Secret Mommyhood Confession

Ok…it’s not Saturday, but I am giving you my confession anyway…

This is not how I expected life as a family to be.

I know, lame confession, right?  I mean…who DOES expect what they get (ok, some of you probably have exactly what you thought was coming. I am not that prophetic).

Anyway…what is going on around me?  Not what I pictured.

Not in a whiney way…but not in a totally super way either.

It’s just…different.

Growing up, I had a mom who was supermom.  She won’t admit that, but now that I am a mom?  I know she was.

As a kid, I figured that was what being a mom would be.

She stayed home for the first part of our childhood.  She was (um…IS) an excellent cook–a homemade meal was on the table 5 days a week.

Our house was ALWAYS clean.  I don’t ever remember toy messes lasting long.  When we were done with one thing, I got picked up and put away.  At the time we were done.  Not minutes before bed.  And certainly NEVER EVER left out over night.

She did a full house clean every Saturday.  FULL HOUSE CLEAN.  dusting, vacuuming, floor scrubbing (on hands and knees), bathroom cleaning, sheet changes on every bed every other Saturday, and windows in nice weather.

She did laundry EVERY DAY.

Then she went back to school and back to work.

And nothing changed at home.  At least to me?  As a kid?  Nothing changed.

As I got older, I knew I wanted to be a mom, but I knew I would be a working mom.

I assumed my husband would also be working.

But somehow?  I figured the house would get cleaned and picked up and a good family meal would be served each night.

I did not expect…

My kid to see that I had no idea what I was doing…and distrust me for it.

To be so tired after work that I would rather eat McDonald’s that put for the effort to put a meal on the table.

My husband to be laid off from work…and then be out of work for over a year (thanks, stupid economy).

My husband to be back in school.

To be the main bread winner for the family.

To be battling depression and anxiety.

To have such a cute, lovable little boy that sometimes it makes me cry.

To be so damn unsure of myself in every. single. area of my life.

This:

the destruction that is our living room

the danger zone that is my kitchen floor

The mess that is my island

Every. Single. Surface has been hit by hurricane Ed

...Or Hurricane Life

I didn’t expect this either:

the working mom Suzy Homemaker

after a long day of work, I throw on my apron (thanks, Tonya!!) and mix up some corn muffins to go with the meal that has been plupping away in the crock pot.

I didn’t expect to rely on my husband so much to get household chores done and to get the groceries and to be the primary caretaker.

This was not what I imagined.

But in most ways?  I wouldn’t change it either.

This is how we are.  It’s how we are getting through life.

And if that means Cort is changing poopy pantses and I am making corn muffins in a skirt and boots?

Well, then that is how it is for Sluiter Nation right now.

Tune in Tuesday for this week’s Top Ten Tuesday:  The Top Ten favorite blog posts…of my own!  I encourage you to participate and link up…it is like giving a little tour of your blog to people..and I am excited to read what your favorite posts are of your own.

Also?  There is a SWEET GIVEAWAY going on at my book blog, Katie’s Bookcase!  It’s a book to help keep the little ones busy…which is a MUST HAVE this time of year!  Please join in!

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About Katie

Just a small town girl…wait no. That is a Journey song. Katie Sluiter is a small town girl, but she is far from living in a lonely world. She is a middle school English teacher, writer, mother, and wife. Life has thrown her a fair share of challenges, but her belief is that writing through them makes her stronger.

Comments

  1. Girl, how can we possibly have any idea what motherhood/family life is going to be like? We think we know, we really do. And we are SO, so off. You’re not alone with this at all. And, btw, stop sneaking into my house and taking pictures, damnit! That’s not fair! 😉

  2. This…exactly (well not exactly, insert my life and its nuances for yours). But about having a supermom…absolutely. My mom had my brother and I while she went to medical school, had a busy medical practice and yet somehow always had homemade cookies and cupcakes when we needed to bring stuff to school, had our lunches packed every day, made dinner just about every night, sewed dresses and skirts for me, and kept (still keeps) an immaculate house. And sometimes I look around my house and just feel so…inadequate.

    My job is seasonably busy, and this is my busy time. And my mom is always offering to help me out with stuff…which I feel like I do need help with! Always offering to fix us a meal to take home, to drop off my dry cleaning, to do a load of laundry, etc. And I am so glad that I have her here! But sometimes, too, it makes me feel like a failure, and sometimes I’m embarrased to have her stop by my house when R’s toys are strewn everywhere…because that’s not how our house looked growing up, and she somehow managed to do it all while juggling two kids, a call schedule, full-time work, etc.

