a letter to his ma ma

Dear Ma Ma,

I need to write this to you because you don’t seem to listen to anyone else.  I know this because I hear what you say and I see what you do.

You don’t think I do, but I am there.

I hear you when you say you are fat and ugly.  I know you cry when you think no one can hear you.  Sometimes I am not sleeping at nap and I can hear you in your room telling yourself how disgusting you are.

I wish you wouldn’t do that, Ma Ma.

Almost every day daddy tells you that you are pretty.  He means it, Ma Ma.  He does.  You are so pretty.  I like your hair.

It makes me sad that you don’t like yourself, Ma Ma.  I heard you say that you want to be healthy.  That you don’t want me to have a “fat mom who wheezes at my soccer games.”  I want you to be healthy too, Ma Ma.  I know that is important.  You are always telling me to drink my milk so I can be healthy and strong, and to eat my yucky veggies so I can be healthy.  And yesterday when you changed my pants you said, “that’s just not healthy, Eddie!  ew!”

So I know being healthy is important to you.  At least me being healthy.  So I want you to be healthy too.

But what you look like doesn’t matter.

You are always telling me that I am handsome like daddy, but people say I look like you, Ma Ma.  And if you think you’re ugly, do you think I am too?  I have your eyes and your nose and your funny little toes.  I am just like you, Ma Ma.

Ma Ma you always tell me that who you are matters so much more than what you look like.  I believe this, Ma Ma, because I don’t care if my friends have boogers or crusty hair if they are sharing with me.  Or they run and swing with me.  Or if they laugh and dance with me.

You do all those things, Ma Ma.  You laugh and dance and sing with me.  You make me laugh harder than anyone.

I love that.

So if that is what matters?  You are the most beautiful Ma Ma in the whole world.

Please believe me, Ma Ma.

And please stop saying bad things about you.  It hurts my heart to see you sad.

I love you so much, Ma Ma.

Love,  Eddie

************

New post over here about a BIG CRUSH I have.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Awwwwww, I’m sniffling here, Katie!

    Eddie is right. He is RIGHT. You are beautiful, inside and out. Don’t go being hard on yourself. Please. I’m over here, hugging your gorgeous face off.

  2. This is so powerful. Thank you for sharing….

  3. Aw, the tears! You’re a beautiful person, both inside and out. Listen to Eddie, you’re wonderful!

  4. Oh…I am sitting here reading this letter with my hand on my throat. It’s so easy to tear yourself up, isn’t it? Please don’t…you write beautifully and that’s what’s inside of you. No matter what you think you may look like in a mirror listen to your husband and your sweet Eddie… they know what they are talking about.

    xx

  5. Eddie is wise beyond his years.

    I know, though, that it is so hard to KNOW those things in your head but to really believe them and apply them to how you feel on a daily basis. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics 🙁 and that’s one thing we shouldn’t try to be the best at.

  6. And he means every word of it. Love you and you are beautiful.

  7. That’s a very wise little boy you have on your hands there.

  8. oh wow, the tears.

    that Eddie is such a smart cookie, his mama is GORGEOUS inside and out.
    xoxoxo

  9. Thanks for making me cry at 8:30 in the morning! Trying to plan a trip to the mitten. Hoping to see you soon!

  10. Your Eddie knows a thing or twenty seven.

  11. Oh this hit home for me…that could very easily be R talking to me. I know these things in my head, but can’t convince my heart. And I KNOW that I need to lose weight — not just for superficial reasons but because I want to be healthy and keep up with R and live to see my own grandchildren. But for some reason I just can’t get it to “click.” And so every morning, getting dressed, the same terrible thoughts flow through my head…I’m fat and ugly and undeserving of good things.

    Thanks for writing this. I know it must have been hard. You are a beautiful person.

  12. So lovely. You should listen to that little man.

  13. Yes. So true. Every little bit of it.

  14. Eddie is very smart.

    And you ARE stunningly, amazing beautiful in all ways.

    xoxo

  15. You need to listen to that boy, Katie….he’s a smart one.

  16. Please listen to Eddie. You are beautiful – inside and out.

    Kids see and hear more than we realize. I’ve learned the hard way with things my daughter has said about her own body. It’s similar to what I say about myself.

  17. That just broke my heart. Definitely changed my perspective.

  18. Eddie is so so right. I hope you listen to him, even if just a little bit. I think a lot of us should probably listen to him.

  19. I’m crying at my desk because I know exactly what you mean. And Eddie’s right – you are a wonderful, beautiful person, and so is he.

  20. You made me cry, hon. Every word written here is true. You are so beautiful inside and out. We all need to listen to Eddie and learn to love ourselves…. even if it is only for the sake of our children. {{{HUGS}}}

  21. you are beautiful!! I’m writing a piece for The Shine Project about how mother’s influence their child’s perception of beauty and how when we say we are fat, they hear that!! you’ve got to continue to tell yourself positive things and then take action to make changes! you are a wonderful person katie, inside and out.

  22. This is such a wonderful post! I am the same way… sometimes it’s hard to really hear the compliments that our loved ones are paying to us. Hubby tells me I’m beautiful all the time, but I simply laugh it off or say “you have to think that”. It’s something that I’m working on… because I want the boys to have a confident mom with loads of self-esteem and a serious love of life.
    From what I’ve read about you… you seem wonderful!!

  23. You listen to that little man, Miss Katie. He’s a smart one. He must take after you or something. 🙂

  24. Eddie is dead on! You are beautiful inside and out! And don’t you EVER forget it.

    Beautiful words, Katie.

  25. Hi there Katie… I just found your blog and am in tears over this post. Eddie is smart beyond his years and you should listen to him! Hang in there Mama! 🙂

  26. You are going to make me cry and, frankly, today is not a good day for that 😛

    You do have beautiful hair. And everything about you shines personality, which makes you beautiful. Listen to that son of yours, because he’s smart and he comes from good people.

    If you don’t stop beating yourself up I’m going to corner you at BlogHer and show you my stretch marks and the flab on my tummy that is not ever, ever going to go away.

  27. I love this post. It brought tears to my eyes. You are beautiful and Eddie is right!

    I have a 9 month old who doesn’t understand anything I say yet, but I’ve realized how hard I am on myself and my husband and how much I’m going to have to change before he can understand. Kids make you change for the better, they really do.

  28. Every word of this letter is important.

    But the most beautiful words? Are Ma Ma.

    You are Ma Ma.

    And there is nothing move lovely, more loved.

    Just you.

  29. I know, I know.

    Why do we do this to ourselves??

    WHY????

    I think it’s wrong, but I still look and say, “man, who the hell fertilized and watered that ass overnight.”

    It’s wrong, we have to stop…it’s not right.

  30. That Eddie is a smart boy! Be sure to listen to him 🙂

  31. What strong lessons for all of us. I particularly liked the part about wondering whether he should feel ugly since people say he looks like you. We must try to always model and strive for self love so that we teach our children how to treat themselves.