the day before

Dear Sluiter Boys,

This is it.  The day before our world changes.

I have been trying to soak everything in about all three of you this weekend.  I found a lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes on more than one occasion.  Not because I was sad, but because I just couldn’t wrap my head or heart around how unbelievably blessed I am.

Eddie you amaze me.

You are a talking machine.  People always say this to me, and I know your voice is a constant in our lives, but this weekend I made sure to really, REALLY listen to you.

You have so many stories, and you are such a great little reporter on what is happening around you.  Everything is interesting and exciting and note-worthy.

My favorite thing this weekend was when we were goofing around and you just fell on me, squeezed, and said, “Mom?  I love you.”

I can’t imagine that I had a life without you in it.

How have you only been here for 32 months?

You are so smart and so big and so strong.

You are going to be an amazing big brother…starting tomorrow.  But really, you have already started.  You are so kind to your unborn brother.

And even though you have mentioned a couple times that you don’t want baby Charlie anymore, I know you are just scared and nervous.

I’ll tell you what, I am too.

Things are going to be different.  And it will be hard for you and me and daddy.  But you and me?  We are a lot alike.  Change is scary and makes us anxious and we cry and lash out.

But Eddie?  We will get through it.  I promise.

Charlie, I can’t believe you are only going to be part of me for less than 24 more hours.

This has been a crazy 39 weeks.

All the puking and reflux and restrictions and everything that was thrown at me this pregnancy is all about to seem like nothing when you are placed in my arms for the first time.

I’m not generally a fan of sharing, but sharing my body with you has been an honor.

While I am ready to have it back–let’s be honest, neither of us are comfy anymore–I will miss your movements that only I know about.  I will miss that connection I feel to you without having to speak.

I’m ready to meet you face to face.  To learn your personality and your face.  To fall in love all over again.

Cortney, I cannot tell you how much you make my heart flip.

Watching you laugh and play with Eddie one minute, and pat your unborn son in my belly the next had me fighting back my sappy mommy tears.

Each time you gave me the hairy eyeball for using the stairs or lifting something, something in me smiled.

Your protectiveness over your family is so attractive and cute.

You’ve put in so much for our team lately.  I know you are tired.  I know you need a break.

I wish I could say that tomorrow means a break for you.  But it doesn’t.

We both know this is the break right now.  Even though it so doesn’t feel like it.

Tomorrow you will be a single parent to a confused little toddler for three days.

Then you will have a wife with a giant abdominal would who will need help on top of that confused toddler.

Oh, and there will be a baby.  Who cries.  And poops.  And needs to eat.  And hasn’t figured out a sleep schedule yet.

Every time I think of how much you give, I want to cry and tell you I am sorry.

But you shake it off.  You tell me we are all worth it.

You tell me you love us.

And you smile.

And your smile gets me every time.

Because your smile is my safe place.  It is home.

So my boys…things are about to change for all of us.

I am soaking you all in how you are right now in this moment because tomorrow will be different.

A wonderful, chaotic, painful, beautiful different.

I love you all more than you will ever imagine,

Mommy (Kate)

 

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. You are making me cry..and wishing i had started blogging when I was preggo and my kids were babies.

  2. What a beautiful love letter!

  3. Oh Katie, this is so beautiful. Even though I’m typing through teardrops, I’m smiling too.
    Here’s to you and your family’s new adventure!

  4. Lindsay@Lilloveandluck says

    Sappy mama tears.

  5. Aww, this is so sweet that I might just cry! I’m excited for you guys, and I can’t wait to hear all about Charlie and “meet” him on your blog. Good luck tomorrow! I’ll be thinking of you & your family. 🙂

  6. Good luck tomorrow! I’ll be thinking of you.

  7. I wish you married me because you write the best love letters. I’ll be with you in spirit tomorrow. Praying everything is easy! Don’t forget to make plans o go out to dinner with just you and Cort one month after new baby arrives! Get a sitter and do it! Yay you!

  8. I totally have tears from reading this. It is so sweet. I’ll be thinking of you as your bring your little guy into the world.

  9. Enjoy this “last” day, every second of it. Yes, you’re life is about to change again, but what a blessed changed! Will be thinking of you and praying for a safe arrival of baby Charlie tomorrow!

  10. I got goose bumps reading this. It reminded me of the day before I had my c-section with the triplets. I was so excited but also sad because every was about to change… and boy did it change.

    I wish you all the best tomorrow and I can’t wait to meet your new little guy. 🙂

  11. Awwww, too sweet. Good luck tomorrow, Katie. I hope everything goes smoothly and you are loving on that baby quickly! Can’t wait to see photos! (((hugs)))

  12. From one momma of boys to another….You’re going to love it!! Good luck Kate….and here’s to a speedy recovery!

  13. This was so beautiful. I love it, I wish you all wonders and joy and hope all goes well and can’t wait to meet your new addition! Much love. 🙂

  14. This is breathtaking. I wish you all only the best tomorrow. I can’t wait to meet little Charlie through blog-land and to hear how much Eddie falls in love with him.

    I am sending positive energy your way!

    Murray’s Momma

  15. This is absolutely gorgeous. Come on, tomorrow!

  16. Thanks. Just thanks. I put on mascara and make-up to impress the woman who may or may not rip out my gallbladder…it is also a boy just in case your wondering…I named it the anti-christ…and she’s going to think I’ve lost my marbles…wait…
    I love you. I am excited for all of you. You are all so blessed to have one another.
    Cannot wait for Chuck.
    Little roundhouse kicking the uterus Chuck.
    xoxo

  17. I love you. And I don’t really even know you. Is that weird? You were an amazing support for me through my miscarriage and allowed me to text and DM the hell out of you. I’m very, very happy for you and kinda have tears in MY eyes right now (which need to go away since I have 6 year olds to each). You guys are gonna do great with Charlie. You have each other to rely on and family and it will be enough. Good luck tomorrow! Can’t wait to meet him. xo

  18. beautiful Katie. just beautiful. can’t wait to hear that Charlie has arrived! good luck!! xoxo

  19. to a whole new life, cheers (and good luck)!

  20. This was an absolutely beautiful love letter, Katie! Your honesty and sweetness shine through as usual. What lucky boys you have–tomorrow the love is just going to multiply. Can’t wait to see Charlie’s adorable face. Wishing you a very easy delivery. XO

  21. Beautiful, touching love letter. Wishing you all the best for the big day tomorrow!

  22. Thinking about you and wishing you all the best tomorrow!!!

  23. I love this line to Charlie:

    “Sharing my body with you has been an honor.”

    And may I add that having you share this experience with us here, in your words, has been an honor, too.

    This is it, my friend. Tomorrow.
    Life at its most raw and joyful.

    The only thing that matters in this world…

  24. Such an awesome love letter to your family! Makes me want another one!! Can’t wait to “meet” your new addition.

  25. So very excited for you to meet your newest little one.

  26. Happy Birthday, Charlie!

  27. Best wishes for a safe delivery of baby Charlie. 🙂

  28. And just like that three become four. Well… 39 weeks and then three become four. All the best, Katie. xoxo

Trackbacks

  1. […] Sluiter Nation, is the mother of two little boys and lives on the Lake Michigan coastline. I find this letter that Katie wrote to her boys on the eve of giving birth to her second son so poignant as it’s […]

  2. […] I was inside my own head a lot that weekend. […]