a big without a little

It’s not a secret that Cort and I are trying to grow this Nation.  I went off my birth control in February and instead of getting pregnant right away, I got horrible acne and terrible menstrual cramps each of the four months since.

I know four months is not long.  Especially since there was medication stuff affecting the…uh…trying for the first three.  Last month was really our first month will all…um..engines firing.  ahem.

(by the way, I am totally uncomfortable right now, can you tell?)

Anyway, as any woman who has the baby fever will tell you, any amount of waiting seems long.  It took us almost nine months to get pregnant with Eddie.  Not long in terms of some women who struggle with infertility, but super long for the Fertile Myrtles out there. But it seems like we have been trying forever.

My mind is consumed with babies.

They are everywhere.

And people are getting pregnant everywhere.

And one of my best friends in the whole world just had twins.  Itty bitty beautiful flawless twin girls.  Yes, I swoon every time I see them and I cuddle them and sniff their tiny heads every chance I get to try to rub their baby dust all over me.

Wait.  What?

Anyway.  Cort is a little in love with the idea of having a tiny bundle in the house again too.  Look at how hard he fell for these two:

twin girls

Look at his FACE!! I die!

I figured Eddie would like the girls…he is a fan of playing “baby” lately at daycare.  He knows how to rock a baby and he likes me to swaddle Lamby so he can put him night night.

But I was not prepared for this…


He. Is. In. Love.

He saw me holding her and walked up to me, arms folded across his chest as if he was rocking an invisible baby, and he begged to hold her.  He kept repeating, “beh beh, Mama.  Beh beh,” so earnestly.

And when I gave in and helped him put her in his arms, I was shocked.

My rough little boy–the one who never walks, only runs–softly wrapped his arms around her.  There was no squeezing.  He did not press on her or wiggle around.  He did not poke her face or pull her limbs.

He was more gentle than I have ever seen him.

My heart leaped into my throat.  But because it was a party, it was all over quickly.

And then last night happened.  We were at the annual pig roast at the marina that is named for Cort’s dad, and I went in for the twin I did not cuddle at Eddie’s party.  Eddie was still strapped in his booster seat and was craning to see the baby.

Instantly his arms made the cradle sign and he pleaded with me to hold the “beh beh”. He put his arms out and patted her gently and begged me.

So I held her close to him again and he sighed, “beh beh,” and very gently gave her a kiss on her head. I tried to pull her back to me, but he stick a palm out to me and spoke sternly to me, “no, mama.  beh beh.”  And just like that he turned his eyes on her and ignored me.

Later he helped point out the babies’ diapers and their bottles and their “pe-aps” (pipeys) and their “kets” (blankies) and that they were “seep” (sleeping).  He wanted to make sure that one was Ok when she was crying.  He was concerned with them being taken care of.

I was stunned.

I was aware that Eddie can play nicely with others…I get great reports back from daycare, but I had no idea how gentle and kind he can be.

He loves to roughhouse with Cort and me.  He loves to run and be chased.  He loves to throw toys and bang on tables.  He loves to be destructive.

I was always a little nervous about how Eddie would treat a new sibling when/if we are blessed.

But in the past week all my worries have dissolved.

Eddie is already a Big Brother…waiting for his Little Brother or Sister.

About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.


  1. TheNextMartha says

    So sweet. There was nothing more touching than watching my older son be a brother to his new baby brother. Made me love him even more if that was even possible.

  2. awwwwwww…. that’s so precious!!

    I’ve got the fever too, and so does my toddler 🙂 Hubs unfortunately, doesn’t. not yet anyway.

    good luck to you! hoping Eddie gets that Little soon!

  3. Ok that made me tear up a little. That’s the sweetest thing ever. Ever. Darling Girl asked me the other day if I could please make her a brother or a sister now. Uhhhhh, lemme get right on that…

  4. Oh Katie. This was beautiful and made me all misty-eyed. I’m in the throes of baby fever too. We haven’t started trying yet, as we just weaned and I’ve literally started ovulating (oh hello monthlies! TMI?), so I can’t even begin to be impatient. But I so am. I so know how you feel.

    Love that Eddie is ready. I have no idea whether Monkey will be. I only hope he will be half as ready as Eddie is to be a big brother.

    Sending you baby dust.

  5. Oh Katie, so glad you wrote this! When you get that glimpse of Eddie the Big Brother you see everything you have given him and taught him. And I have a feeling that he will have that little one to have and to hold.

  6. He’s such a sweet kid! Judging by the way my son handles our new kitten, a new “beh beh” is out of the question for awhile!

  7. This is so very sweet.

    I’m swooning from sweetness over here, and loving every bit of it.

  8. Oh Katie, this brought tears to my eyes. There’s nothing like seeing your child nurture another little one. And Cort’s face? Wow.

    I have the baby fever too. Here’s hoping it works out for both of us!

  9. What a testament to your parenting, both you and Cort! He is learning kindness and gentleness from you and how you treat him 🙂

    Here’s to hoping that the double dose of twin baby dust speeds up the waiting game for you.

