The Process

Eight years ago…

He held my hand  while we sat close to each other on the couch watching TV.

He just reached over and took my hand.

I lay my head on his shoulder and fell asleep.  It was the first time in months that I easily drifted to sleep.

The next day I received an email apologizing for his forward behavior.

Fourteen years ago…

He cried and asked me if I believed in marriage.

He wondered if his long-term relationship meant anything anymore.

He had confusion.

He had anger.

I told him I believed.

Seven years ago…

He bent on one knee and asked for my forever.

I said yes.

Twelve years ago…

His heart was broken and his questions started again.

I told him I still believed.


I just do.  Some people last.

One year ago…

My communication skills failed me.

He tried to make me happy.

I threw things and raged at him.

I told him he must hate me.

He didn’t argue with that.

I asked if he wanted a life without me.

He did not.

Six years ago…

We stood in front of a packed church.

He wrote me a poem.

We laughed at how far we’d come.

We had no idea where we were going.

We promised forever.

Twenty-six years ago…

I rode the bus to and from school.

He walked to the yellow house on the corner.

I saw him from the bus window.

This year…

He bought me flowers from our son after hearing my day was rough.

He hugs me so hard, our boy can’t help himself but join in.

thirteen years ago…

We sat on the steps of the dorm.

He smoked.  I talked.

He reassured me.

He walked me to my dorm so I would be safe.

Six years ago…

I laughed harder than I have ever laughed in my life.

He felt like he had disappointed me with his choice for our honeymoon.

We dreamed of our future.


He cleaned the bathroom, taking special cares to even get the little things that matter to me.

He patted me on the behind.

He let our son and me snuggle-pile him on the couch.

We dreamed again of our future.

We will fall asleep holding hands.

Just like writing, life is not about the product.

It’s about the process.

Its ups and its downs.

all of it.

About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.


  1. I LOVE this post. Awwwww…….

  2. I love this and I cannot believe you have known each other for that long. What a romantic story! 🙂

  3. I love your writing. Seriously.

  4. I love,love this!It’s a perfect picture of a relationship, life together with someone. It is a process-this is beautiful.

  5. The Sluiter Nation rocks! Another great post, Katie.
    It’s all about the process. Love it!

  6. This is a beautiful piece! It’s clear you and Cort have an amazing amount of love for each other, including in the bad times.

  7. What a beautiful post!

  8. This made me cry! How beautiful.

  9. Awesome that you’ve known each other for so long. Love this post!

  10. Really lovely piece, and so, so true. I was actually just thinking about something similar on the way into work this morning…my husband and I have had our ups and downs (just like any other couple). And some of our downs were WAY down…but in hindsight, I wouldn’t trade any of it. We wouldn’t be where we are today, and we wouldn’t have R in our life, without going through that process.

  11. That was perfect. So beautiful!

  12. Thank you, Katie. My God, you have no idea how much I needed this today.

  13. Really beautiful, Katie. I can’t believe you’ve known one another for so long. Very cool and very special. Hugs to you, mama!

  14. Very beautifully written, Katie. Seriously. Marriage, and everything leading up to it is such a wonderful thing…even with it’s ups and downs.

  15. He didn’t argue with me.

    I’ve been there. We all have. It’s shocking and hard but…it happens.

    I really, really loved this Katie.

  16. This is great. What a wonderful way to tell your story.

  17. maybe my most very favorite from you, katie.
    absolutely beautiful.

  18. stop with the making me cry?
    what couple knows eachother THAT long?
    how friggity SWEET!
    now get me a tissue!

  19. great post Katie!
    Life is a process, writing is a process. Heck, sometimes getting out of bed is a process.

  20. Love, love, love this….

  21. I love it!!!!!! and I almost NEVER comment on blogs…. well done!

  22. Beautiful! Lovely writing.

  23. Well good Job.Im happy that you guys made it ..I pray you will keep your marrage strong and the commuications open.Thats tthe inportant part of a marrage.

    Love you guys

  24. That was beautiful. I had goosebumps while I read it. Lovely,

  25. Nicely said. It’s that kind of sweet real-life story that continues to give me hope.

  26. Love, love, love. LOVE!

  27. Yep, it’s definitely a process. Thanks for sharing yours. 🙂

  28. It is amazing how a relationship constantly evolves but the main thing here is that through all of this, you two are making it. That? Is a beautiful thing.
    Love to you both

  29. I needed to read this. I needed to process this and think about this. Marriage is a crazy ride and I am glad to be on it with my husband. This post reminded me that no one has a perfect marriage but the ebb and flow is what keeps it going.

  30. Agreed! This is a great post, and I love how it is not chronological.

  31. This is stunning. Seriously. It made me tear up and I don’t even “know” you guys. What a wonderful WONDERFUL post.


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Katie Sluiter, Katie Sluiter. Katie Sluiter said: It's been on my mind. The process, not the product. […]