tiny reminder

Spring had come, and with spring, baby showers.

So many cute little jammies and hats and shoes and onsies and teeny tiny pants.

I sat in the middle of the almost finished nursery carefully cutting tags and placing items into a basket to be washed.

My first load of itty bitty items.

The socks were so small.  Would they get lost in the great big washing machine?  Would they get eaten in the dryer?

snip snip snip.

I held each item to my round, growing tummy.

I told Eddie how sweet he would look.

There had been quite a few showers, and as I worked through the pile, I remembered the guests at each one.

Who had given me these cute overalls, and who had gifted my son with the warm jammies, and who had squealed with me as I opened the hand-made hats.

I was happily snipping the tags off what I thought was the last blankie when I saw it.

It was wrinkled and shoved to the bottom of the pile.

The tags had already been eagerly clipped off long ago in hopes of already belonging in the rotation of clothing for a small one.

I picked up the tiny white onsie.

I ran my fingers over the two embroidered ducks and the wording on the front.

“Mommy and Me.”

I tried to brush the cat hair and dust from the front–clearly the cat had been the only warm body enjoying this discarded memento of the past.

I shook my head and threw it to the top of the pile in the basket– and in turn,  the memory out of the front of my mind.

And let my hands rest on my swollen middle.

As if he knew I was distracted, Eddie pushed a heel up and out near my ribs.

I gently rubbed his little foot back into a more comfortable position and realize…he will wear that onsie.

His older siblings never did.  They never made it to the clothing stage of life.

They  never made it to life.

But he will wear it.

He will wiggle and cry and sigh and giggle in it.

He will lie in my arms and sleep in it.

I picked up the harsh reminder again and looked at it.

Then, gently, I spread it across my tummy where Eddie rolled and flutter kicked me.

A smile for what would be spread slowly across my face and moistened my eyes.

Just as quickly as the sadness had come, Eddie took it away.

———

pssst.  I am guest posting today at the lovely Hannah’s place, Peggy Ann Design.  Name sound familiar?  It should!  She is one of my amazing sponsors! This month is the Month of Hannah!  Valentine’s Day, her (leap year) birthday, and her anniversary all in one month!  To help celebrate she asked little old ME to guest post!  yippee!!!

So hop on over to her place and leave a little love on this Friday, would ya?

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About Katie

Just a small town girl…wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Beautiful! Just beautiful!

  2. Amazing powers in those tiny ones.

    Amazing and essential.

    love you.

  3. I was just happily reading your post, remembering my own swollen tummy and WHAM…tears, ugly cry and the desire to hug the stuffing out of you. Wonderful writing of hope from sadness.

  4. Breathtaking. Oh my.

  5. Oh my, so touching. You wrote this so well. I felt like I was sitting right there on the floor with you. Blessings.

  6. Oh my. That made me tear up!! What a beautiful post. That is the thing I’m enjoying the most about blogging. I’m getting to meet all these amazing women who give me the most incredible insight into their lives even though we’ve never met. I feel like I know you so much better just from this one post.
    So so well written. One day I’ll jump in on Red Writing Hood!

  7. Sweet Eddie kicking you knowingly made me smile even though I know you were in pain. Beautifully written.

  8. such a beautiful post and a beautiful memory. love you.

  9. Beautiful, beautiful piece with tears, of course. I’m sorry for the babies who did not get to wear that onesie.

  10. That was so well written, thank you for sharing it with us.

    I think that the tear jerkers should come with a warning for those of us sitting at work! LOL!

  11. Beautiful post!

  12. Oh, I just about cried reading this! What a beautiful memory to share. I like how you wrote it with one sentence paragraphs, it really packed a punch in such a simple format. You should print this out and put it in your son’s baby book; one day he will appreciate it!

  13. He knew. That’s the connection a mother and son will always have. Beautifully written. He turned your frown upside down! I bet he continues to do that on the outside too…

  14. Just lovely Katie!

  15. Oh friend Tia is so beautiful and so sad. Thanks for sharing this tender moment 😉

  16. Beautiful post. It absolutely brought tears to my eyes.

  17. Katie you are such an amazing writer. Beautiful story. It looks like we both picked the same setting for our stories.

  18. Beautiful. Touching. So sweet that baby gave you a swift kick to remind you of the joys to come. Much love!

  19. Wow. Beautifully told. I cried with you. None of my tummy babies made it to clothes. My adopted babies did. It is amazing what memories clothes bring back.

  20. ((HUG)) Beautifully told story of hope. So well done. Thank you for sharing this.

  21. Oh Katie. I am so sorry. This post is so painful. You have written it beautifully and your words echo the events that must have happened back then. Hugs for being brave. Salute for writing it.

  22. I’ve been in that moment.
    Matthew entered my world and eased my sadness over our lost one.
    These boys are magic.
    Much love, Katie.

  23. You have written this post so wonderfully even though it was probably a bit painful to do. Thank you for sharing.

  24. Such touching words. It brought back happy reminders of my own pregnancy but also displayed a the reality and heart ache that can accompany some of our joyous moments.

  25. you are on a roll with fabulous posts, my dear! Eddie took away the sadness. I love that.

  26. This post gave me goosebumps. I love how easy it was to relate to the content. I found myself remembering doing that same chore and thinking those same thoughts about the clothes and the baby shower before my first was born. I was so drawn in to the first few lines of the story that I had to go back and start over and change the colors of the clothes in my mind when I got to the fact you were having a boy (my first was a girl and I had been seeing the pink of her clothes). I love how Eddie healed so much sorrow. Beautiful post.

  27. That was beautiful. It’s amazing how something can bring back so many emotions and memories. Thank you for sharing!

  28. Oh, Katie! Such a well-written piece! Total chills, as I did not expect that coming.

    Thank goodness for letting the “happy” of Eddie’s kicks takeover.

  29. There are tears in my eyes. Very touching.

  30. Kids are just a fountainhead of memories and emotion. Very nicely done.

  31. Love this! Amazing what a small onsie can generate in memory!

    I lost baby after baby told I would never have one and the two I have took that pain away! Gone but not forgotten

  32. So incredible. I can’t imagine. Nicely done.

  33. totally didn’t expect that ending. very well written, katie, as usual.

  34. It is amazing, the healing powers a tiny person can bring. Lovely, lovely.

  35. Oh, dear, sweet Eddie, to know that Mama needed that little flutter just then.

  36. Oh how this brings back memories! I love, love this!!

  37. Sweetness and sadness all at once.

  38. I love the transformation of a past object from so sad to something so hopeful and sure and how much Eddie is a little person already.

    ‘I gently rubbed his little foot back into a more comfortable position and realize…he will wear that onsie,’ was a wonderful line.

  39. Such a beautiful post. I smiled throughout, remembering my own “snip and wash” sessions. And then, the smile faded at the end.

  40. I love that Eddie knew when to remind you of his presence. And I’m so,so happy that he got the chance to wear that onesie. I think children are small capsules of hope capable of healing the worst kinds of hurts.

  41. Awesome! So very well written. I love how starkly the “special” onesie is contrasted against the others in this piece. Beautiful!

  42. Wow. I was reading this happily then bam! You made me cry. My husband thinks I’m crazy. Beautiful, as always.

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