Secret Mommyhood Confession Saturday

Before I tell you my confession this week, I have to first state that I know I am extremely blessed.

Not only is my husband a budgeting ninja (yeah, eat it, Dave Ramsey….you WISH you could be as sexy with your budgeting prowess as Cort is), but I am blessed with opportunities that allow me to bring in some extra money for my family so we can still have some fun.  I really, REALLY am thankful for what I have.  So this is not a complaint.  It’s a confession.

That being said?

I am the jealous type.

Not when it comes to my husband. No way.

I realize Cort is a super cutie pie who is easy to flirt with.  Shoot, he’s been woo-ing the ladies since I met him at the ripe age of 6.  Yes, moms and grandmas LOVE Cort.

No, I am jealous of what you have.

It’s true.

That contest you won where you got a Gussy/The Vintage Pearl/super awesome great etsy shop credit?

Or that sweet vacation you just tweeted about?

How about that sweet cute thing that someone sent you because your kid is so darn cute?

Jealous. Jealous. Jealous.

I am jealous of your body, your clothes, your accesories.

I envy your writing talent, your blog numbers, your sponsors, your craftiness.

I die when I hear about your sweet new TV, your ipad, your trip to that warm place that serves drinks with umbrellas, or your massage.

Your toddler who calls you momma?  I want that.

Your husband who buys you flowers and jewelry?  I wish mine did that sometimes.

Your time to exercise?  I wish.

I want three bathrooms instead of one dinky one.

I want a second floor with a cute banister and a fireplace.

I want your sweet new car (even if it IS a minivan ::shudder::) just so I am not driving something that cramps my child’s legs.

I want your carefree attitude.

I want your stay at home-ness (but when I am home?  I want your workingness).

I want your king-sized bed.

Yes, I even want you sweet tats and edgy haircut.

sigh…

Ok, I don’t really WANT all these things.  At least not all the time.

I am just jealous.

I KNOW good things happen to us, but I feel like those good things are mostly happening to other people.

But I know that is the murky perception that is my depression.  It distorts things and makes me feel like only crap falls on us.  Which simply isn’t true.

However, I thought it fair to tell you now that when something awesome happens to you?  Yes, I am SUPER jealous…but I am also over-the-moon excited for you.

And jealous.

But mostly happy for you.

Mostly.

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About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Yep. I have some of those things (and before you know it you will have a toddler who calls you “momma” too) but I still feel that way. It seems like everyone else in the whole world is taking a vacation. Except me. I was finally planning one but, nope, not gonna happen.

  2. I think it is safe to say we all feel that way at some point in our lives, lord knows I do! 🙂

  3. I want all those things too! All the time!
    And? The guy that walked out of my office in front of me and found that $50 bill, well him I just want to shove! But I am still jealous he got it before me!

  4. I have to be careful when I hop around on blogs with my mental status. I can go from perfectly satisfied to a green eyed monster very quickly. I wrote about it once and finding out I wasn’t alone? Made me feel much better.

    So for what it’s worth, you’re not alone.

  5. Oh you hit this one on the head baby! i was just driving home with my girls this evening thinking about all these women who manage to fling out an amazing craft every second post. What the hey? I think its all one big conspiracy. They aren’t really living these lives, they are creating them. Thats my theory anyway , and it makes me sleep much better at night.
    Dana

  6. Just remember that most people (me included) only post the good and not the struggle. I try to be a positive person and I don’t want to bring others down with my negativity but I am working on being more real and sharing those struggles. Everyone wants something someone else has, even those who seem to have it all. Thanks for being so real. You inspire me.

  7. My New Year’s resolution (I only had one) was to try to stop being so critical of others all the time. I know myself too well, and that being critical=being extremely jealous. I’m trying hard to get over it, but it doesn’t help that green is my favorite color:)

  8. I’m with Casey…I have to be VERY careful when looking around other people’s blogs. Sometimes I have to take a deep breath & walk away before the green-eyed monster can really set in. Because I am so jealous – jealous of talent, of money, of lifestyle, of everything.

    oy.

  9. Ah yes, the struggle to find contentment, it plagues us all. I’ve been working on it for around 31 years, and I think it gets easier every year.

  10. I’m green with envy over SAHMs and my anxiety peaks when I think about going back to work in two months

  11. I like this post! I think its very common for people – women especially to be jealous of what they don’t have. I feel the same way when looking at other people’s blogs. But now I am curious exactly WHO are you jealous of?! 🙂

  12. Well written!

    I feel the exact same way! It seems like some people have an endless amount of free time or something and get all sorts of things done that I can only dream about. And on top of it they go on an awesome vacation, have great kids, and all that. I have a hard time getting a post every couple days, keeping my house clean, as well as keeping track of all my kids activities!

