beer run

The following post is another one of my stabs at fiction.  The prompt is to write about having something of tremendous value stolen.  I had no idea what to write, so Cort gave me the scenario and I made up the story around it.

Oh, and also? there is a poll on the left side bar if you want to vote for me to move my fiction to Exploded Moments instead of here.

This post went crazy.  And so I dedicate it to my college years.  And to Todd.

Enjoy.

*************

“Think, think, think,” he told himself.  “Now what?  Now what do I do?”

Burger rubbed his eyes with the ball of his hands.  He was slumped down on Davis Street a block from the party.

He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked down the street half expecting them to come back.  Not that he had anything left for them to take.  Not only had they taken his empty wallet, but they had jacked the keg he had been rolling down the road from the party store.

It was a dumb idea, but he had lost the bet.

He had to be in charge of the beer.  Even with no car.

Luckily everyone had chipped in.  Barely.

Burger had spent his entire utility payment on that keg, and now he wouldn’t even get his deposit back.

Those jerks even took the tap, so there went that deposit too.

Awesome.

He ran his hand over his goatee and tried to figure out what to do.  He could still smell the cigarette on his hand.

He would love another one, but they had taken those too.

“Focus,” he said out loud.  He immediately looked behind him.  What if they were waiting for him?

He shook his head and tried to focus his eyes.

He didn’t feel very good.

“See…it’s their fault.  We didn’t even NEED that third keg.  This whole thing is THEIR fault.”

He stood up suddenly with new determination.  And immediately regretted it.

Burger decided right then and there that he couldn’t show his face.  He was too mortified.

A band of crazy drunks had run up on him, tackled him, and rolled his keg away.  And taken his smokes.  Which he needed right now.  He couldn’t tell that story to the party–even it if was the truth.

He would look like an idiot.

And he was too messed up to think of a believable lie.

He took one more look down the street toward the party and turned on his heel and started running.

Burger had only gone about a block when he stopped,  panting and sweating and leaned into a yard.

As he wiped the back of his hand over his mouth, the headlights of a slow approaching car snapped on.

Burger squinted into them, his heart pounding.

“Dear God, they’re back,” he thought.

“Hey Burger!  What the hell are you doing?  Where is the beer, ya moron?”

Burger just stared, gasping.  What was going on?

“DUDE!  Can you hear us?  WHERE IS THE BEER?”

“uh…” Burger stumbled. “well…um…”

“Get your stupid ass in the car, dude.”

“but…the beer…those guys…they…” Burger wasn’t sure where his friends had even come from.  Who was driving?

Dude. WE took the beer.  Those guys were us.  We thought you knew.”

“Wha-”

“IT WAS US, knucklehead!  The keg?  It’s at Gator’s place.  Back at the party.  IT WAS US.”

“Wait.  Wha…”

“Just get in the car, ya drunk.”

Burger still didn’t know what had happened, but he let his friends pull him into the back seat of the car where he promptly passed out.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl…wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. I was with you until he found out it was his friends. Then I got confused. Maybe because there wasn’t enough confusion? If they didn’t try to hide who they were, shouldn’t there have been a nagging thought in Burger’s mind that something was off about the experience?

    I’m not a writer, I’m just trying to help you make this work! I hate when I do decide to write and things don’t fit. 🙂

  2. I like all the writing on one blog….makes it easy.

    I am a little confused if the friends took the beer, and they thought he knew they took it, why do they ask him where it is?

    I think you did a good job conveying his desperation and confusion.

  3. That is one thing I never had stolen, my beer! But this was great, I laughed and shook my head in remembrance through the whole thing!

  4. That’s hilarious. I kinda wish we’d done that to a few of my exceedingly drunken friends in college. 🙂

  5. I was confused, too. Was he that much drunk in the beginning to not recognize his friends? If they took his smokes and wallet they must have come pretty close? Apart from that, the twist was great. Also, I could hear them all as if I were there, listening in.

  6. I am sitting here giggling, because isn’t this (unfortunately) so perfectly college? I think them questioning him about the beer leads to reader confusion. Maybe instead they could ask him for a cigarette? He could stumble over the answer to that, too.

    I like that he passes out in the car, because it seems like he needed that 🙂

  7. All it requires is a little bit more description of his assailants, even if it’s through beery haze, so we understand that he doesn’t recognize them, but that he did sort of see the,. you could bring it back with little teasers when the car pulls up.

    One of his attackers had (for example) a red knit cap…

    then one of the friends driving has a knit cap… he’s drunk and pissed off and upset so he didn’t get that they were his friends (perhaps barely “disguised”) as long as you give us a hint, the reveal will be a little clearer.

    Otherwise, it’s right out of a Kevin Smith movie.

  8. it was so funny and hey havent we all been there???
    I like CDG suggestion of adding just one thing about one of them to have you go back to it, but otherwise, this was just what my friday needed!!

    thanks for the giggle.

  9. I totally suspected the friends and wasn’t confused by that. I love that they pranked him! Might have worked a bit better if instead of “we thought you knew,” they ribbed him a bit more about getting mugged by his own friends.

    I also felt his embarrassment, and thought vascillating between that and anger at his friends for making him get the beer was perfect. Maybe play that up even more, rather than fear of them coming back.

  10. I liked it! and I got it…I felt relieved when his friends let him know it was just them. I did wonder why he was worried about the drunk muggers coming back though…I mean they took the keg, they were drunk, obviously they got what they were after.

  11. I like the conclusion just as it is – clearly he was too drunk to recognize them. I’ve known many a drunk who was too drunk to know what was happening to them.

    Oh, the hazy memories…

  12. aaaaah. I did not think it was his friends. I’m a little confused about how he didn’t recognize them.

  13. LOL…Dude must have totally wasted. The only part that confused me is that they sent him – that drunk – with their money to get the keg.

    Then again, I was always the annoyingly mostly sober person sent to get more booze. I didn’t drink fast enough to get as drunk as quickly as my friends.

  14. I thought you captured stupid drunk college kids perfectly! Haha!:)

    I was a little confused at first, but then I got it…I like the suggestion that CDG gave with the red cap…or Jennie B with a “thought you knew”….

    I laughed and was completely believing your character! Great job!

  15. I really like this! I was hoping that his friends came and took the beer. I guess he was really that drunk where he didn’t realize who they were when they took it? I’m thinking that’s the case because he didn’t feel well and passed out as soon as he was in the car.

    I think it’s funny you went with the name Burger. I used to know someone, with a goatee, and that was his nickname.

  16. Whoa! Been there! College is still kind of a blur. Great job of capturing the haze of drunkenness.