my love boat captain

Is this just another day…this god forgotten place?

First comes love, then comes pain.  Let the games begin…

Questions rise and answers fall…insurmountable.

This week has been one of those weeks where my brain worked on a specific topic from every angle imaginable.  My mind and heart do not process hurt well.  I have taken this particular item and let it consume me–asking Cort questions that seemed silly to him, but were so very serious to me.

My mind is swirling.

My heart is swelling and then aching and tingling with possibility and then crushed with reject.

My perceptions of happiness coming up short and oh so wrong.

love and disappointment and grief a tangled mess.

I’m tired.

Is this just another phase?  Earthquakes making waves…

Trying to shake the cancer off?  Stupid human beings…

Once you hold the hand of love…all’s surmountable.

Bad things happen to us all.  I know this.

Lately I have been obsessed with our list of “bad” and it has been hard to see the good.

I go through these funks.  Where our list of strikes against us seems so big…so…insurmountable.

And this week I just couldn’t take my mind off one burning question: what if it became too much.  What if I had to do this all…alone.

It’s an art to live with pain…mix the light into gray,

lost 9 friends we’ll never know…2 years ago today,

And if our lives become too long, would it add to our regret?

But I don’t have to do it alone.

He reassured me of that.

The hurt?  The pain?  The mountains of obstacles?

They are ours. not mine.

Ours.

And the young, they can lose hope cause they can’t see beyond today…

The wisdom that the old can’t give away.

Hey,

Constant recoil…

Sometimes life

don’t leave you alone…

The idea of forever and love and marriage has confused me.

Possibilities have given me hope, while at the same time have left me questioning myself.

Being on the brink of…I don’t even know…has me antsy and wondering.

I don’t do waiting well.

Especially when I don’t know what I am waiting for.

Hold me and make it the truth,

That when all is lost there will be you.

Cause to the universe I don’t mean a thing,

And there’s just one word I still believe and it’s…

love…love. love. love. love.

He will stay with me.

Because even though we have had a lot of bad…

we still have a lot of bad…

we will continue to be thrown bad….

He will hold my hand.

Love boat captain,

take the reigns…steer us toward the clear

I know it’s already been sung…can’t be said enough,

Love is all you need…all you need is love.

Love…Love…

Love.

My love boat captain

all lyrics from “love boat captain” by pearl jam
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
About Katie

Just a small town girl...wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. “I don’t do waiting well. Especially when I don’t know what I’m waiting for.”

    So much of this is me! Seriously! There has been so much bad this week that I’m having a really fucking hard time seeing the good right now. But I’m suddenly comforted by the fact that I’m not alone in the bad.

  2. You’re a sweetie… Team Sluiter Nation… Love you lots.

  3. Great post Katie. You used the lyrics well. Everyone has doubts and fears but it really helps to have that significant other to understand that and stand with you through the good times and bad times. Glad to see that you guys both have that with each other. I love the line ” the hurt the pain. They are ours. Not mine.” Boy can Eddie and the rest of the boys of Pearl Jam write great lyrics and songs.

  4. This was beautiful. Sometimes I let the negatives and darkness overwhelm me too and it’s refreshing to have a supportive partner who helps me see the positives and the sunlight. You are a gifted writer.

  5. Yeah, I know this feeling. It is good to know there is someone there you can count on. Most of the time I feel this way, too – that I have a love boat captain. Sometimes? Hub just doesn’t get it. At all. Empathy is not his thing. But when you do have that love boat captain? It rocks. 🙂

  6. I am in that very negative dwelling place…it’s an awful place of uncertainty. Know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re ever alone in that place. Cort is an amazing partner and best friend.

  7. Beautiful! I have an award for you at my site if you want to pick it up. Will be up in a few.

Trackbacks

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Katie Sluiter and Katie Sluiter, Katie Sluiter. Katie Sluiter said: New Post: my love boat captain http://goo.gl/fb/0SaaD […]