repeated forgiveness

In the almost six years that Cort and I have been married, the following dialogue has happened so many times, it doesn’t matter who is saying what anymore.

We have both been wronged.

We have both begged forgiveness.

And, unfortunately, because of who we are?  I am sure that this will happen many, many more times.

It is always bed time.

It is always way too late…past when we should be sleeping.

Maybe this is why it happens.

Just as we say goodnight…

“Babe.  I am really sorry about this…”

And then it happens.

Sometimes it thunders through the room shaking the windows and the bed frame.

Other times it silently warms us under the blanket and seeps into the room.

Either way it is everywhere.

And we are gagging.

“OH. MY. GOD!  Babe!  What did you eat?  For the love….”

This is when the giggling begins.

“I’m SORRY.  I can’t help it.  My tummy hurts.”

And now both of us are laughing because it is still hanging in the room.  It’s like someone smeared it right under our noses.

“I can’t get away from it!”

“Me either!  I am SORRY!”

At this point the laughing has taken over. Every time we think we are done, we lift our faces from our pillows, breathe in the funk, and dissolve into tears and giggles all over again.

“Oh no.”

“‘oh no,” what?”

There is a silent pause.

And then the air is filled with a new batch of stench.

“BABE!”

“I’m SORRY!  I can’t help it!”

“YES YOU CAN!”

“No, I can’t!”

gagging mixed with laughing combined with coughing ensues.

“Seriously, babe.  Next time, you need to take that to the bathroom.”

“Why?  You never do!”

“Well this is BAD.”

“Yours are bad too.”

“Ok, I think I can breathe again.  Wait…don’t point that thing at me.”

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

And then it happens again.

Luckily, by morning the air has cleared and the gruesome events of the night before have been forgiven.

We are a happy couple again.

Until the next time late night flatulence hits.

This week’s prompt asked us to write about a time of forgiveness.
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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Hahahahahaha! I was ready for this super serious thing about bedtime arguments and then this! Awesome!! 🙂

  2. Ha! Funny stuff…at least you can both take the blame. 🙂

  3. I am laughing so hard I am crying. I was steered to this post by a flatulence ridden husband giggling from his side of the couch.

    …ok FINE. I’m a little afflicted too. Must be the pork chops I made for supper.

    *blush*

  4. Okay, that is some seriously funny-cause-it’s-true stuff.

    Hee!

  5. This is hilarious! And I have to admit unexpected. But that’s what makes it so great. Love that my husband and I aren’t the only ones who act like children. 🙂

  6. Thank God you went this direction. I was successfully misdirected. The dialogue is true and perfect.

    And yet…from one English teacher to another, I must point out the breath/breathe error.

    Because I love.

  7. hahaha same story at our house!

  8. sweet heavens, this is hysterical. my husband learned early on that I inherited “gramma martha’s ass” Silent But Deadly. I’m such a classy lady.

  9. Bwhahaha! You can never go wrong with a post about poots. I love that Cort almost died…but you should have done the Dutch oven 😉

  10. I’m with Kim on that one. Dutch oven that mo fo next time!!

  11. Ah, fart posts. Classic. At least your man warns you and APOLOGIZES before he lets loose. My husband? He sits and waits for the smell to asphyxiate me – and then laughs.

  12. Oh my gosh.. haha! Not at all what I was expecting when I started reading. Very tricky, lady! Very tricky indeed! You guys don’t play turtle or anything, do you? Because that would be definite cause for apology! 😉

  13. Ah, the joys of married life! With almost thirty years under my belt, I can only tell you it gets worse!! Funny post (and you had me going a different direction at first, too!)

  14. So cute! And so true (in my house anyway)
    I really enjoyed the refreshing humor.

  15. This is so funny! My mind was running through all the possibilities of serious subjects that might be affecting your marriage at the beginning of the post… and then I was laughing out loud. Farts just never stop being funny!

  16. bahahaha totally freaked out that I felt like i was in the room with y’all. oh man this was funny.

  17. Bleh. This was as gross as it was hilarious 🙂 And I loved it because it is REAL. That’s marriage and LOVE right there.

  18. oh you did not just post about playing turtle. ha!