    But, I wouldn’t trade my life. I could spend more time doing laundry, but that would be less time I spend with R. And that’s not acceptable.

    (PS — we have the exact same magnets scattered across our kitchen floor. Imagine that!)

  3. Ditto that, pretty much exactly. Super-mom mother, disaster house, main breadwinner (but awesome little boy)=>postpartum depression. It was so very much not what I expected that it threw me for a loop that took me over 2 years to get out of. That’s why I started blogging about it and seeking out stories like this. There’s a lot of us out there, and even if it’s not what you expected you’re doing a damn fine job (she says without knowing you at all). And you know what? There is absolutely nothing wrong with crockpot dinner and corn muffin mix! You could do so much worse.

  4. I am so there with you!! But you are awesome!!!! Don’t let you tell yourself different!

  5. I can relate to so much of what you wrote (surprise! I’m not alone) – especially the part where you thought (think) your mom was (is) supermom.

    When I was growing up, the house was spotless. The dinner was on the table. The laundry was done.

    My mother disciplined my sister and me consistently (not unfairly) and we always knew the boundaries. The expectations.

    My house now, on the other hand, seems to be a free-for-all. My kids? I want more than anything to do right by them, but my parenting is slapped together. By the seat of my pants. NO grand plan. Just moment by moment. Getting to the next moment.

    And I’m in a bit of a freefall at all times.

    So I can relate.

    Thanks so much for being willing to admit that “this” wasn’t what you expected. So the rest of us don’t feel so damn alone.

    Thanks.

  6. Your house looks cleaner than mine. And the only “kids” at home are the dog, cats and Hubby dear.
    And dinner? Homemade? Not very often here.
    Yep, not at all where I expected to be.
    I keep telling myself when I’m retired…

  7. So different than I thought too. Your house looks like mine if it makes you feel any better…and I’m home all day! I’m glad you wrote this post…I’ve been wanting to do a similar one for a long time. And after reading the comments above, I don’t think we’re alone.

  8. My mom was like that with our home growing up. I don’t even remember her cleaning yet our home was spotless. Why didn’t I inherit that? I think all moms have strengths and challenges though. Even the perfect moms. (I hope)

    I love the pic of you in the apron.

  9. Our life isn’t like I expected it 10 years ago, or 7 years ago or 4 years ago (I just pulled our years where major life changing things happen lol). In a lot of ways I think certain changes in our past could make the present better. But in many ways life is good. Maybe not ideal but it’s not bad. We love each other, we are here making the best of life. And you are too. So way to go us!!

  10. Thank you for keeping it real. I too had a supermom and now am surround by many who appear to be supermoms and I just can’t compete. I so did not imagine that this would be my life but it is. So my goal in 2011 is to try and make peace with the fact that my house is a disaster and I am often overwhelmed by judgment BUT my kids are clean, fed and loved. That is what matters. Right?

  11. I grew up in a home that was less than perfect. Way less. So when I became a Mom, I knew that I was going to be everything that my home wasn’t. My perceptions of what a “real” family were skewed and in turn made me drive wild cleaning at 2am with a colicky baby in a sling…cooking meals every night…cleaning…all instead of relaxing. Sure my mind wasn’t well to boot which only feuled the fire but what I “thought” that parenthood should be like took time to understand completely. Once I understood, I knew that it was ok to not be perfect. No one is perfect.
    It’s about being good enough.
    It’s about showering the ones you love in your life with love. That’s what’s most important.
    PS. No one will ever measure up to your own mom. It’s a law of physics or something 😉

  12. Love the honesty here and your attitude! These surfaces and messes (drive me nuts) but as you say sometimes that is how life is. Yay you for a wonderful perspective. And great post.

  13. My mom doesn’t clean, cook or work….you can pretend she’s your mother if you like 🙂
    I so understand this. You are so brave to share your truth.

  14. I would consider my mom a super mom as well. My dad drove a semi for the first 10 years of my life and was on the road 5 days a week. And she did it ALL. And I always thought it would be more like that.

    BUT hey, it’s working for you, right? And a spotless house isn’t one that is LIVED in, just remember that.

  15. as always, i love love love your honesty. you are a hero. FOR REALS. As cheezy as it sounds. And supermom? In my opinion supermom is the one who loves her children with reckless abandon. You, my friend, are doing quite well.
    Go team Sluiter!!!!

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