new chalk drawings

Sunday night it stormed ’round these parts.

The winds blew, the lightening struck, and the thunder rolled.

After Cort had snuggled with Eddie until the thunder booms were quiet enough not to make our buddy tremble, it was just Charlie and me up with the pounding rain and whipping winds.

We sat in the dark as he took long, slow draws on his bottle and I wrapped his little hand around my pinky.

Just that afternoon we had all ventured outside where Eddie and Cort rode their bikes, and Charlie slept in the moby as I walked around the yard taking inventory on what plants needed tending or replacing this spring.

After a little while, Cort left to pick up Chinese food and Eddie started asking me about rain since I told him not to go in the backyard where it was all wet.

He asked if it would be dry tomorrow.

No, it’s going to storm again tonight.

He asked if it was going to thunder.  He hates thunder.

Yup, probably.  But daddy will keep us safe.

He asked why it rains.

It rains so that all these plants can get a drink and grow big.  The grass, the trees, the flowers…they need the rain to grow up just like you need water to grow up.

He told me he doesn’t really like the rain because he can’t play outside and thunder is spooky.

Yeah, rain can be a bummer.  It’s hard to have fun when it’s not sunny out.  And thunder does seem spooky, but it can’t get us…only scare us a little. Lucky for us, we have each other to play with on rainy days and you have all your friends at Renae’s house.  And daddy keeps us safe from the thunder. Plus, a big storm is good every now and then.  It reminds us to love the sunny days.  And it makes all our favorite stuff beautiful! Oh AND…it washes away all of our chalk pictures so we have a clean driveway to make NEW chalk pictures.  See?  Rain is pretty good stuff!

He ran over to a dandelion and plucked it up, raced back to me, and told me that the rain made that flower for me.

That night the storm I told him about rolled in over the lake with a vengeance.

And there in the dark cradling my baby, I thought about our conversation.

And I thought about my anxiety and depression.

I haven’t had any storms in weeks.

But there are still dark days.

There are still days where it’s all sprinkly and gross and I don’t want to go outside because I feel yucky.

There are still times when I feel secluded from everyone and I get a bit scared.

I start to panic.

On those days I look around and realize I am with people who love me and are holding an umbrella over my head.

And when I hear a far away rumble of a possible storm forming, I reach for Cort.  And he keeps me safe.

After Charlie finished his bottle Sunday night, and I had him wrapped back up in his miracle blanket, we were snuggled on the couch searching for sleep.

I realized in that small moment that the rain in my life has helped me grow too.

It reminded me of being loved.

It made me appreciate the bright sunshine of how lucky I am.

It showed me the blessings that were budding all around me.

And every time I come out on the other end, I feel fresh and new and ready to conquer the world.

Ready to make a new chalk picture.

 

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Having suffered from PPD I totally relate. Currently dealing with depression after the loss of my mom, I understand even more. Caring for her the last 4 years left me with issues in being alone on my hill. I am slowly coming out of it, getting used to being alone all day. It is hard. But I look around at all I have to be thankful for and I am blessed.

    • It’s so hard, isn’t it? I have battled PPD, antenatal depression, and straight up depression. It’s just…blah. A big old storm. You are in my thoughts, lady.

  2. Beautiful post, as usual. You know, I recently wrote a post about the fear of depression and anxiety. I’m fine, really I am, but the fear is still there. Any bad day and I get into a panic that it’s starting again (you know, the “it” of major depression). You’re doing great! Everyone is here holding you up when you need it!

    ~Carrie

    • You know, Carrie, I think when you’ve battled it, you will ALWAYS fear that it will come back. Little things make me wonder “wait…is this it again? is it starting?”

      Even though it will always be there threatening? At least we all carry umbrellas for each other. To help shelter from the rain.

  3. LOVE, Love, love this. You make me smile.

  4. I love this. So beautiful and a great reminder to me (when I needed to read this!) that even the rains help me grow. <3 Thank you.

  5. Nicely written.
    I can’t wait for the rain to end for me too.
    m.

  6. What a wonderful reminder of the growth rain can bring.

  7. A beautiful post and wonderful analogy. I’m glad that even though you’ve had cloudy days the storms have been kept at bay. Reading this and so many other posts about PDD and Depression in general really helped me understand more. I never suffered from either so it’s not always easy for me to understand. So, thanks for sharing and shining a light on these issues.

    • I do my best to put it out there. Breaking down the walls between all of us is a huge goal of mine. We all have different struggles, but they are all struggles. We are all getting wet from the rain. We need to help each other by providing shelter.

      thank YOU for reading, my friend.

  8. Glad to hear that your storms are calm and peace has found a place in your heart again. Blessed be God for that! 🙂

  9. Beautiful 🙂

  10. Beautifully written. It made me smile and tear up all at the same time.

  11. This is SO refreshing. Great reminder. Thanks.

  12. This is a beautiful analogy. It is a great reminder to me now that I am in recovery. There are some cloudy days and rain, but we need the brief storms to grow and flourish.

    • I mean, it’s not fun, but the cloudy, drizzly days are NORMAL. and they remind us both how lucky we are to be past the stormy season, and how wonderful those sunny days are!

  13. Love love…storms? They suck. But they sure do make us grow and make us closer to the ones we love and truly matter to us.
    Xoxo
    Ps. Be prepared for an incoming package. It’s coming from Canada so you might get it in like 4 years. It’ll be worth it though 😉

    • a package from Canada? Is it booze? Because I just watched a thing on tv about the underline bootlegging ring from Canada during America’s Prohibition in the 20’s.

      Dude. I am such a nerd.

  14. Lately there seems to be storm clouds following me & I think the way that you have written about your experience and struggles is comforting to others. Keep doing what your doing Katie-the sun is shinning beneath the clouds! 😉

    • This makes me happy. Not that you have storm clouds…that is a total drag, but that I am doing good with my words. That is my goal. Keep your head up, lady. I’ve got your umbrella right here if you need it!

  15. I am the same-no storms for ages but the dark days still haunt me when they appear. This post really rang true for me.

    • those storm clouds look totally different now that we’ve experienced their fury, huh? stupid storm clouds. leave us alone!

  16. May you have many days of sunshine filled, new chalk drawing days. xo

  17. LOVE!

  18. After the rain comes the rainbow…. wishing you days of sun and lots and lots of rainbows.