  19. Oh. Em. Gee.
    This is perfection in its hilarity. I love love love the dialog, because it’s all exactly the kind of things we say when in this situation, down to the “Babe” endearment.
    I tried to read this, on my phone, to DH, and couldn’t get through it, I was laughing so hard. I don’t think he got it.
    I also really like how you interspersed the dialog with the descriptive bits, putting me right there in the room with you, even though I didn’t want to be! 😉
    Loved it.

  20. This is hilarious! I have to say, I don’t think I’m quiiiite at the point yet where I wouldn’t, like, leave the room or demand that he leave the room. But one day I’m sure I’ll be able to laugh it off the way you guys do. This post provides a nice look into your marriage with a minimal number of words – well done. 🙂

    My old roommate used to lock the car windows before he’d let one rip. I swear, green gas would be filling the car and I’d be clawing at the windows, begging for mercy. While he laughed his head off.

  21. HAHAHAHA. Well done, Sluiter, well done.
    This is our house, EXACTLY.

  22. OMG this cracked me up! I live in a house of boys and farts will be forever funny!

  23. And now you know why I got a dog. Poor sucker always gets blamed. 😉

  24. I’m DYING over this one. Totally giggling. My favorite part? The fact that we don’t know which one is talking. Everyone is assuming it’s Cort’s fault, but the way you word it – especially with the opening bit – says that it could be yours.

    Very clever.

  25. Oh my word – not what I was expecting. Brilliant.

  26. Too funny! Although I am still uncertain, was it you or the hubby with the foul smelling blast cannon? lol

  27. Oh man, I can’t deal! Hilarious! I thought you were being all metaphorical with it warming the blanket & seeping into the room….but Oh No. You were being literal and spot-on. Thanks for this! I think I needed that.

  28. Very funny. The dialog was so real and the subject so relatable (unfortunately.)
    I’ve been married almost 20 years and we’re still giggling when this happens. Although I have run on occasion.

  29. Holy Crap that’s funny! I thought I was the only one with a juvenile sense of humor and marriage!!! And to know I am not alone in my idea that farts are funny makes me feel a little less like a freak! ha ha ha ha!!! Great post.

  30. My poor husband is subjected to this on occasion (more often than I will admit to!) but I at least try to keep it under the blanket. It’s his own fault for lifting the covers up in protest after I do it. Haha.

    I love the way you bring us into the unknown in the beginning with the warning of “the following dialogue has happened so many times, it doesn’t matter who is saying what anymore” that lets us know you aren’t confessing to it, but yet you are. I love the silly word play throughout the story, as well. The dialogue wrings true.

    I thoroughly enjoyed this.

  31. ewww!
    must admit.. we keep a box of matches by the bed for this very issue!!!

  32. This took such an unexpected turn – I loved it! I liked that it show clearly showed how safe you are with each other, without getting sappy or sentimental. Funny, and beautiful at the same time!

  33. This is so awesome because this is TOTALLY the scene at our house, and it could be either of us too! HA HA HA! Flatulence forgiveness – love it!:D

  34. I hear you, and right now I have to say that I’m glad I’m the only one in this hotel room because it is nasty and no one should be subjected to this stench.

  35. Haha too funny! Mostly because I can totally relate. And he doesn’t warn me. It just happens and I die! Lol.

  36. Very funny… imagining my own late night giggles with hubs.

  37. Moments like this is how you know that your marriage/relationship is working for sure!

    ‘It’s like someone smeared it right under our noses.’ Amazingly gross and funny at the same time.

  38. “Sometimes it thunders through the room”…. I loved this sentence! Clearly I’m clueless because was so not thinking of flatulence- The way that you brought us into your room, into your giggles…was extremely vivid and incredibly relatable.

  39. I loved it! You pretty much described our bedroom routine! It’s the laughter that keeps us together, I guess.

    I liked your use of dialogue, and I liked the way you had the story visually laid out in single sentences and short phrases.

  40. The British reserve in me takes it to the bathroom, the hub claims to be ‘sleeping’ and unaware …
    The cat has jumped 6 ft in fear for his life!

    Clearly you are very comfortable with eachother 🙂

  41. OMG! Soooo funny! I definitely use my tummy power to render my husband defenseless (and weakened). NO MERCY!

    🙂

  42. I loved this! And, honestly it can describe some bedtime arguements and well as, well that “problem”.