It’s a mistake to think things can’t get worse because they always can.
The day can be normal, and with a quick, routine glance at the computer, life changes.
I had gotten a brief email earlier stating the minimum: He had been laid off. Unexpectedly.
Yes, the company was having some financial troubles, but who wasn’t?
Yes, we were expecting there to be layoffs, but not BOTH salesmen–certainly not someone who went from sweeping the floors in the shop to being the go-to guy for inside sales.
We were in shock.
My mind was reeling with questions and worst case scenarios as I drove home in the autumn sunshine. The day seemed so happy and light, but I was slowly sinking into my catastrophic thinking.
The next day he was supposed to collect his stuff.
And then apply for unemployment.
The word felt like sour rusty metal in our mouths.
It was for the rest of the country. Not us.
Family business meant security.
If anyone was going to lose her job, it was me. Our district had been making cuts left and right, and I had already held one of those pink slips.
Pink paper is heavier than other colors, and the weight of that slip nearly broke him.
My husband is strong.
I watched him hold himself upright with dry eyes at his dad’s funeral just days after having abdominal surgery.
He had held the pieces of me after I broke from two miscarriages.
In that moment, my steadfast partner lost his sparkle. He was starting to fade.
From that exact moment that he had to look at me, and not just type out the situation to me, he began to lose something.
I suddenly stepped into a role that was unfamiliar to me.
We will be ok, I heard myself saying.
Even though on the inside I had completely lost my shit.
Even though there was a buzzing behind my eyes of worry and anxiety.
Everything will be fine, babe. Really.
Sometimes you just say things and hope they are true.
For seventeen months we were blinded by budgets and money scrapping and never saying no to extra opportunities.
And the whole time Eddie was given the gift of a stay at home parent.
He was given his daddy.
It’s a mistake to think that everything is wrong.