, it’s my blog and I can beat whatever dead animals I want, right?
Wait. That didn’t sound right.
Anyway. School starting.
It’s a big transition for me every year. It’s always brought on my anxiety in a big way. If I were to create for you a nice graph of the past 10 years, you would see a giant, angry anxiety spike every single August.
That’s right. 10 years.
This fall starts my tenth year as a contracted teacher in my district. I also did a semester of student teaching there and a total of 3/4 of a year long-term subbing in the high schools (over 2 school years).
This year, though, brings lots of changes. Our district is down to one high school, and since we have combined the two we had, we are actually a brand NEW school.
We have a new mascot: The Wolves
We have new colors: Purple & Black (with Silver as an accent)
We have a new fight song, uniforms, paint in the building, gym floors, outside signs.
Tomorrow I go into my new room in the new building to begin creating my new space.
We are not allowed to put up any artifacts from either of the old high schools. Not even any pictures of former students.
We are starting new.
No old traditions will be continued. Everything will be created fresh. We are starting the traditions that we hope will live on for generations.
You see, the two high schools that are coming together were rivals.
We need to now make them one. One community. One family of students.
It’s hard on me to not bring the past 12 years of students with me into this new room of mine. But it’s time to start over.
And at the same time, I am preparing my heart to leave my boys. Eddie for the 3rd back to school, Charlie for the first time ever.
It’s harder this year than it’s ever been. Probably because of the sheer amount of change looming before me. I don’t deal well with change…even when it’s super exciting and positive. It’s hard for me to process.
Hence the anxiety spikes ever August, which have only gotten worse since having kids.
I have to prepare my heart to endure the pain of letting my boys go, and to expand it a bit to hold the students I will gain this year.
Each morning I have been spending time quiet and with the #SheReadsTruth assignment for the day. I want to start the year with a good attitude toward my new school and the leaders. I want a positive start to the year with my students and their parents.
And I want to come home and still be a happy, loving mother to my boys and wife to my husband.
I am letting myself grieve the loss of summer and time with Eddie and Charlie. I am allowing myself to feel the sadness of having to switch Charlie from what he has known his whole life to a completely new routine with new people.
I’m taking my new meds regularly to help control the depression that wants to creep in and the anxiety at bay.
But I am also letting myself be excited and happy to get back to the job I love.
And to look up and see the vacations from school that I am blessed with throughout the year to love on my boys…until next summer.
When we are together again.
So today, we are at the zoo. I am not thinking about my classroom or lesson plans or what new school shirt I will order for casual Fridays.
Today I will be present for my boys so we can enjoy this last adventure of the summer.
You know, until next weekend when it’s Labor Day.