    But I am happy with what I have.

  13. Wow. Do I know that feeling. Reading all these blogs, all beautifully written, with gobs of comments, about their recent Bahamian vacation and coming back to their clean houses and nice cars. *sigh* Yep, I know that feeling.

    It’s not that I’m ungrateful for what I have, because I’m not. Sometimes my areas of lacking are just much louder than my areas of accomplishment. There are a lot of “yeah, but”s in my mind.

  14. Isn’t this what America is? I mean, doesn’t everyone, to some extent, want what we cannot have? Be it material, emotional or otherwise, don’t we all seek something better?

    THAT is cool.

    It keeps us going. Sure, jealousy can be ugly, but it’s healthy too.

    Me? I love my life, nearly every nook and cranny of it. That being said, I will always want more. I wish my hair wasn’t nasty frizzy wavy – I’ll take straight or curly, just go one way. I’d love to be skinny. I love my house, but wouldn’t it be magical if it were twice the size (and come with a housekeeper too?) I love my work, but cry when I have to leave my baby every Monday morning. My 9 month old is the BEST (for real, don’t even try *wink*) baby in the world, but wouldn’t it be great if she liked to sleep?

    It’s a double edged sword. and…c’est la vie! Embrace it!

  15. Truthfully, I do to. Especially watching someone come out of PPD so quickly or are making such huge strides…that’s so wrong right? I am so happy for them…tremendously…but I bring it upon myself to feel bad for me and my situation. I think “Why can’t that be me?” ” Why isn’t that me?” and that type of thinking only makes it worse. Way worse.
    I used to compare myself and my journey to my BFF and her unscathed one all the time. I knew that I just had to let it go and find the good in my life now.
    It’s hard.

  16. You took the words right out of my mouth. I know how you feel. We don’t have a lot of money or a nice house. We don’t even own a house, we still rent. Having a second child is out of the question and I hope every night that we will be able to take the vacation we have planned in October. I am jealous of all the blogs out there with the sponsers and excellent writting. You are not alone.

  17. Wow, so true I think we all feel that way here and there. We have read and did alot of learning through Dave Ramsey and it has surely made a difference in our lives.

  18. Crap, I just tweeted about our awesome California weather and now I read THIS!! So sorry, but please do come visit ASAP!

    And stay away from the minivan. Please.

    I love your perspective and how your posts just glide along like we’re sitting here having coffee and chatting.

  19. Oh my. I feel the same way. So glad that you wrote this so I don’t feel like such a raging bitch when I talk about how I’m jealous of what others have. I have a beautiful baby, food on the table, a great house, a car, a job I adore, a fantastic husband. I have everything I NEED. But then I see people talking about vacations, new cars, blog conferences, all the stuff I can’t afford and it makes me a tad jealous, too. Good for you for confessing it!! New to your blog. 🙂

  20. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been where you are with the jealousy stuff. If not jealousy, then envy. It’s normal. I wouldn’t fret about it. Great confession! It takes a real woman to fess up to being jealous. Most of us, just lie about it.

    Glad I found you at Kimberly’s Mommyhood Confessions! Will add you to my google feeder so I can keep reading your stuff!

  21. You know what? I hear on this one. I have tons of blessings and love my life. But I “covet thy neighbor/stranger/random nobody” all the time!!! I’m so glad you posted about this…because a lot of times, I feel the same way!

  22. best post i read all week!!! i think sometimes we just see them that way… we don’t see all the other things going on. so its hard to get the big picture. but craft posts… seriously??? i get like one thing done a month!!! and when i get it done, i toot my own horn b/c i’m so proud of getting it done!

    you’re not alone katie. i envied my friend, who had the same job as me (in a different state) when she quit to be a SAHM. i envy the craft blogs… the DIY blogs, the blogs that sell stuff or have their own shop. the blogs that have the numbers and everything.

    don’t let it get to you. God has given you blessings that no one else has!

  23. I couldn’t have said it better myself =)

  24. I love your honesty. I think we’re all jealous of something that someone else has.

    I know I can find something to envy in just about every person I meet. I want more.

    I’m blaming human nature.

  25. I wish I could be as honest as you, I really do. Like a previous commenter said, I don’t post about the negative things (not as much as I could, anyway). I don’t think anyone will want to read about how much I hate my father-in-law sometimes even though it’s not his fault he’s sick. I don’t think anyone wants to hear about how much we want a baby and how much I worry that this isn’t the best environment for them. Or how much tension my husband and I face as a result of all this. Or any number of other things. And I feel so jealous – like, take-my-breath-away-heart-stoppingly-jealous – and I do have to be smart sometimes about which blogs I read when I feel my worst.

    You’re not alone!

  26. Yeah, that pretty much sums me up, too.

  27. I’m with you.

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