  10. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Our daughter will be two in 11 days, and she’s a typical two year old…yelling, demanding, throwing tantrums. But she when she sees her baby brother, she HAS to give him a kiss. Every time. It melts my heart.

    I hope you are able to expand your nation soon, so your heart can melt, too. And Eddie can begin his role as big brother/protector.

  11. That is beautiful! I hope you will not have to wait long to give him a “beh beh” brother or sister.

  12. Katie,

    I have faith. It won’t be long. I know this will happen for you. I’m glad you are taking good care of yourself (b/c that is the most important thing), and your little one is going to make a great big brother. so sweet. this made me teary and excited for when my girls get to be big sisters!


  13. Your post melted my heart. Eddie sounds adorable with the twinsies and how awesome that your husband likes babies too. I hope you get preggo soon!

  14. Jennifer says

    Katie, such a sweet posting. Your hormones are trying to get on track so a little time is good but not any fun. I think there is some truth to being around other women and getting pregnant. I am sure you have heard how several women working in the same place tend to get pregnant around the same time. So my advice to you is to go hang out at the Ob’s office as often as you can! Without them thinking you are weird! ; ) you will make a lovely family, ok, you already are, but it sounds as if another bundle of joy would be even better. It took me 8 mos after my miscarriage to get pregnant with Ryan. And I had that baby fever so bad! Here’s sending you love and prayers for that much wanted baby! Hugs!

  15. Sweet Katie.
    I know what it feels like to have it take forever.
    I have everything crossed for you and Cort that it happens for you so soon!
    Eddie is going to make a great big brother!
    And oh, my! Those are sweet twins!

  16. I know that feeling. It makes your heart want to burst, doesn’t it? When Connor was about Eddie’s age we visited with a friend’s baby. He wanted to hold her too and I let him – same thing, he was so sweet and so gentle. This from the kid who never sits still and who has made jumping on people his signature style?!

    I know. You will get there and it will be amazing.

  17. Hang in there!! It seems to take forever sometimes…but it’s so worth the wait!! Wishing you baby dust…and your little man is so cute, he’ll be a great big brother 🙂

  18. Aww…what a sweet boy Eddie is! Sawyer was like that too.

    Then Sage got mobile and could steal his toys, and that was the end of that. 😉

  19. Does Eddie get the concept (or even know) you’re trying to make a baby brother/sister?

  20. Your big will have his little. I hope it’s soon.

    Watching my kids become big siblings? So much fun, and very poignant. Obviously Eddie is a natural.

  21. FOJI read this on Saturday and just got swept, I thought of you all weekend, hoping and praying that your dreams for a “little” come true very quickly. The pictures made me remember when my twins were little and how that time flies past…..I know what your heart wants, I am hoping that want is filled up very soon!!

  22. Awwww…so cute. I’m sure it’ll happen. My mom used to say that things would happen when you least expected it. Try not to focus on it.

  23. Happy trying?

    maybe I should tell him that. Much more appropriate.

  24. Oh so sweet of Eddie. Hope your wait to get that positive pregnancy test is short!

  25. Oh he is SO sweet!!! Blessings to you and yours. We are doing the same waiting game right now, though I can’t complain because so far it’s only been a month. Why does it seem like years???

  26. Sounds like Eddie is going to make the perfect big brother. What a sweetheart. Don’t worry, it will happen for you soon:)

  27. Such a sweet post. It’ll happen soon – I wish someone had told me to cherish the one on one time of the first a bit more – it only happens once.

  28. Lovely. The time is near – can’t wait – very excited for the three of you 🙂

  29. This is such a sweet post. It warms my heart to see little ones so interested in babies. It makes me wonder how much they remember of being in that stage? I hope he gets his little soon.

  30. So now everything is in place, I know the waiting is so hard and I hope it happens very soon for all of you. What a perfect family for a brand new baby to be born into.

  31. Awwww, Katie. It’ll happen. It WILL happen =)

  32. OMG that’s so sweet and so wonderful. I know we worried about the same thing with Benjamin when I was pregnant with Fable and now that she is three months old he is still blowing me away with how tender and caring he is. He loves her and she loves him and I just wish I could bottle these moments up for when they are older and hate one another as only siblings can.

  33. Aww, this made me feel a little weepy. I hope that you get pregnant quickly. We’ve been trying for a baby for a year now…it’s crazy how long it can take. I went to catholic school. I grew up thinking that if a boy looked at you wrong, you’d get pregnant. Funny how it doesn’t always work that way! I’m sending you lots and lots of sticky baby dust.

  34. The picture of Eddie holding the baby melts my heart. Every. time.

  35. So sweet! 🙂

  36. How did I miss this post?

    Oh my oh my oh my.

    Your boys are so precious (the big and the little).

    I am sending all my mental baby dust your way.

    It will happen. It has to.

    You are almost there, mama.

    Making Sluiter babies is patient work.

    And worth it. The right one’s coming…