this bed is your bed, this bed is my bed.

I am not easy to sleep with.

There, Cort.  I admit it:  I am a pain to have as a bed partner.

Until becoming blissfully wed to Cortney at age 27, I had my own bed.  Until my 20’s it was a twin.  Then I graduated to a queen that was donated to me by an ex-boyfriend’s parents (who I think believed it would someday become our wedding bed.  Um. no).

So I had this queen sized bed all to myself for about four years.

My preferred side of the bed is the left side (and by left, I mean the left if you’re lying down staring up at the ceiling), but my cat also preferred the left side (yes, I was single and slept with a cat.  Shut up).  This meant that I would sleep with my head on my pillow on the left side of the bed, but my body and legs went diagonally so that my feet slept on the right side of the bed.

Even though I slept for over 20 years in a tiny twin-sized bed, once given the freedom of sprawl in a queen?  I quickly embraced my new expanse of mattress, and much like a conquistador, I was not going to be giving up my new territory so easily.

In June of 2005, Cortney slid a wedding ring on his finger and moved his stuff into our home.

This included taking his side of the bed.

The right side, of course, because I sleep on the left side.

No, I wasn’t going to compromise on this.

Even though when we both are on laptops/tablets/nooks and his left-handedness and my right-handedness bang into each other.

Even when my pregnant belly makes it hard for him to see the TV.

Even when I fall asleep before him, roll to my side, and block the TV from view.

Even when it starts raining in through our open window and I poke him to get up and walk all the way around the bed to my side to close the window.

He found out quickly that sleeping with me was going to be a battle of territory.

Sure I stayed on my side while we were awake.

But once I fell asleep?  All bets were off.

My legs would slowly migrate to the bottom right corner of the bed…edging his out until he pushed back.

I would roll myself into a ball of comforter leaving him with nothing but a scrap of top sheet.

I would scoot my bottom so far onto his side that he had to take both hands to shove me back to my side.

My sleeping self had no concept of boundaries or lines…it wandered and spread.

After almost seven years, I am getting better.

(He is shaking his head at this point, but really, I AM getting better.  Yes I am, Cort.  Shut up).

I will admit to some regression since becoming largely pregnant.

Saturday night Cort may have had to roll me to my side of the bed, tug-o-war the covers, and shove my feet away from him several times.

And then there was this other thing.

You see, lately, I roll from one side to the other a LOT due to my legs cramping or Charlie moving or just pregnantness.  And when I roll, I tend to take a deep breath, sigh, and roll it over.

Generally I do this without interrupting my own sleep too much.

Saturday night this needed to happen.

I was facing toward the interior of the bed.  I peeked one eye and only saw a fluff of hair, so I assumed Cort was facing out.

I breathed in, sighed out through my mouth, and started my roll.

Mid-roll I heard, “ugg.”

Apparently Cort had been facing in and just got a whole face-full of my sleep breath.

Oops.

It’s a wonder Cort gets any sleep.

He’s such a patient man.

 

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. LOL.
    Gio and John have been sleeping together and Jacob and i have been sharing “my” bed for about a year now (Um, keep those opinions to yourself lady!) but when John sprained/broke his foot he moved back into our bed for a about a week…it was torture. I mean Jacob is a bed hog but he weighs 36 pounds. John pushes, pulls, tries to record my snoring and play it back to me at 3am and then steals all my covers.
    I thought I missed him in my bed, turns out we do better in seperate beds and bathrooms. 🙂

  2. Duffy & I ended up working, because I was a right-side-sleeper and she, a left-side-sleeper. But, I met her and she was sharing a bed with a dog and a cat. And, soon after, I got a dog of my own, and you can’t let one dog in bed and not the other.

    And now, well, with the two kids, it’s a whole lot easier to wake up and bring a child, crying in the middle of the night, over to bed, to sooth them, rather than get them back to sleep in their own bed. We have a king-sized bed, but I share this bed with a wife, two terriers, a cat, a 2 year old boy, and a nearly-two-year-old girl. I commonly wake up in a pretzel shape, because I was keeping the boy from hugging my head (his favorite thing to do when he’s somewhere between “awake” and “asleep”) and one dog is between my legs, and the cat nestled in my armpit.

    Though, if I’ve been drinking (and, um, I might do a fair amount of that), I really feel bad for Duffy, because I hog the covers & fart up a storm.

  3. My husband complains of similar things, but I am certain they are not true in my case … 😉

    I do know when I was pregnant that he really did have a tough time. I prefer the left side of the bed (if you are standing at the end of the bed and facing it), but I always wanted to lay on my left side while I was pregnant, which meant he bore the brunt of huge belly, random middle-of-the-night kicks from baby and LOVELY pregnant lady sleep breath.

    He tried to swap sides with my one night, and I gave in after much whining from him. Yeah, we swapped back about an hour later.

  4. i LOVE sleeping diagonal, it’s a joke between my husband and i now.

  5. Ack! I can totally relate! But first, you get a free pass for all the months of pregnancy. Men have no idea who hard it is to sleep when you’re pregnant. So you are forgiven for now.

    I drove my husband crazy and we eventually got a California King Tempurpedic ten million dollar mattress and it has pretty much saved our marriage. It is really that good. If it could only perform the, cough, marital duties, it would be perfection. 😉

    XOX

  6. Hee hee! DH and I are every sleeping couple’s worst nightmare. We both hog the covers, we both talk in our sleep, we both snore. It’s awful. And yet, somehow, it works. Well, for me anyway. DH tries to get in trouble so I want him to sleep on the couch. But since I know he prefers to sleep there, I don’t give in.

  7. Thank you for bringing sleep-breath to light. This is a topic that is frightfully absent from public discourse and needs to be addressed.

    I am a habitual offender.

    There, I said it.

  8. I’m a left side of the bed sleeper too. Must be something that correlates being totally facking awesome and the left side.
    I am also left handed.
    So I’m double awesome.

  9. I am a right-side-of-the-bed sleeper.
    And I am also corpse-like in my ability to sleep through moving, rolling, sighing, breathing.

    So you know what this means.
    We could totally share a bed someday.

    Fact.

  10. Hubby was 38 and I was 29 when we got married. Neither of us had ever shared. Both of us had queen size beds for years. Hubby did insist my little dog stop sleeping with me before we got married. But even after 7 years, last night required, reaching under him, yanking the blanket so I could have some and not caring if he ended up uncovered. Thankfully we are both crappy bed-sharers so there is plenty of blame to go around!

  11. Ha! Well, you can’t be held accountable for what you doing while you are pregnant – that is a free zone!! My husband invariably ends up sleeping on the floor or the guest bed – he and Cort should start a support group!!

  12. Doesn’t everything you do when you’re pregnant allow for a “get out of jail free card”? So to speak?

    Typically I can’t sleep in a bed with anyone else but Todd. Lucas has been making late night visits lately and no one is sleeping.