the day the poop hit sluiter nation

I am lucky.

WE are lucky.

Since Eddie was born in 2009, we have had maybe five memorable blowouts. The one where I thought he didn’t poop at all only to find it all in the foot of his jammies sticks out in my mind here.

(WARNING:  if you have a weak stomach when it comes to poo, now would be the time to pass on this post.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you. )

But this fall I encountered something so gruesome it’s taken me over a month to be able to write about it.

As you may know, Cort is taking classes this semester.  That means he is gone on Thursday nights from dinner time until after Eddie and I are both in bed.

One of the first Thursday nights that Cort was gone, and after Eddie and I had dinner, I decided that the boy needed a bath before bed.

I was still in my first trimester.  This is important because I was still nauseous all the time.

Eddie’s latest rave was to have a “bubbles bath,” so, because he had been extra good for me at dinner, I loaded up the bubbles into the tub.

While he soaked and played, I walked from his room to the kitchen (which means I walked past the bathroom door) a thousand times getting his diapers and extra clothes ready to go to his new daycare.

The whole time he chatted with me as I walked past and I kept saying, “wow.  yup.  mmmhmmm.  row row the boat!  good!”

Finally, I walked into the bathroom to wash his hair and scrub him up.

I turned on the water to fill up the tub cup (I didn’t want to wash his hair with the bubbley water in case it would sting his eyes).

Then I shampooed up his curls and put a soapy faux-hawk in his hair, which we both giggled about.

Now mind you, there were still so many bubbles in the tub, I could hardly see his toys that were in there.

So I scoop up some water to rinse his shampoo out and I notice something.

The water is sort of murky under the bubbles.

What the….?  Why is ALL the water brown?  Wait…what are these solids?

OH. MY….

All of a sudden I drop the cup and I look at my shampooed, bubbly little boy and ask, “Eddie?  Did you go poop in the tub?”

His smile fades.

“Yes, momma.”

And I turn to the toilet and vomit.

When I look back he has a terrified look on his face and I realize he thinks he did something very bad.  Which he did…but he really didn’t.

So I started to think.  I needed to get my child out of the semi-liquid poop tub that he had been playing in.

He was too big for any sink.

Wait!  We finished the bathroom downstairs!  We would go down there!

So I calmly told him he need to get out and we would finish the bath downstairs.  That it would be fun!  A new adventure!  We would put bubbles down there too!

I lifted him out, bubbles clingy to his bootycakes and shampoo faux-hawk still in his hair, and set him on the rug.

I grabbed the bottle of bubbles and I held his hand as he very nudely walked down the hall, down the stairs to the landing, down the rest of the stairs, and into our new bathroom.

I asked if he wanted to put the bubbles in and that made him happy, so he dumped the new bubbles in the tub.

After I set him in, I dashed upstairs to grab a few toys, a clean cup to rinse his hair, and a towel.  I also held my breath, looked away, and stuck my hand in the poop water to let it drain.

And decided to close the door and let Cort deal with it when he got home.

Eddie’s downstairs bath didn’t last long.

After we got him washed up, he asked to get out.

I didn’t blame him.

I did text Cort to warn him of the poop-splosion in the upstairs bathroom.

He took care of it when he got home without even a gag.

And Eddie hasn’t pooped in the tub since.  In fact, he announces now that the tub is not where we poop.

At least I know he’s paying attention.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a high school English teacher, college adjunct instructor, freelance writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Ooh, you poor thing.

    I can’t imagine the shock…

  2. Oh yes, poop in the tub. Probably one of my least favorite pick ups–next to barf. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but each of my children has blessed me with terds in the tub. :( On the upside, I freaked out less with each one? Ah parenting, gotta love the silly and outright disgusting adventures! ;)

  3. I’m gagging just thinking about it!! Poor guy, he must have felt so bad seeing you puking into the toilet! No wonder he doesn’t poop in the tub anymore!!

  4. OMG I am not even pregnant and I know I would have hurled and like you my hubby would have been the fall back guy to fix it..

