the lonely silence

It is always so nice to get ready in peace.

No one is trying to wear my shoes or help with makeup or hold the mirror for me.

No one is playing with the light switches in the bathroom or running through the bathroom door into the bedroom, out the bedroom, into the bathroom…and repeat.

No one is flushing the toilet incessantly or asking to brush his teeth for the umpteenth time.

It’s always nice to leave for an event in peace.

No rushing to drop anyone off.

No prolonged bye-bye’s at the door.

No worrying about how he will act during the ceremony or if he can wait to eat until the reception.

It’s lovely to have a night out alone with my adoring husband.

We hold hands.

We walk slowly and have conversations.

We laugh and enjoy the fun times of friends and family.

There is no chasing.

There is no soothing.

There is no distracting.

Just us.

No bedtime routine.

No battles about one more book.

No crying about the dark room.

Just the two of us getting home when we want.Β  Getting to bed when we want.

And no one yelling, “DADDDYYY!Β  WAKE UP!Β  SUN UP!!”

Waking up when we want.

yet…

that wake up was lonely somehow.

No one came and crawled into bed with me this morning.

No one tip-toed noisily to my side of the bed and announced, “Get up, Momma!”

No one snuggled under the covers and demanded to watch Bob Bob.

No one asked for music so he could have a dance party on momma and daddy’s bed.

I got up this morning to silence.

I remember silence, but I don’t remember it feeling empty.

It is so nice to get away from responsibility.

But I am always surprised by how much I miss the chatter and silliness of that responsibility.

How much I miss the run-by-hugs and that little voice that is so matter-of-fact.

How much I miss knowing this is snuggled in the next room…

this is what happens at the butt crack of dawn when the boy doesn't want to get up.

I never thought that a “date night” would be bittersweet.

I never thought I would long for the one thing that can frustrate me the most in this world.

I never thought I would fall asleep missing the finger dimples and piggy toes and soft blond curls.

But I fell asleep thinking of him and woke up missing him.

I am so thankful for time away with just Cort.

But getting Eddie back in my arms the next day is almost as wonderful.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. This is so sweet and sad and happy all at once. It’s amazing how much they mean and how much you miss all the little insanities when they are not there.

  2. Beautiful post! So true πŸ™‚

    Although, no lie, I couldn’t help by DIE OF LAUGHTER when I saw the SpongeBob face right on his little bum. (And that speaks to my level of maturity!)

  3. I LOVE date nights. They don’t happen as much as I would like but I think that it was makes them awesome. I love going out but there is just something awesome about having the kids come back.

  4. Awww…this choked me up! I have yet to spend a night away from Christopher. Just reading this makes me so sad because I know how much I would miss my little man. BUT, I am sure it was much needed. πŸ™‚ Hope you enjoyed it!

  5. Oh, this is so sweet πŸ™‚ I LOVE the going out, but I love the homecoming even more, whether it’s that night or the next morning.

    (And the little butt in the air sleeping is the cutest thing.)

  6. Oh my friend, you know this speaks to me. How I used to yearn for time away from them both…and now? I want to cherish each and every moment.

    xoxo

  7. This is exactly how I feel when we have date nights. I love being able to just be with my husband without the kids always in our faces, but when they are gone I miss them terribly especially at night and in the morning. Sometimes I even go to check on them and forget that they are not there.

  8. So beautifully written. I too understand missing the little rugrats so much when they aren’t around even though they are what can jump repeatedly on my last nerve. Hubby and I were trying to plan an adult only vacation and in the end, we decided to bring the 2 youngest with us because we just didn’t want to leave them for that long. Crazy, right?

  9. I feel the same way. We had a date on Saturday and it’s always so strange to talk and NOT be interrupted πŸ˜‰

  10. SO true. Every time we take Nathan to spend the night at his Nanas place – the house just feels different. It’s quiet. It’s empty. The air feels deflated.

    I adore date nights with my husband too & I know we desperately need them, but I always ache to get back to my boy the next morning.

  11. Aw. Okay, that’s just terribly sweet.

  12. So true. I think we all long to not be “bothered” but when we do get that break we miss it…them…

  13. I relate to this completely. You always need to get away and end up missing the little squirts.

    That is, unless you talk about them the whole time you’re gone. πŸ™‚

  14. Gio still sleeps like that, with his tush in the air and hands under him. I hope he never stops πŸ˜‰

    I know how you feel , when you said “I remember silence, I don’t remember it feeling so lonely” I got that, even as I complain and pray for a day off, a night off…I know I would miss the gentle patter of their lives, I would miss them.

    So as happy as I am that you got a nice night away , I am also happy that you got home with a full heart. Xo

  15. I love this and it’s true for me too…. as soon as there is a little distance between Lucas and I, I miss him. Desperately! On the other hand, I LIVE for date nights and girl time with my friends.

  16. My mom will keep my daughter in her room sometimes when I sleep over to give me a break and get some sleep. I love the sleep, but in the morning I always jump out of bed and run out to see if she’s awake yet. It doesn’t take long to miss her.

  17. Me too, dude. Right down to the Bob Bob.