  5. I once walked into my son’s room and found a turd on the carpet. Who knows how it got there or how long it had been there.

  6. Haha we haven’t had a tub poop yet but we have had some memorable explosions. My favorite was the time my mother-in-law fed my son four bran muffins and I woke up to him going ‘Mom I poot’ and it was everywhere, the bed, the carpet, in his hair. It was awful and required a carpet cleaner to fix. Just think now you will have two sets of poopy babies to deal with :)

  7. A surprise poop bomb :( Oh, I’m so sorry :(

  8. oh man, that sucks, but i think every kid poops in the tub (louise has only done it once thankfully). i work at a pharmacy in the hospital here in gh, twice someone has had an “accident”. the last time was just a few weeks ago, someone “lost it” outside the door before we opened and there was a trail all the way to a public bathroom that’s in the same building, which is about 200 feet away, SO gross.

  9. Every kid has had an accident in the bathtub at least once. At least now your child knows that is a no no :-)

  10. I feel as though I might have nightmares about baths for a little while.

    Yeah, it won’t be pretty.

  11. I remember when you first mentioned this hallmark day on Twitter. I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but the part where you turned to the toilet and threw up, cracked me up.

    Great job turning such a stenchy event in to something funny!

  12. I am so glad I never had to deal with that. Wow, that’s, um, gross :)

  13. Amanda Venema says:

    Holy crap–that is hilarious. I’m sorry!

  14. Omigosh!

    You didn’t have to clean up the tub, did you? Cuz that would have been awful.

    All over again.

    Once, when my Monkey was really small, hubby and I were out of town at a very fancy restaurant when Monkey decided to have his first major blowout. Mustard color poo came out the sleeves, crept up his neck and seep out of the ankle holes of his outfit.

    Mealus interruptus.

    I cried the entire way back to our hotel.

    It’s much funnier now. ;-)

  15. Oh dear. We haven’t experienced that yet… Thank goodness!

  16. Okay. Yep. That’s horrific. My morning sickness is mostly gone….mostly. This has caused some resurgence. But I was warned….

  17. This was funnier with hand gestures & re-enactments! I think you shoul do a vlog.

  18. oh you poor girl, this only happened once with us too…last summer when Gio was 2..and I gagged too. It was not a very good night. ;)

    so glad Eddie knows where Poop goes now….yeah xoxoxo

  19. My girl poops in the tub on me about 3/4 of the time I my kids a bath. She never, ever does this for anyone else – so I get to feel special. It’s gotten so bad that we bought a training potty – just so that if I sense that she might be thinking about laying one down, I can pick her up and try to contain it.

    Well, last night, we have a very pleasant bath. I have pneumonia, and I was enjoying the fact that the kids were playing & were pleasant, and that Leila didn’t show a single sign that she might poop in the tub.

    Just as the hot water was running out (I try to keep the kids in the bath for as long as possible so my wife doesn’t have to deal with any of us during this time), the boy looks at me with a concerned expression. Before I could do anything about it, the floor of the tub was covered.

    Normally, I’d do a “re-bath” in a situation like this, but we were at the very end, there was no hot water, and they were both on their feet – so I washed their feet & got them ready. Only, he wasn’t done, so the floor of the bathroom now had it.

    I got them dressed in their PJ’s & picked everything up . . . . somehow managing to not puke up my antibiotics.

    Isn’t parenthood grand?

  20. Aw… poor Mama. Poor Eddie.

    The tub is so not where we poop.

  21. This sounds almost exactly like the reaction my husband had when one of the girls’ swim diapers “leaked” in the kiddie pool (minus the vomit). He was all “Is that mud?….a leaf?….It’s POOP!” So funny. But not when you’re sick.

    Our last poop in the tub incident, thankfully I had already taken 2 of the 3 kids out of the bath. I just took #3 and put her under the shower in my bathroom. She was like “WTF??” It’s so gross to clean up!

Trackbacks

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  3. […] Eddie has pooped exactly one time in the bathtub.  It was so epically traumatic for both of us, he has never done it again. […]